no more surgery for me...

I started my process with medicaid in October 2010.. i went to all my psych consults and i had 2 more months to finish my nutrionist  consult and then my paper would go in.   Everyone in my family knew... my mom told everyone in my family that i was going to get this done...  NOW IM NOT!!! 

i had medicaid cause i lost my job a while back. they asked for 6 months of nutrition classes. and i was almost done... 

medicaid was taken away from me because i got a job.  i am so sad over this, i fail ever diet i go on... im 420 lbs and i must lose weight, i have a 7 year old son.  i have diabetes, high blood pressure, severe obstructive sleep apnea, high cholesterol, and a fatty liver... I have all the comorbidities one can have...  and to top if off i take depression medicine! 

im a total failure... i cannot lose weight...
with my $8.00 an hr job, i cannot afford to pay cash for my surgery...  what can i do?   has anyone else out there been through this? 

i am a 33 year old single mother of 1 child.  i live with my parents.. does anyone have a magic lamp?

feeling lonely and depressed,

I am so sorry you feel so hopeless... I have been there.  I began my weight loss journey weighing over 100 lbs more than you.  I had surgery in 2009 and lost 176 lbs.  I have now gained back about 50 lbs or so.  I tell you I have felt so discouraged and hopeless here lately.  But I know in my heart that God can help us, but we have to at least try.  I gave up my carbs and really really tried when I was doing my pre op diet but now seem to feel like I can't get a grip on my life again.  But I did do this, it is not impossible... I remember that.  So I know that it is not impossible for you.  We may have to cry through it, because we are addicted but we can do it with God's help.  So, please try to find you a church where you can have people around you praying for you!  Do your best everyday to limit your carbs, get your water in and eat protein all you can.  It is not impossible and maybe while you are doing your pre op dieting, you will find a job with insurance or something better will happen for you.  Keep praying..  It will happen!! 

I can't even imagine how you feel about not being able to get the surgery! That is definitely heart breaking ;(

But, you have a couple options. You can feel sorry for yourself and condemn yourself to a life of misery, or you can get back on your feet, use the information you learned in your nutrition classes, and start making some life style changes.

I started as a pre-op at 420 lbs, and I was at my rock bottom. I didn't really want to live any more, every day was extremely painful, I could barely take care of myself and I was only 26! I am still waiting for surgery, but I'm learning to take care of myself. I've lost about 75 lbs in 10 months, and it makes a huge huge difference. It's been very difficult, but it's been worth every hard decision I've had to make along the way.

Baring some medical issues, you CAN lose weight without surgery. I'm not saying it will be easy, and I'm not saying you won't have your ups and downs, but you CAN DO IT. You have a child that you have to take care of, and you need to learn to take care of you as well. Please don't think you are done with your life here - pick up one foot, and put it in front of the other.

Post here for support - there are so many wonderful people here, and it sounds like you could really use all the support you can get. And please, don't ever give up!

I know you must feel defeated but there is the Lord above ask and he will provide...will keep you in my prayers sweetie!!!!

       
         Depression is a serious disease in it self and would make you able for medicare and disability.  Even if your on depression medication you need to seen by physiologist on a regular or weekly basis.  See if can get help from Gulf Bend Mental Health or your medical doctor.

       Don,t be ashamed of asking for help.  I remember being depressed  myself and just wishing to die. . Wanting to kill myself ashamed to go out in public.  Because, I was fat and new would be ridaculed.   I felt so helpless, hopeless, afraid,lost and unable do anything about it.   Diets just did not work for me.  I would come off a diet and gain even more weight. by the time it was over.
  My hopelessiness just got worst.    Especially after my brother died.  Weighing about 500 pounds.  Bury was a horrible experience.  Because , He would not fit into a normal size casket.  Trying to find men who capable of carrying him.  Ever relatives made it hard.  Ambalance people were out right rude and cruel about  having to carry his body.    I felt nothing but, Shame thinking they were thinking the same thing about me.  That would end up the same way.  Died and nobody caring.  Because, I was fat.
     All I can say is that things can get better.   Surgery is not a miracle cure all. If it was not for my  brother would have gained all his weight back after have his gastric-by-pass.  He weight 400 pounds and lose 150 pounds then gained it all back and more.

  First of all find treatment for your depression.  Depression only causes you to gain more weight. Sometimes you need to be on more than one depression pill.  Start walking with your daughter.  You will start feeling better right away. Get your endorphine working again.
            Don't ever be shame of going to work for a living.  Get out of the house aleast your starting to move again.   Your life can get better.  But, You have to want to find ways to make it better.  I happen to believe anybody who is over two hundred pounds over their normal weight. Has to have been damaged somehow.  You have to learn to love yourself again.  Even when you think others don,t.   That is the first step to anything important in life.  Once your able to love yourself.  Then you can feel Gods love for you and Know that are special and that their is know other person on earth like you.

  Know that you are in my prayers.  
Hoping your able to get the help you need.

  Their truly was a point in my depression that I blame God for every thing. That had happen to me in my life.  I did not believe in him anymore.
         I was fat and He made me this way so I hated him for it. My prayers were never answered.   Children at school treated me like I was less than human because, I was fat and deserve nothing but, Their scorn.    Why could I not made me be thin for once in my entire life.  This got me to the point of wanting to kill my self. 

       Remember ,
This is just one of the symptoms of depression. Hating yourself , hating God, not being able to talk to your family.  Thinking the world has turned against you, thinking only of dying.

So sorry to hear this dear.  So I take it your job does not have insurance and that you did not know the surgery would be cancelled if you got a job.  I hate to suggest you quit your job and get back on Medicaid because this is a life changing event and  will be worth it in the end. 

Until then, I would like to know if you ever tried Myfitnesspal.com.  Whatever you do, do not give up on losing weight.  Success is never giving up.  Myfitnesspal.com is a very supportive social network for those trying to lose weight.  Give this a try until you find a way to have WLS. My name is Mollie1037 on MFP.com.  I have re-lost 44 pounds of 80 pounds I gained back with them and I highly recommend it.  It will on work if you are interactive with others.

Hang in there and keep us posted.

Check with Social Services and see if they have a Medicaid buy down or pay down program.  It allows you to have Medicaid coverage even if you have a job, since your job is basically minimum wage.  It requires you to pay into the program but at a much lower rate than any standard insurance.

Good luck.

I do not have a magic lamp, but do know how sad it can be to be postponed.  I started my process in 2004 lost my job, could not get surgery, got leukemia, went on disability, recovered waited 2 years for Medicare to kick in and finally had surgery in 2010.  If you continue to believe it will happen for you, I believe it will happen eventually.  Things will change as long as you keep this as your goal.  Maybe you will get another job, maybe you will get a surgical loan, maybe  the situation will change in several ways.  Keep doing what you can and face what is before you, but do not give up on yourself.  You are worth fighting for.  Stay here on this site, get support for the loneliness and depression, keep believing the universe has the answers.  the world reflects back what you believe about it. 

Cecelia

DonnaMarie said pretty much what I was thinking!  See if your State has a health program for moderate income folks.  My boyfriend was approved, but was about to lose his health insurance, so had to put his surgery on hold.  He has since found a State Health Plan that won't cover surgery, but he at least is covered for catastrophic issues up to 100K -- for about a third of what he paid for his COBRA.

Medicaid is not Medicare -- you having diabetes, have you applied for Medicare???  I am unsure, but think that condition may make you eligible for Federal Medicare Insurance.

Hang in there, ask the hospital to assist you in finding coverage -- and DON'T forget to ask the folks handling your Medicaid coverage -- they may have something to help you (even a spend down would be helpful!)

Good luck!!
Brenda : )~