Intensive Out-Patient Eating Disorder Program

Today is the big day!  Today I start an Intensive Out-patient Eating Disorder Program for Binge eaters, Compulsive over eating, or Food addiction.  (whatever name you want to use, they are all very similar)

I am very excited about this program.  It offers much needed help on this disorder that I have.  I have been searching for this since June.  One of the main components of the programs is blind weigh ins at the place for them and they ask us not to weigh ourselves either.  This is to make sure we focus on relationship with food and not the number on the scale.

They also ask that we do not exercise for 2 weeks.  I am told that if they do not think you have your eating under control that they will not recommend exercise.  Their pamphlet did say exercise restriction is part of recovery.  So since Thursday I have not exercised and it was not as hard as I thought.:smile:   I think not getting on the scale will be more challenging for me.  But I am going to follow their suggestions to the letter for now.  I did weigh myself today and I am not going to weigh myself again until January 1st.   If this works for me I will continue with sporadic weigh ins and measure my success by clothes sizes. 

The intake lady really convinced me that the constant weighing is hindering me.  She said it is not the same for normal people and even some who are overweight are not binge eaters like me.  So this no weigh in stuff is not applicable for everyone.  I did not get up to 600 plus pounds by normal overeating.  I need to get the mind set thing in order so I can stop the yo-yoing that I have been doing for over a year now. 

My schedule is going to be FULL with 4 days of this program (M, Tu, Thu 6pm to 9pm and Sat 8:30 to 11:30)  Plus I have to squeeze in visits to dietitian, daily choirs, ministry & yes work!  I will do my best to check in on weekends.  This is a 4 to 6 week program, thank goodness. 

You all keep up the good work and keep on keeping on!!  I will check in with any tidbits when I can.  Just remember I will be back in about 2 months.  

I hope that you will find the program helpful! Please check in as often as you can and let us know how it's going. Let us know if we can offer any support. Good luck!

Holy Smokes, MOLLY!

Hey, you are always inspirational, and I have been considering some real therapy for my issues, too!  I really hope you continue to share this process, as all your posts have helped me & so many others.

My thoughts will be with you -- stay positive -- and be that same, supportive woman in the program that you have been on OH!!!!  You are a wonder to behold - thank you!!!

Brenda : )~

  Molly I just wanted to say how Lucky you are to be alive.  Many people die from binge eating and compulsively overeating. My brother died  at 39 weighing about 600 pounds was one of them and  Gastric -by- pass did not help control it.  It just slowed the binge eating  down for a little while. Most human bodies just can't take that much weight without shutting down.
         It took me a lot therapy to learn to control my eatting habit and to Stop Binge eating and Compulsiviely overeatting  myself.
 
         Still fighting my battle everyday.  I have addictive personality. We it comes to food, money, shopping , gambling.  It just makes life harder for some people.
      People call it  Binge eating, Grazing'  But, What it is ,Is compulsive overeating not just being able to stop until the pan is empty. Just eating all day long because, Food is your best friend. Sending all day long in the kitchen cooking the perfect meal for your family.  But, Eating most of it yourself.   Food is just a thing.    It is not   your friend.  It does'nt make you feel better.    I am so glad  your getting real help and changing your relationship with food.  Food is something I like.  I don,t love it any more.  It is to be enjoyed in small amounts.

        I tried to Overeaters Anonymious meeting. But, A lot of the people were Compulsive overeaters, But, Were also Anorexic.  they were  skin and bones. and Were still threwing up and not controlling the disease.
 
 So most of the tome was devoted to them.   I was never a person who could throw up and I had never took laxatives to lose weight.
       None of them were really anything close to being over- weight.   Most were underweight just  skin and bones.  I felt like the three hundred pound Gorilla in the room with skinny women. I was everything they were dying  not  to be.   So I felt totally unconfortable and I think I made them fill the sameway.   

           .   So much for my perfect world. thinking I would get some help .  It  did not seem like  help to me.    I can image what they thought of me being at their meeting.    I think just seeing a really big fat person.  Made them sicker. I had always thought Overeater Anonymious was for over- weight people.   Who were trying to lose weight.  But, That we not the case.  I was drive fifty miles to go the meeting three times a week just to feel even worst about myself.  Actually.  I learned more bad habits from those meetings them than good habits.
    
       I think most of the help. I got was from reading the OA books and learning to forgiving myself .   I don,t know about the ten step program.  I just know I had to forgive myself,  My family and others for not being perfect. And to stop judging myself by the rest of the world standards.  I always knew in my heart that I was a special and good person.  I just never understood why the rest of the world only saw the outside of me and would look beyond the outside..  Just because, I was fat.  It was something I could not control. 
   I had so much anger and hate in me.  That I finally had to just let it go and learn to like myself.   You have to start with liking your self before you can learn to love yourself.
           I was  angery about everything.  I was angery at my brother for dying.  I was at my father for being fat.  I was angery because,  I was born a fat baby.  I even hated God at this point in my life.  I blamed him for everything bad that had ever happened to me.   I hated him for never answering my prayers to be skinny  and for making me fat.

         That why the 10 Steps at OA did not work for me.  You have to trust in a higher power.  I believed my higherpower had let me down my entire life.   I was carrying so much anger and rage in me for every  person who ever called me a name or made fun of because. I because was fat. 
My prayer were not answered.  So I was angry at God/Jesus too.  I am still not sure how I did it. but.  I finally just let it all go one day.  Anti depressates helped.
          I guess wanted to say is that Compulsive overeating and Binge eating is not just one problem.   It a life time of problems and balled up into one.  Every begins with healing the Spirit. Finding Jesus love for us.  Knowing that God  really does love us. Just the way we are.  Just like our parents.
 
  I hope you have good Luck with your program and get the therapy you need.   You are an Amazing person Molly.  
.  It  is never to late to learn something new.

Thanks so much for sharing Doris.  Did you ever take topamax?  So sorry to hear about your brother. 

    Yes,   I was on Tapamax.  It has some of the worst side effects possible and I think had every one of them.  My doctor kept increasing the dose.  Until, Was on the maximum dose possible.   I had shooting pains though my legs.  My period lasted for 3 months.  It got so bad.  I could not leave the house. It was so bad that I had no energy. Just stayed in bed all day.  I got paranoia and thought I was dying of something. .  Near realizing that paranioa was one of the side effect. 
  I lost a small amount of weight at first. But, My doctor was so happy he kept   increasing my  doses.  Everything got just  worst. The shooting pain through my legs and feet.  I was under able to eat  Because of the cramps in my stomach and feeling of wanting to throw up all the time for four weeks. I told doctor about my cramps.and  the pain in my stomach.   all cared about was the weight coming off and blew my complains away.  As long as  I was losing weight. 
   I went off of it the first time looked it up on the computer and sawing the giant warning about the drug.  I also find that day that my doctor lie to me about my symtoms. He was  so laud that I was losing weight.  He told me the reason.  I was having a heavy period was not because of the medication.  But, Because, I was so heavy.  Which was and out and out lie.  He new it was so bad.   I could not even leave my home without bleed though everything. after taking it for  about  4 months of taking it.  The last four weeks on the maximum dose given.  The side effect just get worst with time.
I am now on Wellbutin and have not had a problem.
Just check the side effects before starting any medication.