Feeling totally defeated today

I just went through a gain + stall for 3 weeks not too long ago. Its rough but when I get some more energy hopefully today, I'll send you a more detailed response about getting through it. My head is just kind of foggy at the moment.

I didn't mean to hijack your thread! I'm sorry!

There's no such thing as hijacking! I posted here because everyone has been through/going through similar things, so jump right in. It was more a whine fest than anything :-p

You are doing so well!!  You can have a WWF no holds barred B*fest if you want at this point ;) What can you really do but go to the doc and take it easy?  Its like you said, this is a lifetime thing, and getting sick, some aches and pains are gonna come...and hopefully go.  very very soon.  I am wishing you a speedy (er) recovery!! **HUGS**

Sorry you feel so defeated. I can relate, I think we all can relate! We all have a long way to go, we have abused our bodies, and our brains. I have my emotional can't deal with this "diet", I need a change in my life, something, or someone to tell me how I have come such a long way and that I look great. Of course I think this is all my need for more connection with my partner. I have found myself searching for it everywhere. I still have that voice in my head that hates me, hates my body, and will I will amount to nothing. That voice has been there for so long, but the more and more confident I become the less it speaks up. But, those days it does I forget how to deal with it.
How is that for a ramble...? lol

my hope is to shut the voice down completely and be happy with myself, no matter how long it takes.

That's a nice ramble :)  Today is the day for rambling  - get it out of our system and then time to move on with the week.

I just feel like - im naturally a negative/pessimistic person, but Ive made it a point NOT to be like that for the last 7 months, and I've had to try really hard to be more optimistic and more trusting in the process and less cynical. I think that tires me out more than anything else, bc its so much f*****ng energy to convince myself week after week that I'm going to be ok if im less than perfect. Obviously, I believe im making progress, but it's hard work, and im really tired from all the stress in my life.

Fortunately, I feel like I have worked really  hard at also building healthy habits and making susbtantial life style changes that go beyond a typical "diet" mentality so even now when my mental energy reserves are drained, im not falling back into the dirty old habits that made me fat. I mean, if the worse thing that I did this weekend was eat too many protein bars, then hell, im doing pretty good lol.

You should be VERY proud of what you have accomplished in 7 months.  I am jealous of your weight loss.  I am seeing a therapist that specializes in bariatric patients and she does counseling on body image issues.  It might be helpful just to try counseling to see how you like it.  Also, if you feel like you have stalled, you might consider going back to the nutritionist to see if there is anything you can do differently.  

 I wish I was kidding when I say that when I had one appointment with the dietician, she freaking gave me a food pyramid and told me to eat X number of servings of each food group. 

Yeah, pretty useless. Even the bariatric doc (that told me to meet with her) was like no...not quite. So, wtf. Kaiser really doesnt offer much in the way of bariatric nutriton. However, I feel like i know what I need to do, and weddings and receptions certaintly threw a wrench into my norm. Good thing I dont know a lot of people getting married any time soon!!