confessions

I have'nt post here in a long time because I was ashamed of myself.

It seems when I hit the 6 month mark, I went a little crazy.  I started eating things I knew I shouldnt. But I just couldnt stop.  It was like I had NO control.  Cookies, cake, chocolate, candy..you name it, I ate it.  Even when it made me sick, and it did EVERY time, I still ate sugar.  I was boggled why I was doing this to myself, and I still havent really figured it out.  The cravings seem to have subsided for now.  I'm back to mostly protiens and good carbs, drinking alot, and rejoined the gym so I could start swimming again.
I can't tell you how scary it was to think I was going to put myself right back to where I was before WLS, and not seem to have control over it.  I think I experienced what addicts must go thru.  I guess that I'm a food addict.  Well, I KNOW that I'm a food addict, I just never had it hit me so hard in the face.
My weight loss stopped for 2 months.  Thank God its starting again.  I hit 250 earlier this week which makes the total weight loss 173lbs.  I'm down several sizes in clothes.
I'm very proud of myself, but a little freaked out that it was so easy for me to ease back into the old me, and the old way of eating.  I can't eat the massive quantities I used to, but I can still eat all the wrong things.  Surgery fixes the body, but not the mind.
Just wanted to share.  I'm reading all the old post and trying to catch up with everyone.  Ya'll are truely inspirating and wish we all lived close to each other for that support that only the "over 50" group can give.
Thanks for reading
April

We have the same wls month, and I'm impressed at your loss. Its not the falling that matters, its the getting back up. And you've done that. So many congrats, April!

April...

First off let me say how very proud of you I am for your accomplishments.. you have come a long way and are on your way to a new life.. 173lbs gone..

Ok with that said let me say this.. I am proud of you for taking the actions necessary to get back on track.. you got back in to control and are going to the gym again and that is a big accomplishment too..you are very right.. they did not do surgery on our brains..we have to learn to control that and that is harder then anything..the head hunger is the worst and can really make us do dumb things..I have to do crossword puzzles at night when I watch tv to keep my mind busy or I would be in the kitchen every hour looking for a snack..  the slip you had can happen to any of us food addicts at any time.. there is nothing to be ashamed of at all.. you had a problem sounds like with those darn bad CARBS.. once you start eating them they make you crave more and more.. .. just like you said you don't know why you did it , you were craving them and had to have them.. that is how it works unfortunately.. sounds like you were eating the carbs that were full of sugar too.. and sugar is the worst.. the more you eat the more you need to satisfy you..   we all broke this habit of the sweets and bad carbs to get our surgery done but we could all slip at any time right back into that loop like you did.. but I still say...KUDOS to you for getting that loop broken and getting back on the straight track.. Thank God you did not have a significant weight gain and are right back into loosing again..

One other thing that you might look into is your vitamin levels.. did they do a draw at 6 months.. when we are low in vitamin D we crave foods too.. that is why a lot of obese people have cravings is the low vitamin D levels.. I take dry vitamin D3 daily along with my other vitamins.. it really has seemed to help me with any cravings I was having.. granted a lot of it is head hunger  but the cravings have all but stopped..

The nut at my surgeons office has warned me that between 3 to 6 months our appetite will return and it will get harder not to graze.. I know I have been warned and she is right.. I am 4 months out and I felt like I was starving all the time.. I had to continually tell myself that I had eaten and I filled my pouch and that I could not eat for another 4 to 5 hours and I cant REALLY be hungry.. I have increased my water intake to almost 100oz a day and that seemed to help.. that is just 4 extra glasses...many times when we think we are hungry we are actually thirsty and our minds can not determine the difference.. I feel fuller all the time now and really am not feeling like I am starving all the time..

I still have a problem with head hunger at night.. I associate eating with watching tv.. I am fine during the day because I stay busy and do not sit down to watch tv.. if I take a break I get on here and stay busy mentally.. but at night when the programs come on I want to watch.. man it is hard.. so I still have that fear that I will slip at night and eat anything I can get my hands on.. it is an ongoing fear.. I bet we all have those fears at sometime or other..

I thank you for your honesty and posting this.. Believe me it helps to hear that we are not alone in our struggles.. you helped me see that the fears are real and I need to keep fighting the urges.. I will keep you in my prayers for you to stay on track and keep the carb monsters away..

Welcome back.. Stay around and let us know how you are doing.. I missed you...

huggs..

"Surgery fixes the body, but not the mind."

You've owned up to your totally human fall -- sounds like you're ready to move on. Isn't that much better than before the surgery? I know I would have kept the feed bag on because I felt so bad about falling down.

Teresa said a lot of wise things. Let's all listen to her wisdom.

I love all you folks.

YOU CAN DO HARD THINGS!!

((HUGS))

Glad to see you back Aprilrose.  Ashamed of yourself?  Did we all give you the impression we are perfect?  Heck far from it.  We are all close, just a click away.  If you feel yourself wavering again, remember that is when you need here the most!  My weight loss has slowed considerably and I sure don't follow the rules 100% all the time, but we have the rest of our lives to keep on giving it our best. 

Hi April!!  I hope you'll stick around this time, no matter what's going on.  I know it feels easy to isolate yourself when things are rocky, but part of being a community is supporting each other during rocky times too.  I'm so glad that you've gotten back on track and have learned a lot about yourself in the process.  It's not an easy thing to do and it demonstrates just how strong you are.

I started seeing a counselor almost a year before I had surgery... I did change counselors after a few months b/c I just didn't click with the first.  But I think being in therapy has helped me significantly with my food addict behaviors... I've learned a great deal about myself and think it's the best money I've ever spent.  If you haven't already, you may want to consider this... I see therapy as a medical necessity tool just like our surgeries, nutritionists, etc. 

I look forward to getting to know you more and please do stick around! 

Thank you for your honesty. I think we struggle in silence far too long before we reach out to those who want to help us get back on our feet. You will be in my prayers, remember, you conquered the sugar/carb demon once and you can do it again!!!

Thank you all for the wonderful words of encouragement and praise.  Today is a good day.  The cravings arent bad, and I'm not hungry, so I'm rejoicing!
Thanks for everything

I'm so glad you posted this, we all have struggled with the carb monster and you are not alone. I hope you keep posting here because this is the best place to come whether your on track or not.

However, I am very happy to hear that you are winning the war, the other posters are right- it's the getting back on track that matters not the falling down.

Ok I'm a little late, and so everyone has said everything I would have said lol

I think we all go through it, and honestly I think it is a good thing. First we are in the honeymoon phase convinced we can do no wrong and then.....LOL It is a wake up call that we really do have to control ourselves mentally. You are not alone.

I love that phrase You can do hard things...and my other favorite from here is fall down 7 times, get up 8. Sometimes we need to fall to see that we are strong enough to get up.

Congratulations on getting up!