How would you respond to this statement.
I don't think your friend meant it the way it came out. Emailing about these types of things can often misconstrue the actually feeling/thought behind the words. Also, email allows us only to rely on what we see in black and white.
Perhaps she meant she is too scared to have it done and she would like to try it on her own first. Before I had this surgery done, I had been thinking about it for 10 years!!!! The thought of going under and possibly not waking up, being a single mom scared me to death, and i kept trying to take off the weight and well...we all know how that works out.
I think you should speak to her also, not email and see what she actually meant. its frustrating to be in our situation and then too scared to take a drastic step to find a way out. I'm sure we all have had to deal with our doubts and fears before we actually decided this was the way to go to have a better life. She might just not be there quite yet.
A friend of 30+ years, you both must have seen each other through quite a bit. This is such a difficult struggle, its not the time to let your friend down. You're on your way to a better life and she's still trying to find a way to get there. Be supportive of her, she needs it!
Good luck to you both
Perhaps she meant she is too scared to have it done and she would like to try it on her own first. Before I had this surgery done, I had been thinking about it for 10 years!!!! The thought of going under and possibly not waking up, being a single mom scared me to death, and i kept trying to take off the weight and well...we all know how that works out.
I think you should speak to her also, not email and see what she actually meant. its frustrating to be in our situation and then too scared to take a drastic step to find a way out. I'm sure we all have had to deal with our doubts and fears before we actually decided this was the way to go to have a better life. She might just not be there quite yet.
A friend of 30+ years, you both must have seen each other through quite a bit. This is such a difficult struggle, its not the time to let your friend down. You're on your way to a better life and she's still trying to find a way to get there. Be supportive of her, she needs it!
Good luck to you both
Linda, I'm glad you used us to express your outrage. We get it and we have our own set of folks who are less than supportive. People have various reactions to WLS, depending on who they know. I'm with the others, though, give her a chance to explain how she feels and you can tell her how you feel. Wait until you are less mad.
30 yr friendships are too valuable to lose over a few words and things are easily misunderstood via e-mail. Hang in there with her and prove to her how valuable the surgery can be.
Irritating, though, isn't it??
30 yr friendships are too valuable to lose over a few words and things are easily misunderstood via e-mail. Hang in there with her and prove to her how valuable the surgery can be.
Irritating, though, isn't it??
Food is for sissies. REAL women exist on skim milk, protein powder, broth and air..... 
Linda-
I can totally understand your dismay with your friend. I think I would ask her to clarify "correct" and I would clarify for her that Gastric Bypass is just a tool that you have decided to use and that you understand that it is not for everyone just like running or yoga are not for everyone. You have evaluated and decided to use the tools that would help you be sucessful and it is up to her to decide what tools are appropriate for her in her journey should she decide to loose weight. Let her know that you are there to support her in what decsions she makes for herself without judgement just as you are sure that she is supporting you without judgement in the decsions you have made for yourself.
Hope this helps and hang in there.
Cynthia
I can totally understand your dismay with your friend. I think I would ask her to clarify "correct" and I would clarify for her that Gastric Bypass is just a tool that you have decided to use and that you understand that it is not for everyone just like running or yoga are not for everyone. You have evaluated and decided to use the tools that would help you be sucessful and it is up to her to decide what tools are appropriate for her in her journey should she decide to loose weight. Let her know that you are there to support her in what decsions she makes for herself without judgement just as you are sure that she is supporting you without judgement in the decsions you have made for yourself.
Hope this helps and hang in there.
Cynthia
Thank you everyone for your comments. I've emailed my friend back and asked her what she meant by that comment, but haven't heard back yet. I'm probably blowing it out of proportion and too sensitive on the subject since I know she doesn't really approve of WLS.
You all gave some good advice. Thanks again and I'll keep ya posted.
Linda
You all gave some good advice. Thanks again and I'll keep ya posted.
Linda
Surgery day weight: 344
When I was in a college a friend of mine had WLS. I was bigger than her and maybe a little jealous and believed surgery was an unnecessary and ridiculous risk. I never expressed that, but I think she knew. She said something to me that shut me up and made me think.
She said "It's a really personal decision. Everyone has to decide what works best for them. This was the personal decision I made for myself. And I'm happy that I made it. You may choose something else on your journey. And that's fine. It's all very personal."
She said "It's a really personal decision. Everyone has to decide what works best for them. This was the personal decision I made for myself. And I'm happy that I made it. You may choose something else on your journey. And that's fine. It's all very personal."
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