Feeling totally defeated today

I feel like I'm losing this battle - it just doesnt seem to matter anymore what I do, the scale just sucks. I guess after 7.5 months of dealing with constant stalls and gains, it's taking a toll on me mentally. I know there's no way I gained 4 lbs, but some of it may be deserved from weekend festivities at a wedding/reception. But even then, when I compare my intake to all these other skinny people, its like wth... and im not sure I can really do all that much damage in 1-2 days.

The whole weekend of being around friends kind of pushed me over the edge - it was really hard to be around all of my super skinny, size 0 friends for a couple days. I think I have a serious case of body dysmorphia setting in, and when some one recommended counseling, I have a really hard time seeing how a therapist could convince me to be okay with my body. Has anyone seen a therapist for this? I mean, i'm a physical disaster so how does therapy help with this?? Im planning on plastics sooner rather than later, but I still need to lose at least another 30-40 lbs first (which at this point seems like an eternity away)

I just dont feel like I have the energy to care right now which puts me in a very dangerous spot. Ive been sick with some mutant cold  and in pain for 2 weeks now. My body aches, I havent exercised in the last 2 weeks which is really only contributing to my feeling defeated.  I have so far to go that Im really scared at this point. It looks like each pound is going to be a battle at this point, and I'm just so tired. I really want to go to the doctors to find out why my knees and feet hurt so bad, but im afraid of hearing the typical "lose weight, your'e fat" sob story I get from the doctors all the time. I've lost too much weight to be having this kind of pain though. Thats really hard for me to deal with since all I want to do is work out but I dont want to hurt myself even more.

I just felt like venting/rambling. But, I'm not giving up. I can at least recognize what's going on, so I made myself cook last night so I dont have to think about food for the week. Here was the end result :)  I experiemented with some egg white muffins which came out ok -  a little plain, and made some chicken/veggies. I usually make my food for the week since I'm super lazy but it really makes life easy when my will power is compromised - at least this way, I know what i'm eating and there's no temptation to eat something unhealthy or high in calories.

There arent any pics from the wedding bc I was hiding from any and all cameras - I just couldn't do it. Hopefuly I'll get my head screwed on straight soon.




 

Alison----
I was going to say---"Don't you dare get down in the dumps!!! You've done in 7 months plus pre op what it's taken me 20 months to accomplish. I always watch your results---with envy!"

However, everyone's entitled to some down time...so grumble away...even when you've been wildly successful, IMHO. It just gets to be a little overwhelming sometimes with such a huge loss but with still more to go---and yes...fighting for every pound. I still want to lose 50 more...but it's slow, slow, slow...6  weeks of 0 and 8 pounds last week all of a sudden.

I would see the Dr about your knees and feet. I think they should be improving, also. But maybe just a small set back.  What about some pool time if you don't already do that? It's still the main source of my cardio. Some relief for the joints!

I think you put your time to good use---I'd bet planning is one of your keys to success! I, too,keep the Glad Company in business. Frig is baggie city!

A shrink?  I saw one regularly for awhile. Can they help? Sure...but plastics will probably be your answer if possible. (Not in my future, unfortunately. But i would bet you're about half my age).

Do something fun for yourself to get out of the funk. You're an inspiration to many.  Feel better!!

Im down in the dumps, but I also know giving up is not an option. I have a long life ahead of me that I have to think of, and I know this is just temporary.

Im going to try swimming again probably in a couple days when i can comfortably breath again but last weekend, I tried and my leg wasnt feeling it.

Thanks for the encouragement.

Take a deep breath Allison!

Everything you are experiencing is totally normal, and things will get better. You are what 7months out, so over halfway through your first year. Much of the excitement has worn off, but you are no where near done losing weight. You've probably got another 10months at least of weight loss. However, if the scale is giving you this much stress, maybe you should chuck it?

I think you should def. go see a doc about your knees, as you have lost so much weight I doubt his/her response would be weight related.

Don't be so hard on yourself, this is hard work, and you're sick! For Pete's sake, you've lost an overweight person already! You are doing a great job, just take a breath, get outta your head and do some light easy exercise. Something gentle and restorative like walking, swimming, yoga. You don't need to kill yourself to lose lbs. and you know that.

Hang in there, the body image thing is going to take a while, some people are thrilled right away, others of us (myself included) take quite a while to adjust to our new selves. Esp. for us heavyweights. I think the key is to be kind to ourselves, we've been beaten up enought by the world, the last thing we need is negative thoughts sticking in our head. Turn it around and look for that silver lining as much as possible- it helps I promise!

Good luck,
:Danni

Id love to take a deep breath but my nose and lungs are objecting!! Hopefully my cold goes away so I can stop drinking 400 cal a day in Nyquil :-p

I stay off the scale except for Monday's now, and I need to weigh at least once a week to keep myself on track. I guess the stall by itself I could live with but once the other issues start popping up with it just drains me.

But you're right - I'm going to make an appointment because I need my knee to feel better so I can get back on my bike!

Vent all you want - Ramble on too. Just like you said, your not giving up. Good for you. I have not been on this site for a long time and I do not visit as much as I did before but one thing that I have seen since the beginning is you posting your support for others. I do not know you but I can tell you are a good person who deserves the best. From time to time I read your replies to others and use them for motivation for myself. You stay strong and keep up the great effort I have seen from you. Feel free to fill my inbox or the forums with your words anytime. Wishing you the best along your journey.

Noooo you can't feel this way!!! I was going to look to you to help me with the same type of situation! I saw that you were recently experiencing the scale moving up and this is happening to me and I'm so lost and confused about it. It's not some stupid regular stall (that I already had the pleasure of experiencing), this is different and it's a 6 pound gain that's STAYING for 5+ days. I feel utterly defeated and I just want to cry. You've lost SOOOO much so I just knew you'd have some kind of answer! I know this is your rant and I don't want to take away from that but you're not alone... maybe that will be comforting in some way? And maybe it will be good to know that some of us newbies look to you as a guide :)

I hope you figure out what's going on soon.

Shwag, just so you know a stall can last upwards of a month. A week isn't even a major stall...

Most people stall around 3wks, 3months, 6months, 1yrs, and 18months. Some stall for a day, others 3 weeks. There is no way to know when your body is going to be ready to drop mass....however if you are measuring your body you will probably notice that you are losing inches during that time.

Take your measurements- it may help, and focus on the things you CAN do now, that you couldn't before.

It does get better!

:Danni

It's not that the scale isn't moving down that bothers me, it's that it went UP 6 pounds  and is pretty much hovering there. Don't you darrrre say 3 months and a year to me!! :)

You're just over a month now, right? And already stressing???? Yikes- You my fellow BMI 50+ are a prime candidate for tossing your scale or weighing once a month, you are not defined by some number- you are more than that!

Are you getting in all your water, vits and protein? If so, then it will drop off...patience is a virtue ;)

:D