I'm scared! (advice needed)

I'm not so scared of th procedure itself, but more scared of failing the surgery.  I think from years of failed diets, I am scared of failing again.  I know and understand that this surgery is the last resort for me, so it adds even more pressure that I have to do it this time or I will never be successful at sustaining weight loss and a healthier life.  Is this normal?

I know that I am my own worst enemy.  I like food.  But I believe I have made positive changes for myself over the last year to make the surgery successful, but know after surgery I will have even more changes.  

Then I get to thinking do I have habits that are hard to break or are they food addictions?

Maybe I am just over analyzing everything!  :)  

I would imagine once you start losing that becomes motivation to continue to make these healthier choices.
 
I know my motivation is in the right place, I am doing this to become a healthier me and for my family.  :)

BTW, I just got approval for RNY.  I don't have a surgery date yet, but I have preop consult next week.  Yay!  after years of employer exclusions.... I am saving leave time up and shooting for a target date for surgery in May.  I know it's a ways a way, I would do it now, but want to have a nice cushion of leave time built up.

Did you all go through the same thoughts and emotions prior to surgery??  Or are other 
preops going through the same now?

i go for surgery on wednesday... if the stress and fear doesnt kill me before then. lol im also scared stiff about failing yet another diet. scared of complications. scared of the irony of leaving my son an orphan when he is the reason i am doing this. scared of... argh!

i keep telling myself that this is the new beginning i have been praying for since i was a kid. so many diets failed because they left me hungry and with a pouch i wont have the same level of physical hunger. ive also come to face the fact that i have a food addiction and am seeking help for that. ive also made some serious changes to my "normal" diet. ive also learned to be more active. all of these things are tools that i feel will add up to my ultimate success but missing any tool will spell failure.

i am glad you are analysing what made you fat in the first place and believe it is a critical first step in all of this. as a food addict, no surgery or diet is gonna do a thing for me until i face that demon first. i can get the smallest pouch ever done but if i keep stuffing my face then it will stretch out to what i have now.

i would suggest hitting a dozen or so OA meetings. if things there fit with you then keep going. if not then maybe you will have picked up a snippet of something that will also help.

congrats on getting your approval and good luck with your surgery! *hugs*

Thanks Didi.  I did attend an OA group meeting once, but came to the realization that I didn't have the same issues that many of the members in the OA group did.  I felt really out of place.  Maybe it was the group.  But I wanna make darn sure I don't sabotage myself, so maybe I should try one again.  It's funny that we all know what we should and shouldn't eat, but for whatever reason we all didn't eat they way were supposed to which allowed us to gain the weight.  It's hard to break old habits, but I am confident I will be successful, but I want to remove every obstacle to allow me to be the most successful I can be.  I owe it to myself!  I am just hoping that surgery gives me that extra kick to never look back at my old habits!
 
good luck with your surgery!

i know in my area there are many oa meetings offered at different locations, i plan to attend like 5 or so and get the feel of which one i feel most comfortable at.

Have you tried counseling? I was in counseling for 3 years before I had my surgery. It wasn't that I was a food addict, I was eating my feelings.

It could be possible that the reason you didn't fit in was because that is not your issue. I would recommend getting a good counselor to help you uncover what the real issue is so that you can conquer it!

Congratulations on your approval!

I think it is completely normal.  And realizing that the surgery is only a tool and does nothing to correct any head issues is a great understanding to have up front.  As many times as a read that it was only a tool, I don't think I truly appreciated it until after surgery.  I am still pretty new post-op and have been successful thus far, but still feel this way from time to time.  It is hard to phathom I can be "normal". I often find myself wandering what my "mormal" will be, since I have no benchmark for comparison, being overweight my whole life.  I think that if you follow the guidelines you can't help but be successful.  Knowing that you have taken such drastic measures is also helpful motivation.  I think you are going into this with a great mindset, and as long as you do the work you will do great.  Please keep us posted about a surgery date.  I will scoot over and make room on the loser's bench for you.

I am afraid of the same thing. My surgery was June 10th -09. I have to face that fear every day. It doesnt help that people around me say to me often ( I hope you dont gain the weight back ). So do .

Fear is perfectly normal.  I have a fear of regaining weight everyday (and I just blogged about this very topic).  I've lost 204 pounds and am currently 5 pounds below my goal weight.  I know I still have food issues and always will.  But I plan to keep them in check by continuing to eat right and exercise.  I am also going to become a personal trainer to help keep myself in check.

Don't let fear control you.  Just do what you need to do, instead of making excuses, and you will be successful!!

Laura

Thanks everyone for all your comments!!  It really helps to know that my thinking is not so abnormal afterall.  :)  Just because I failed other "diets" doesn't mean I will fail this change of life.  We have to remember that we are changing our life not going on a diet.  The past year I feel I have taken control over my life more than ever.  This is the first new year's that I actually didn't gain weight from the previous, I actually lost a little weight.   I know that isn't much, but it huge because for the first time in my life I can sort of maintain my weight, and it shows that my changes are happening, and maybe I am not sabotaging myself as much as I think I do.  I have made changes, there are times I fell, but the difference is this year I got back up, I didn't let my mistakes continue to spiral me downwards, I just dusted myself off and got back up again.  But I know I have many more changes I need to make, I will use the next 3 months making those changes, so when I have surgery, I will have a jump start hopefully and be in the right frame of mind to make every use of my new tool.

Still scared, but I think that fear I can channel into motivation to keep myself in check and do what I need to do.  I also need to learn to a healthy outlet because food is not a healthy.  Excercise would be a good outlet, but I see much cleaning in my future too.  :)

I could have written this post just a little over two months ago :)  Everything you're saying strikes me as extremely normal.  I too have more fear about failing my tool than I did fear about the actual procedure.  I had a lot of nervousness, but not much in terms of fear. 

I'm a baby... only two months out, so take what I say with a grain of salt.  But what I've found is that as a result of the surgery, it's giving me the much needed time I need to change my relationship with food.  I would definitely describe myself as a food addict.  I used food for every single positive and negative emotion you can imagine.  I ate in very large volumes and got up to 380 lbs (today I'm 308).  Since surgery, I've followed the guidelines to a T and feel great.  Emotionally I still struggle a bit... wanting to eat larger volumes of food or wanting foods that I've come to learn I can't eat in moderation, and therefor should not have (bread, pasta).  But now instead of burying those feelings in a large plates of mac 'n cheese, or a Big Mac, I'm acknowledging whatever is going on and finding healthier ways to deal with it.  It's not always a fun process, but it's the work I have to do if I'm going to keep the weight off. 

I have a daughter and my reasons for doing this were deeply rooted in wanting to have a long life and create tons of memories with my daughter.  I'm a single parent and one day it hit me that if I died before she got married, she wouldn't have a parent to walk her down the aisle.  That was a harsh reality to face, but it drove home the importance of having the surgery once and for all (I had contemplated it for nearly ten years).

I don't know if other postops feel like this, but to me the last 6 months of '09 were a blur.  All of the medical tests and appointments, getting counseling, getting approved by insurance, pre-op diet, surgery, physical recovery, etc.  Sometimes I wonder, "Did it even happen?"

I had myself CONVINCED I would have complications postop.  I see so many folks post about problems they're having and I thought I wouldn't be able to escape without them.  Well, so far I'm doing great.  No vomiting, nothing stuck, etc.  And since I've mentioned this to people, I've met and heard from a lot of folks that had similar, non problematic journeys.  So just keep that in mind if you fear complications at all.  

Best wishes,
Michelle