Almost 10 months out and need support again

Well, I had the VSG 10-26-09.  I have lost almost 90 lbs (depending on the day).  I constantly am fighting.  I went to a bbq yesterday and did so well..at first.  I ended up eating potato chips, banana pudding, and a brownie.  I am on my cycle, but dang!  I was so disappointed in myself.  I have been in the 220s for what seems like forever.  I know its me.  I don't feel the kind of restriction I did in the beginning, but I don't feel the kind of hunger I did before surgery.  I know I am under a lot of stress right now, but I can't let that be an excuse.  (my kids are having problems, husband been unemployed for 2 years, I work full time, and I am working on my second master's degree, both of my parents are ill)  I started with a bmi of 53.7 and I have gone down to 38 and that is amazing, but I still have such a long way to go, especially if I am taking months to lose 2 lbs.

I decided on the VSG because I wanted to live normally and eat normally, but there is nothing normal about me.  I have an eating addiction.  I think of food always.  I really want to learn how to let go.  I want to be successful.  My lowest weight has been 224; today I am 227.  I really want to get down to 200, before I reassess my goal.

I look better and feel better, but there is a lot that I still don't like about my body...mostly my mid-section.  I know that was a lot of rambling.  I guess I just want to know that I'm not alone and I belong somewhere.

well, thanks for listening,  i mean reading.  By the way, I would do it again in a heartbeat!

   I can relate to so much of what you wrote about preoccupation with food.  Food fixation and stress eating are eating disorders that can be treated. Don't beat yourself because willpower will always not work in these situations.  Here are a few approaches that have helped me.  I found a therapist who helps a lot to find out why I really want to eat.  I know-STRESS, duh!   So I have had to learn new ways to deal with stress.  In the same vein, I read Geneen Roth's book Women, Food and Good and that was a real eye-opener about how to handle the constant cravings.  Finally, I go to Overeaters Anonymous meetings and they are intensely helpful.  There is so much shared support there.  Everyone is on the same page when it comes to food fixation. 
       You have so much going on that is causing stress.  It is very hard not to want to comfort eat.  We are all in the same boat here struggling with the problems that made us obese in the first place.  Please keep posting for support.

Pen

I have been where you aren feel your frustration....but don't let it turn to hopelessness. You have done so well and you can continue to! Remember your WLS was given to you to use as a tool...a weapon against our wanting and desiring food all the time. If you have time, maybe you can read some of my profile. I hope it will give you the encouragement that you need right now. Take care...keep on keeping on and may God bless you in your journey.
Cindy

THANK YOU BOTH SO MUCH. IT IS A CONSTANT STRUGGLE. I WELCOME YOU SUGGESTIONS AND WILL USE THEM.

Pen gave great advice!!!! I would definitely either go to oa or get a therapist..preferably both! Sometimes we need more help than restricting our physical stomachs. A great amount of the time it is our minds over physical that cause the biggest problems.

Before I attempted to have surgery I started going to counseling. I went there for 4 years before I was ready to have my surgery. I needed to get to the bottom of what my problem was so that my surgery would be successful. Dealing with stress is a skill that has to be learned, and working out issues that you don't even realize are still bothering you is also something that takes time and patience.

You have already had your surgery and are doing a wonderful job. Take an additional step and get the support you NEED. It takes more than one person to carry the weight of the world. ((((hugs)))) best of luck to you!!!!

Yeah NO matter the surgery we don't have a free pass with CARBS...the devil is what I call them cause they are always on my shoulder saying EAT me Michelle...come on you know you want to.

Currently I am "maintaining" more by choice but everyday I'm like HEY what happened to that 185 goal and M-F I remember well Sat & Sun I forget!!

For me it's boiling down to what I WANT more.  I am really good at maintaining and I maintain eating the stuff that you mentioned, so now I just have to REMEMBER on the weekends that one day SOON if I just stick to this I'll be able to enjoy them!!

Much success darlin.

Ms Shell

Hi Shell!

You have no issue or limits with simple carbs with the sleeve? 

I love bread, rice, pasta and even though I strip bread all the way down - example : I eat like 1/4th of any sandwich bread, pizza doe, wrap, eat the inside of a bagel and all the cream cheese, little pasta or rice and pile on the veggie instead.  I easily slip with a fresh Brooklyn bagel these days AND I pay a huge price on the scale.  The Band helped so much with carbs when sufficiently restricted.  I'm hoping that my sleeve whether a plication or a gastrectomy with help too - infact I was counting on it.

Hope you are enjoying your summer.

Best,
Leila

Well now which simple carbs lol.  I barely barely eat potatoes, rice, bread and pasta.  I have eaten potatoes but they seem to sit REALLY heavy in my stomach and then projectile out my mouth.  I don't buy rice and pasta or bread but I have eaten sushi rolls with no problem but I eat about 4-6 pieces.  When I do bread it's Subway and I'll get a foot long and break it up in 4 piece and can do it fine.  I can eat 2 pieces of pizza with crust and MAYBE if I'm greedy the toppings off slice 3.  With pasta dishes at home I measure out 1/2 to 1oz of pasta and cook it.  I have eaten 1/2 a large onion bagel toasted with cream cheese.  NOW those carbs seem to have some restrictions BUT...

Other simple carbs like cookies, cakes, chips and salsa, potato chips, crackers...I think on non sweet simple carbs I SWEAR it feels like I can eat them FOREVER and EVER and EVER.  Luckily I don't buy them at the house anymore to "test" that theory, but I have eaten them at restaurants and parties etc.  OMG yeah forever.  Now the sweet stuff I HAVE a limit but ONLY because my stomach starts to churn and hurt but if I pace them out I can eat to much.

I will say my WANTING and NEEDING these items has gone down TREMENDOUSLY but if they are in my face they do call me.  Also I wasn't like that early on but now at almost 3 years out but I am still restricted to a degree cause BEFORE surgery I could pile it on AND eat a 4 course meal (especially the chips and salsa) now when I have them I can barely eat my dinner and usually end up taking over 3/4 home.

I am loving my summer darlin and hope the same for you!!

Ms Shell

I agree, therapy should help you with all the stress in your life, and hopefully help you figure out why the need to eat.  Just fixing the stomach won't fix the feelings/emotions.

Main reason I backed out of surgery in 2004/2005 was I had too many distractions (as you do!) to really have the quality time to work on MYSELF.  This is probably asking too for too much, but any chance someone could help take some of your personal load???

When you have the emotions under control, the rest seems to fall into place ;)

Hang in there - and remember, YOU are your best friend!!!  Take care of YOU!
HUGS!!!
Brenda  : )~

Im in your exact situation. I have actually gained about 30 pounds- which it started changing my birth control and that was like automatic 20 pounds nad since then I can't stop gaining. My husband was laid off too- and I have been working 2 jobs and finishing up my MBA, and had a 2 deaths in my family (1 was a kidnapping)- HORRIBLE. So I eat when I am stress, I eat and eat till I throw up....

I also eat when I am tried which is 90% of the time....

I am really trying to remove extra things from my life- and even changed my jobs, to a less relaxed job...

I am starting to say NO- to those SIMPLE bad carbs that I started eating...

I am trying to stay positive- even with everything going on in my life...

Yes I started at 315 and I am at 225- but I still have about 50 pounds to loose I know I can do it if I set my mind to it....

I telll myself, I don't understand why I have lost control, when I used to have so much control before surgery- I lost weight on my own before....

I think I just have so much going on - that my weigh loss and "loving myself" has been puton the back corner...

But I am learning...

Take care- keep your chin up--- you are not alone