Feel like a failure

I had the DS, or the GOD of WLS, or whatever. I've lost 140 pounds and I can't seem to loose anymore. I know it's my fault, i eat whatever i want, I have no restraint with myself, which is why i choose the DS, because i know this about myself. I know i have no ablitity to stop eating. So, while on the good hand, i don't gain any weight, I'm not loosing any eaither. And i go to the DS board and i look around, and i get depressed because everyone there is like a size 4 and i'm only down to a size 18. And true, they all worked reallly hard for it, what with eating little to no carbs. And i've tried so hard to do that, but i just can't seem to do it. I don't know what's wrong with me.  I mean , i know i'm not working my tool, i just don't know why i can't do it. I have no will power, how does one get that back? did i ever have will power? I don't know, i shouldn't even bring it up, because there is nothing anyone can really say to make me have more will power. I don't want to go to a shrink again, there are no group meetings for the DS.

My husband finds me sexy, I'm so much more healthy and active, but i'm still not happy with my results. Why do i suck so much? At the begining i really thought i might get down to a size 8. But I don't see that happening anymore.

Ok, enough of a pitty party. back to work!

 First of all congrats on ur success thus far an ur not regaining... u already know what u need to do.. even tho u may not want to u know... u need to talk to someone who can help u with ur issues with food.. ur sabatoging urself..  if u dont stop eventaully u will regain an im sure thats the last thing u want... i had RNY an thankfully its working for me.. not only does it give me protion control but also wont let me eat things i really shouldnt or at least not to much of them when i have tried. 95% of the time i follow nut. food plan to the letter... but there are just somethings that that plan was designed for that i have figured that dont fit me.. having so much more weight to lose then  the ppl the plan was designed for.. Do what u need to do to become the most healthy person u can be... u know eating things u shouldnt wont get u to a size 8 u also know that not excercising puts u at risk for other health risks... so get off ur butt, dont buy food u shouldnt and enjoy ur body an treat it with respect.... easier said then done yes... but i know u needed to hear it.. i get the same way at times... hugs... u CAN do this!!!

Hmmm, I'm pre op so what do I know, but from here it looks like you have been a success. Maybe you aren't as thin as you wanted, but you can buy regular size clothes, you are much more healthy and active, your husband thinks you are sexy. The only problem seems to be that you thought you would get thinner. I'd stick where you are for a while and ENJOY it. Get some new clothes. Have fun. Later on, you can drop some of the dietary carbs and lose MORE weight if you want. If you don't, then enjoy where you are now. You are HEALTHY. Go you!!

You are both right. And earlier I've decieded to go back to theropy, I think i need too.

Therapy is a great resource. From your post, you already logically know what to do to lose weight (as most of us do), you have seen others achieve it, yet you do not want to say "No!" to your food cravings and impulses to turn to food in response to other feelings besides hunger, such as a need for comfort, reward, love, etc.

You have no belief in your abilities to do these things, at this point. This particular mindset is NOT a character flaw, Lady Minerva. This learned helplessness is actually very common in people with morbid obesity, as well as homeless or marginalized members of society.

The negative comments and beliefs of the larger population, including family and friends, becomes internalized in the affected individual so that they cannot imagine a world in which they assume control and push forward successfully to their goals. Cognitive behavioral therapy will help you to rewrite the script in your brain, re-route the negative and wrong-thinking channels in your mind so that you can embrace health and a belief in your ability to achieve anything you set your mind to.

I know where you are coming from. I also benefitted from therapy. For me, it was an inborn  stubbornness that kept me going AND made me say to my doubters (including the naysayer that lived inside my own head),"YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!!!" Only "I" am the boss of me. And "I" wanted to be a size 8, and "I" did it. But it took time, and falling off the horse, and getting back on again.

Remember these wise words: Fall down 7 times, Stand up 8! Good luck, Lady Minerva! We're behind you!

You arent a failure you have done wonderful sweetie.

But i do know how you feel i am at a stand still with my weight loss and i started writing things in a journal and realized i am not getting enough ,water and protein.

Hang in there sweetie

The surgery helps us lose the burden our bodies carry. Therapy seems vital to putting down other baggage so we have a resource other than food for coping with what life brings us.

ETA: You can get good help places other than a shrink. The best help I ever got was from a counselor who didn't Rx meds. In addition to individual talks, I participated in a women's group/class she offered about body image. There were all shapes and sizes, even an anorexic, all thinking their bodies weren't good enough.

I sure wish she was still here to talk to about THIS journey, but I know I'll find someone. You will too.

Journaling... has always helped me when I feel like I'm going off the beaten path. Journal very accurately what, how much, when, why and how you feel before putting into your mouth. It helps hold you accountable and let's you really think about things to help you correct them.

Oh I hope you do go to therapy again! Before I decided to have my surgery...or even to get to the place where i felt i could have the surgery i went to therapy. I started in 2006 and just had the surgery at the end of last year. It helped me so much!!! I think therapy is a very important part of the wls journey. We need to learn new ways to cope since we can no longer eat our feelings. If you don't find a new way you're going to sabotage yourself in different ways.

You have done great so far...and are very close to your goal. You wouldn't run a race and stop right before the finish line...you deserve better than that!!!! do what you need to do to make your life better for yourself. I really like that fall down 7 times and get up 8, number 8 is waiting for you...come on...get up...you can do it!!!!

It sounds like you need a support system, be it a local group or just using us here as a tool more. A psychologist can help you as well! Mine has helped me soo much.

I think you are doing great. You have come across a road block and you just need to find the right way to jump over it. Keep in mind that every day is a new chance to change. :)

-Crystal