So a shame of my self.

   I am so a shame of my self. 
   Last week I had reality kick me in the face.  I always been fat an it bother me and caused me a lot of pain growing a very heavy person.  But, I excepted a long time ago.   That is what I was always going to be  Fat Forever.  My hold family was fat growing up.  I tried a million times to lose weight.  I even lost ninty pounds on one time just gain it back and more. 
   I am 39 years old. I know my life is half over with.  A year ago.   I started seeing  doctor about weight lose surgery. My weight of record was 385 pounds.  But, I weigh about 395 before I went to the doctor.   I was the end the line no more clothes fit.  I maxed out Catherines.  They were no more sizes to go up.
      I been slowly trying to lose weight.  Since told me to lose 70 pounds before surgery.  I thought he was crazy.  So for the last six 5 months all I have lost was 16 pounds less than 3 pounds a month.  Some months even gained weigh back.  I was going nowhere. 
    Last Week I was babysitting  my nephews 5  month old twins boys.  They are most beautifull babies in the world.  I really mean it.   
     They have finally out grown small Moses baskets.  So We decided to more then up stairs.  To their bedroom with their new cribs.
      My nephew  who a wonderful person.  Asked me very sweetly and quitely ,"Not to be carrying the babies up the stair because it could be dangerous". 
        To let him or his wife or my sister do it.   He did not want me to fall with the babies. That made since .  But, It did Hurt me deeply.   I just said to myself I have never fallen before .  I been down those stairs many times.  But, I kept my mouth shut.   Because the decision had been may for me.  
     So the next morning my sister ask if,   I was coming down with one of the babies.  I told she was going to have to come get the other one.    Because,  Joe nicely ask not to carry the babies down the stairs.  So she came and got him. 
I went down the stairs a head of her only to fall on the fourth step flat on my face. Head first.   It I had been carrying a baby I would probably crushed it with my weight.  I was alright.  
 
    Just in shock about falling.  My sister looked at me.  With a crazy look in her eye.  We never told my Nephew that I fall.    
    That is all I have been able to think about is that.   I could have killed one of the baby,s because of my weight.  I have never in my life been more ashame of my self for letting myself get this heavy.  To think my weight  and belance are so off the nomal.  That a way I could be danger. To the people I love the most in the world.

   So work out every day this week and have lost 9 pounds in a week.   I lost a total of 27 pounds.
    I have been more serious about losing weight in my life and having the surgery.   I need to do this for my self.   All I could think about all week was where had my pride gone.  That could care so little about myself.

    Sometime I think it all got suck up.  Through all the cruel and evil highschool joke.  The cruel people you meet everytime you go out.
      I think after awhile you just give up think nothing can ever change.
  I leaned this week .  Things can change you just have to change them.

Doris, what a traumatic thing to have happen, but you are doing the right thing: you are refusing to continue down the path that leads to NOT moving at all and you are getting enough weight off to get surgery. You just have to believe that God was watching out for the babies so that they were not hurt. My theology is messed up because sometimes terrible things DO happen to innocent babies, but I'm grateful that it did not this time. Don't get down on yourself about this. You did a good thing by honoring your nephew's wishes. Your heart was in the right place.

It's a wake up call for you; very dramatic and awful, but it all turned out OK. Take the lesson from it and forget about the shame. We have all had embarrassing things happen to us because of our weight. You are NOT alone in this. Thanks for sharing this story with us because it helps us know how seriously we need to take our weight loss.

I lose more weight when I am not depressed and defeated. We have to believe that we can get the answers and help that we need and that we will have the strength to follow the program.

Enjoy those sweet babies. I'm hoping for grandkids some day. All I have to love on now is Henry the biting chihuahua. He's a crazy dog that my daughter rescued in grad school and now I have him. Oh well, it's something to kiss on the head......

Doris

I am so sorry that happened to you but you have nothing to be ashamed of.. We all aare in the same boat.. we all are off balance and have fallen at one time or another.. I Thank God you were not seriously hurt and also that you did honor your nephews wishes..

This was a great wake up call for you though.. You are now on the right track and maybe that will keep you motivated to keep moving and loosing and to go for the surgery.. It is not fair that we have difficulties doing the regular things other people do but your nephew was not trying to hurt you he was only looking out for the babies.. It sounds like he was very diplomatic in how he asked you.. He surely was not trying to hurt you..

The incident was very unfortunate for you but it made you realize that the surgery is so important.. that is something good that came out of it.

Now you keep moving and loosing.. keep us informed here how you are doing.. I will support you in any way I can and I am sure the others here will too.. You are on your way to making a great change in your life.. Congratulations..

You love those babies and enjoy them.. They grow up so fast.. Sounds like you really love them and that is a great thing to give them..

Doris,

Congratulations on losing the 9 pounds!!! That's awesome and proof to yourself that you can do it again. We have all been in that boat at some time or another. Some of us like me are still there struggling so just know you are not alone. Congratulations on your beautiful great nephews also!  Kepp plugging along and lean on us when you need some support. Your going to make it down this road we're traveling.

I'm going to focus on the positive and say congrats on losing the weight you have so far. We all know how difficult it was to lose weight before surgery. That's why we had it! Just keep doing what you're doing and you'll be there in no time. I know it seems like you're still far away but just keep thinking about the positives.

Once you've had the surgery and this is just a memory, you'll be able to spend lots of time with those kids. And you'll feel good enough to do it.

hi, i really feel for you...but please don't be so hard on yourself...  i don't know if this would help, but on fathers day, with me and my kids and inlaws (i have 11 month old twins) i was in a Mexican restraint in Texas, and thank GOD i only had the twins diaper bag and chair cushions,

because i ATE IT, i mean with 200 people watching, i slipped on that damn tile floor, and big man go down HARD, if i would have hit a chair i could have been knocked out.

AND, i freaking had to get help from strangers to get up, my poor wife was crying.......people were yelling call 911....and all i could think of were my boys and i could have crushed them.

i felt bad....but then i GOT ticked off, and have been on my liquid pre surgery diet for one whole week......and am hungry as hell, but I am going to TO THIS....

you will too!

cheers,

T

 First of all I want to focus on the fact that you are making a change for you and working to lose that weight!   That is a huge accomplishment.  We are all a product of our experiences and some unfortunately lead us to do bad things to ourselves while other seemingly devastating instances lead us to courageous acts and help us set our priorities into the proper order.  I am a firm believer that each experience we have has a reason and though it is terrible that you fell it seems it is leading you to a new, stronger conviction to bring your life into a place where you are in control.  Celebrate that fact, the fact that you are in control and put where you have been behind you.  The fact of the matter is that for one reason or another we on this board have all gotten to a place where we were not healthy HOWEVER, we are doing something about it today and that MATTERS!  
What has been done or where you have been matters in that it brought you to today.  Now you need to keep that motivation and live for today and what you want tomorrow to be.  Today is all we have, make the best of it and live the life you want. 

Sorry you had a rough experience, but you learned from it and are working to make the best changes for yourself and your life which will be great for your family in the long run.  Hang in and Keep up the awesome work you are doing to take charge of your future!  

Bless you and keep us updated on your progress.

Cynthia

My heart really reaches out to you. I am so sorry for what you've been through.

That said... 70 pounds? On your own? Before surgery? Seriously?

 I started out at 439. It was suggested I lose 10 pounds or so before surgery. I lost 20. But it wasn't required.

Have you looked at other surgeons? If you could lose 70 pounds on your own you wouldn't need WLS.That's just my opinion. I wasn't required to do any of these crazy senseless things that seem like punishment... no 4 week liquid diets or losing most of the weight on my own before. There are surgeons that don't require so many crazy hoops.

If you stick with the surgeon that told you to lose 70 pounds on your own... then you are on your way. Great job on the 9 pounds.

CONGRATULATIONS SOMETIMES  WHAT  THE DEVIL MEANT FOR BAD COMES OUT GOOD  YOU LOST 9 LBS ON YOUR  ON  I COMMEND  YOU  I WOULD  NOT HAVE LOST  THE WEI GT  ON A 6MONTH  DIET  OR  ANY OF THE OTHER CONDITIONS I READ ON THIS BOARD I HAD TO BE ON A LIQUID DIET FOR 1 DAY TAKE  A   CLEANSING  BOWEL PREP TAKE MY B-P MELDS   TRY  UT MB @  GALVESTON  DR GOMEZ  409- 772-1011 ITS A  MEDICARE  AND MEDICAIDS  HOSPITAL  AND A CENTER  OF EXCELLENT    I CAN  EXACTLY   EXPLAIN   THE  CENTER OF  EXCELLENT  BUT THE REQUIREMENTS ARE STRICT THERE ARE NO REQUIREMENT FOR WEIGHT  LOSS BEFORE SURGE   BUT YOU WILL SEE A  PSYCHICS BEFORE  THEY  APPROVAL YOU   I LEARNED  NEVER  TO GI VE  THE SO CALL SHAME  THE DEVIL TRY  TO GIVE US THE CREDIT BY HIDING WITH  EATING  AND DEPRESSION  BUT TO SHARE  WITH THIS BOARD  WHAT HAPPENED  BECAUSE  SOMEONE  ON THE BOARD HAS OUR  ANSWER HURRAY HURRAYS FOR YOU YOU NEVER  HAVE TO GAIN THAT BACK  WITH  THE HELP OF PEOPLE  ON  THIS BOARD

Doris, not all surgeons will require you to lose weight prior to surgery. I would look into a different surgery. I'm so sorry for your hurt feelings. I know exactly how it feels to feel so ashamed you can't even look anyone in the eyes. Sending lots of hugs your way. I wish you the very best.