X post ~ I still feel like a freak

I do, when I weighed almost 500 pounds I blamed it on  that, then post op I was blaming it on the extra skin, I just had abdominoplsty and I am STILL not happy.  Now I  just think my face is ugly and I feel that I look older than my 35 yrs.  Why am I like this? Will I ever feel happy? I look at other women when I am out shopping and whatnot and I am convinced I look nothing like them....I am all fake, just makeup and hair dye, under it I feel like a monster....distorted, I feel like everyone is staring at me.  I just started counseling.  I just want to feel happy inside, 80% of the time I am just pretending to be.  I lost over 300 lbs!  I should be ecstatic, what the "H" is wrong with me?

/rant  (sorry)

I'm happy to see you say that you've started counseling. Do that for yourself....you're the best investment you can have!!! Hold on girl...this is a total transformation not just on the outside...but inside out. It's gonna be ok. You never know...those women you're looking at could be thinking the same things while they're looking at you. No one has it all together....

hang in there!!!!!

Stella, I wonder if feeling like a freak is a habit.  When I read that you lost 300 pounds, I thought "That's a miracle, not a freak!"  First of all, congratulations on your very hard work.  You do understand that you have worked hard and deserve to feel good about that, right? 

I have some girly girl friends, who are normal weight (although they'd like to be skinnier).  The first time I saw one of them without her makeup, I almost didn't recognize her!  I have another friend *****fuses to go out without makeup.  Most of my friends color their hair, not because they have to, but because they want to.  We're girls.  We get to wear makeup, change our hair color/texture/style, wear ridiculous clothing.  It's a girl thing.  Instead of feeling fake, my girly girl friends feel pretty.  :-)  Isn't that funny?  I think it's just a matter of perspective.  You've completely changed your body.  it must be hard to grasp the fact that you are not fake, you are beautiful.  You are not a freak, you are a miracle.  You had and continue to have the courage to be the best you that you can be.  I applaud you!

Would you try writing down some affirmations about yourself and reciting them often to counter your "freak" feelings?  Maybe put them on your bathroom mirror to remind you that you are the best Stella ever.  Your story is amazing. 

Yo, Stella, if they are staring, it is because you are stunningly beautiful, at least IMHO.

If the haircolor and makeup don't feel comfortable, figure out what is comfortable - for YOU. From what I know of your life, I think you live a very organic, earth-friendly, nature-centered life. If you decide to "enhance" youself, maybe just a dust of blush is more your style than full makeup. Let your natural beauty be your guide.

You've made a good choice in starting counseling.

You are not a freak - well, maybe a little - it's that tie dye tee....

Hugs!

From all the older WLS folks I've talked to it- this is normal. I feel the same way many days. Some days I'll look in the mirror and go "yeah I can see the hawtness" and then other days I think "Ack! What happend- ugh-my icky body!"

It's a process and yes therapy will help, but so will time. You have lost an amazing amount of weight- in a very short time period and you need a bit to adjust.

Oh and you don't look older FYI! You look wonderful!!! I know you can't believe it yet, but you'll soon be able to see what everyone else does- you're lovely!

Stella, I do not know you, and your profile is private, but I can relate.

I have a weird "Super Power," it is having my photo taken.  When I am feeling great, it shows in my photos.  I have had my photo taken a various times - and my mood seems to influence how the photos come out!  Even my drivers license is a glamor shot!

Catch me when I am feeling down on myself - it shows in the photo (grr).  I think you are going through what therapists call "Body Dysmorphia".  When I lost a dramatic amount of weight in the past (haven't we all?!), I was unable to fully process what I looked like.  This time around, I am seeking help to encourage me to succeed and NOT see myself in this distorted way.

Can I also tell you something, I (a total stranger) appreciate you having the guts to admit to the world and yourself that you are having a problem.  You may not see you the way OTHERS see you, so honey, start listening to others around you!

Hugs!  Be proud of your accomplishment!  WOW! I read 300 pounds lost - you inspire ME!
Brenda  : )~

You've had a whole lifetime of society telling you to hate yourself because of your weight. That doesn't go away overnight. You have to train your brain now just like you retrained your body. Is your counselor a Cognitive Behaviour Therapist? If not, consider finding one. They have techniques and activities that can help your brain catch up to your body.

All my best - strength girl.