How would you respond to this statement.

My friend of 30+ years says to me in an email that she's not to the point I was to have WLS and she would rather try losing weight "the correct way."   This has me very irritated.  How do I respond to that?  Is she thinking I took the easy way out? Because I have news for her if so. 

This friend weighs as much as I did preop, I think. She's my age.  She works in a hospital, medical records dept, and the only WLS people she sees are the ones who come in for complications.  Her hospital doesn't even perform the surgeries.  So she doesn't see all the people who have done great with WLS.  Though she does have two co-workers who have had it done. One of whom has regained a lot of weight back and the other just getting to the point of being able to eat without problems. 

I'm going for a walk now to mull this over.  I will be back later.

Thanks!

Linda


edited to fix my errors.

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

Ignore her.

You are doing what is right for you.

Where will both of you be in 5 years?

Odds on, you will be healthier than you are now.

Where will she be?

Very true, Patty.  Thanks!  It's still bugging me though.

Linda

Don't let anyone get you down. I think she is just jealous. Sometimes with friends that you've had for that long just don't care about how they say things to you. I know


Patsy

I think first you need to ask her what she meant by "correct", maybe she just used a poor choice of words.  Then let her know it bothered you.  Ya'll have been friends for 30+ years...so she'll understand.  Direct her to this website, let her read the 1000's of success stories. 
I gotta tell ya, before I decided on surgery, I thought the same way.  I thought surgery was the easy way out.  You only opted for surgery when you didnt have the will power to do it the "right" way.  Not being able to lose weight was a failure.  But I tell you now..I was sooooo wrong.  There is nothing easy about this.  And I know that morbib obese people CANNOT lose weight on thier own.  My primary care doc and my surgeon told me that its been proven that people my size cannot lose weight and keep it off for any length of time successfully. 
She's big, she sees you losing weight, and she's scared. Cut her some slack and just talk to her.
April

Maybe she meant to say old fashioned way.  True statement.  Or natural way.  Is there a natural way to starve ourselves?  Call her, don't e-mail, and tell her that her statement rubbed you the wrong way.  Give her a chnace to back peddle.  Don't let her lack of understanding put a wedge between you.  I always wanted people to understand and then I realized they can't understand my experience because I own it.  Good luck.  Loris

Ask her how that's going for her....

You could always point out the facts too. I believe it was somewhere around 4-5% of people that are successful losing this much weight without WLS. It's an incredibly low number. It's not that any of us wanted "the easy way out," we just wanted a way out period. It's very difficult, bordering on impossible to lose 150+ pounds when you get as big as we are. The WLS certainly helps but doesn't make it a breeze.

People don't get it that WLS is a tool, not a character flaw.  Even I struggle with that mindset. Why else have I still not moved ahead with the steps for surgery.

Some people just don't get it. For people like us that have not been able to lose weight on our own, we would never be able to get to a healthy weight with out surgery.

She is in denial and that is something that you may not be able to help her through. Ignore the hurtful comments, she is trying to cover up her own worries and insecurities.

Guess what?  I felt the same way she did for years.  You are only ready when YOU are ready.  I agree with others that you should ask her to clarify.  Once the decision is made, just move ahead with your life.  She may be a bit envious, or still hoping she can do it with out surgery.  Be merciful.  A long-term friendship must have developed because she was a good friend.  Cut her (and yourself!) some slack.