Optimistic/denial/self sabatoge

So I'm 3 weeks from surgery and kinda/sorta/not really starting freak out.  My therapist has been suggesting I get an outfit in my goal size.  The surgeon has set my goal for 190-200lbs and a size 14. I weighed 240 when I graduated high school 20 or so years ago and 300 when I got married 10 years ago.  I can't see it.  Ive gone to a few stores and looked at things Ive loved in a 14/16 and my mind can not wrap around me fitting into something that small. I haven't been able to buy anything. The visualization thing is so not working for me.

On one hand I don't want to set myself up to fail by being unrealistic. I weigh 375 pounds at 5'9. I wear 26/28 or 30/32 depending on the store.  I am more concerned about dress size than pounds so 200 sounds crazy to me. I don't want to disappoint myself. I THOUGHT size 16 would be O****il I started really seeing clothes in that size...shhhiiitttt.

The other thing is once I've gotten off all insulins and BP meds and can sit in any chair without worry, Ive reached my goal.  I don't want to lose sight of that.  I want to just ride this thing as far as I can get healthy and do me. I say I don't want to obsess about scales and  sizes but I have no clue what kind of crazy I'm getting ready to unleash in myself. 

My BFF says I'm being negative and self sabotaging.  I "think" I'm trying to be realistic, not set unrealistic goals and keeping it real.   Hell if I know.  What do y'all think?  Did you buy a goal item/outfit?

I am about 7 months out of surgery and have lost 73 pound. No longer on insulins and after surgery BP meds were cut over half. I am living the life and feeling great!!!!  I  also was wearing 26/28 or 30/32. Now 18/20 in about 7 month. Hang in there your change is coming!!!!!!!  Don't be bother about the scales and sizes, You will feel great!!!!!!

I think your therapist is jumping the gun.  Many of us with longer journeys find it more motivating to set smaller goals.  You are striving to be off of medication.  Maybe that is your first goal.  Your second perhaps is to become even more healthy.  Once there a new goal will emerge.  Maybe a size 18 or that pair of bad to the bone jeans.  Your BFF and therapist are projecting to the destination and you obvisously want to enjoy the journey.  Follow your heart.  Loris

I don't know about your therapist, but the last time I lost the weight on my own I hung my favorite pair of skinny jeans in my living room as inspiration.  I don't know if it really helped or not.  I don't have to buy a skinny outfit as I have clothes in every size from my current down to about size 6 thanks to a lifetime of yo-yo dieting.

But, I don't know if your therapist should be pushing you to do something you seem to feel might not help you.  How is her track record on other things?

Good luck to you with your upcoming surgery!

You need to focus on what makes you comfortable and if 16 sounds reasonable to you then thats what you focus on, once you reach that goal theres nothing to stop you from going to 14. You dont need to add more pressure on yourself you are doing great, I myself am not focusing on a certain dress, pants or blouse size Im focusing on getting the best new me that I can be, whatever size that may be. Best of luck to you and dont let them get you down your gonna do great!!!!!!

I think I had lost about 50 pounds and reached a size 20 when I decided to buy a pair of "Goal Jeans," in a size 10. I would try them on once a month without fail and see how much further up my legs I could get 'em! I hung them on the outside of my closet so I would see them first thing in the morning, too.

For me, it worked. I fit into the size 10's at 162 pounds, hung out at that size for a while and tried it out. Once I put the physical fitness piece in place about 6 months later and started slow with walking and running, another 31 pounds came off with hardly a whimper of effort, food-wise. I did switch to a more plant-based, less-processed diet, because I noticed it made me feel a lot better, but it was mainly the exercise that helped me turn the corner.

My goals have changed and evolved over time, and yours might, too. That's okay. My goal has become less about size (I wear a size 2/4 now) and more about what my body can DO. I'm training for a half-marathon (13.1 miles) in July and a full marathon in October.

Don't limit yourself by what you have previously attained--think outside the box. Our bodies are absolutely AMAZING--and gaining good health is what this is all about.

Hi there :)

I'm 5'"8 and my highest weight was 380... as of this morning I've lost 125.6 lbs.  I'm just over 6 months out from surgery. 

When I was pre-op and even for the first few months post-op, I HAD to take it one day at a time.  I was frightened, overwhelmed, not sure what to expect, etc.  Thinking about the end result of my body overwhelmed me - I didn't want to build up unrealistic expectations.  And I had only been under 250 for like a day of adulthood (proceeded to regain very quickly after I lose down to that).  

I do think visualization is an important exercise.  But I've chosen to visualize mini goals (maybe losing the next 5 lbs).  I rarely visualize my appearance... instead, particularly when I exercise, I visualize walking along  beach in the sand without getting winded.  I visualize riding a horse someday.  Kayaking.  Roller skating.  Basically all of the things I've wanted to do, but either couldn't do them or couldn't enjoy them b/c I was so uncomfortable with my weight.

I have no idea what a good weight is for me - I've never been a healthy weight!  I have no idea how much skin I'll have (probably a lot).  I have no idea what sizee will be best.  But what I do know is that I want to keep improving my health and feeling better.  I figure as I get closer I'll work with my docs on the ideal weight / number issues.  

I have a therapist and she's been very helpful at getting me through this process.  I would say though, that if she's asking you to do something that you're that uncomfortable with, disucss it with her.  And ultimately, you're the patient and you get to decide "no" if need be.   I don't think her idea is necessarily a bad one, but unless she's been as overweight as we have, maybe she can't understand the need to take it day by day.  Alcoholics don't typically visualize being sober for five years.  I think it's often a day by day situation there too. 

Best,
Michelel

Yeah, I LOVE my therapist.  We've only been together about 7-8 months so we are still figuring each other out.  I did tell her this week that the visualation thing so far out isnt working for me.  She suggested it and I was really trying to make it work for me instead of being aware enough to see it just wasnt working for me.

I hope I can stay focused as you and just go with the flow and let it be. 

I so appreciate everyones comments!  Sometimes ya just need to hear from people in the same boat.

Mrsrony, I know how u feel....I am 5'7,started @ 383 on my suregery date. Friends were pressuring me to buy a "goal outfit". Well, what the hell is "goal"??? I didnt know....Still dont know....I never did buy the outfit. I dont regret it. I have been shopping at thrift store/goodwill as I go down in sizes. I usually buy 2 sz too small, & then try them on every wee****il they fit. That is actually enjoyable!!! Just enjoy the ride, dont overthink this!  You are going to be awesome!!