I'm over it... depression ha****

So I guess they said this would happen. I can't eat away my emotions anymore and now I'm having to actually feel. I've been crying for over a week and I don't know why... but at the same time I do. There's a thousand reasons and yet no reason at all. No new reason anyway. I want to do this anymore. I'm tired of the nasty food and exercising and everything. I just want to take sleeping pills and sleep all day. I'm tired of only living for seeing a few ounces move on the scale. It's not exciting anymore and when it happens the excitement is only there for about 20 minutes and then it's back to busting my ass. Like, BUSTING MY ASS for those ounces, if they even come. I have so much ******g weight to lose it feels like it's never going to happen, but even so, I have NOTHING in my life besides waking up to those tiny ounces on the scale. I was doing so good having a positive attitude for the first month and a half but I swear a week ago it was like a truck hit me and I'm just soooo done with this **** I don't necessarily feel like I want to eat because I know I can't. 2 ounces of the best tasting food isn't going to do anything for me. I just feel like I want to be happy and I was finally feeling positive for once and now I am so damn sad.

I recently ended a 4 year relationship and I thought that's what was making me depressed but the more I've thought about it, the more I realized that I had been pushing a lot of feelings to the side once I realized I was going to have surgery. Is this not knowing how to deal with emotions AND having hormones go crazy?

I'm just rambling... and depressed. Ugh I just got 5 exercise dvds in the mail an hour ago and now I feel like I wasted my money! I don't even think I'm looking for advice, I just wanted somewhere to be able to vent. I've been holding this in and I literally don't have anyone to talk to.

I'm not going to offer you any advise. You can rant and rave all you want---we're out here listening to you. Keep talking to us if you need to!

In the meantime---put  Richard Simmons in the DVD player---watch him shake his butt and rock out to the oldies.

Like Elaine, I don't have any advice but I want to offer you my support . I'm only 3mths into my journey so I have no pearls of wisdom here. It seems like the scale is torturing you so i would suggest you not weigh so often. I learned from reading posts on OH not to become a slave to the numbers. I only weigh myself 3 to 4 times a month. I choose to concentrate on making good food choices, exercising and tending to the other parts of my life (my kids, husband , friends& work).

If you continue to have days when your feeling this low you may want to seek the services of a  professional counselor. In the words of the wise folks on the RNY board "WLS works on our bodies not are brains"

Hope you feel better soon and feel free to rant here, we'll listen.

 I know i sent you a PM, but I just want to say that most of us have been there. We know how it feels, and you just have to let yourself feel the emotions. 

My very soon to be ex husband told me a couple weeks before surgery that he finally wanted a divorce, so tht was a very rough thing to go through - but that relationship was more toxic than helpful and even though i was extremely lonely (since i really isolated myself after surgery), it gave me the best opportunity to re-discover who I am without a man. After I got over the loneliness of being single again after being married for 4 years, I have been having the time of my life.

I am always here for you to talk - youve got my # and you can always PM me anytime or chat with the OH chat feature. Keep your head up - things will get better. 

I hear you loud and clear! We are all here for the venting, the proud happy moments, the not so great, the fabulous, the down right ugly!!

Through out this process there will be triumph and victory along with the WTF (I am hoping you understand the acronym) moments! We hope for the WTF moments to be far less in comparison in the long haul.

One thing I have noticed in all my work I do on me daily, I have to forgo my expectations that I think I am trying to accomplish and look at the big picture.....or either that just "close my eyes" and roll with it. Because if I am doing everything I can do for me to be healthy and I push everyday, I just may no be seeing monumental moments when in fact they are happening right before my "eyes" "life". We can try to have a plan and goal and work towards them.... But timing is ultimately left to the higher power!

Emotions are a crazy thing. We all have up days, months, and we all have the glorious " couldn't get any better than this" moments!

Keep coming back to your safe spot here, vent and vent and vent some more.

"handing you a box of tissues, a cup of tea, and a warm blanket! Take it easy, and then get up and try again and again....just keep going!! You are and can do this!

Hugs,
Sherrie

Hope you are having a better day today Hwag!

Just wanted to send you big virtual bear hugs

Also to say that everything you are feeling is totally normal, when you gain fat you also store hormones in those fat cells. So when you lost fat, those same hormones get released and can make us feel CRAZY!

Add that to the fact that you are going though an incredible life altering journey and it's a recipe for mental disaster. The good news is, if you keep talking it out, doing all the right things (protein, water, exercise, vits, etc..) you can get through this.

It's not easy, but it's doable. Hang in there,

:Danni

You guys are so awesome :)

Dealing the the reality of being alone (without a significant other or friends) and that I put myself in this situation AND the fact that I can't get along with others at all and that I have ruined my career is so hard to deal with. I thought losing some weight would fix it but it's not happening fast enough to turn my ****ty world to paradise. I always thought I knew the surgery wasn't going to fix everything, but I guess I lied to myself. I've always been in denial about a lot of things. **** I had a craving for ice cream yesterday. I thought that was funny. Sometimes I'm hungry and sometimes I hate food. I've had 1 shake and 2 ounces of food today and I don't want to eat anything. It's 3 pm already btw... 

I'm just rambling again. I guess I should start a blog!  

Danni always seems to say similar things... I was going to say hormones, too.  Believe it or not, as we lose weight, those little buggers get into our blood & drive us into weird places. 

YOU ARE SAFE, HERE.

That being said, say what you need to, you will get support here from folks who have been there, are there, maybe heading there... Same boat, so we might as well help with the rowing!

Try not to stare at the scale, weigh once a week if you can.  About the soon to be ex, hey, another couple hundred pounds LOST!  Try to get OUT of the house.  I know, it is hard, but even if you go park somewhere, it will get you into sunlight, which will improve your mood.  When I am feeling bummed, I go to the water and jus****ch the world.  Find YOUR happy place ;)

When you can, pop the DVDs in & jus****CH.  As you watch, you will find you WANT to do them ;)  Trust me, it is contagious!!!!  You haven't wasted a penny!!!!  You've invested in YOU!

HUGS!!!!!!
Brenda : )~