Newbie to this board - identity crisis

Hi all,

I'm so glad I discovered this board!  I think I visited in April or May, but things were pretty quiet here....happy to see that it's picking up.

I have a question for you all - I started this journey at 330lbs. As everyone here can relate to, the weight made me very sedentary, reclusive, and generally unhappy. 

So far I've lost 70lbs and while I wish the weight would come off a little faster, I'm pretty happy with the results. My question is this:  how do you figure out who you are and what you like to do after WLS?  Really. 

I love to read, love computers - but I'm not sure if that's simply because I couldn't do anything else that required physical activity OR if that's really all I enjoy.  I know it sounds strange, but that's how I've been feeling this past month or so.

I have new physical capabilities (able to walk longer distances, more energetic, can cross my legs), but I don't have much of an outlet for this increasted mobility.  Sure, I walk on the treadmill, but what else???  

I feel like I should already know what I enjoyed doing when I was slimmer and go back to those things, but I haven't been slim for over 30 years!  Now that there are more things I CAN do, how do I figure out what I WANT to do???

Looking into classes at the local college; interior design, calligraphy, photography.....it makes my head spin! 

How do I figure out who I am????

SW 330
CW 260
GW 135

The only way to figure out what you like to do is to start trying all different kinds of new things. That includes new clothes, new make-up, activities, classes, people, friends, etc. If you're bored with walking, try jogging for 30 seconds on the treadmill, walking for 5 minutes, jogging for 30 seconds...off and on for 30 minutes. It shakes things up, increases your calorie burn, and helps your heart even more than walking.

Lots of people begin to have this kind of identity crisis when they lose weight or have some other huge life event happen. Give yourself time to learn what you enjoy and enjoy being yourself. Have a terrific weight loss journey, Tara!

Thank you for the advice.  I printed out some information on the C25K challenge - it's supposed to get you up off the couch and running for about 30 minutes in 9 wks. 

I'm just thinking about the future - it seems my husband and I had a common interest in food and overeating! Now that I can't do that anymore, I'm looking for ways we can spend time together. I think we are both kind of bored at this point.  We've been married for 25 years and he's not one for a lot of chat.  He is slightly overweight, but he also had some nerve damage to his legs that has left him with permanent weakness and spasticity.  We weren't a very physically active couple!

I'm looking into this now because I am seeing a potential problem in the future if I don't develop some new interests.

Tara, have you checked out a local community college.  I went back to school in 2002 in my late 30's because I had an injury and could no longer work in retail as i had all my life because of my leg problems.  The school I choose had a career planning and placement office and they gave workshops for people in the community thinking about attending the school, but did not know what they wanted to do.  They did a bunch of apptitude tests and then they scored them and it basically plugged you into what career catagories your abilities and interests put you in.  I am now a full time medical transcriptionist and before that I had never even heard of one and I love it.  I would think all community colleges probably have something similiar because the schools are there for the communities they serve. 

Also another thing is volunteering.  In my town, people volunteer in our town's hospital, in the library, a lot of different areas.  I have done a literacy program at my library where you commit to so many weeks and help someone learn English as their second language.  I love teaching people things and i found that fun, but you have to make a commitment to so many weeks so I am not currently doing it because I am trying to get my surgery happening soon.  They changed the date once already and then I need some recovery time.  But, this way you can try a lot of different things. 

Also recreational, the Barnes and NOble near me has lots of activities.  Sometimes they run game events, like Scrabble once a week for 10 weeks or like that.  They have a Starbucks in the bookstore and they have local muscians in the coffee shop and you just hang out listen talk to people.  There are plenty of ways to get involved. 

Thank you Donna!  Today I called my local community college and signed up for a class called "Basics of Interior Design" - it starts tonight.
I plan to stop by Barnes and Noble to pick up their calendar of events (my local store didn't have a lot of information on their website).
The library volunteer sounds like a good idea - I wanted to be a librarian when I was in high school, but unfortunately I grew up in the "nurse or teacher" generation - I'm a nurse.
I really like the idea of volunteering. I love to teach. I'll let you know how it goes.

Hi Tara,

Welcome to the Board!

I'm going through some of the same stuff.

It's getting awkward with my husband.

I've developed an intense interest in gardening. Maybe my new addiction to replace the food? 

My poor hubbie gets dragged into it because I launch off on projects I can't do all by myself. Yesterday he said I was overdoing it buying new plants (it's planting season here in the desert). Sigh.  I guess I'm going to have to hold off on the four trees I was thinking about.

I have no interest at all in his hobby. (I've tried, really, I have.)

We just celebrated our 5th anniversary and it was hard to find things to talk about at dinner.

Sometimes I'll just ask him a question about his hobby and let him run his mouth.

From a food standpoint, he's just overweight and our eating ideas are completely at odds. He's Asian and that's all about lots of veggies, rice and protein as a condiment.

We used to talk about food too much -- he even complained about that. Now the limited food conversation just relates to what can we eat that won't get me sick.

My WLS limits where we can go out to eat -- including some of his favorite restaurants. (You just can't get WLS-friendly food at a Japanese spaghetti restaurant.)

And although it's TMI -- it's getting wierd in the bedroom.

I also have a 3-year-old and my 76-year-old mother lives with us.

I've spent so much time taking care of them, that now that the 3-year-old is no longer a baby and my  mom's health has improved, I'm sort of at a loss with what to do with myself.

Before I was a wife and a mother, I used to read and do things on the computer, but I can't get excited about those anymore.

I can't really offer any advice, other than to tell you that you're not alone.

(HUGS!!)

Patti

I agree.  It's a struggle for many of us.  I've tried a lot of new things in the past year.  It's funny, but some of the things I "think" I want to do, I don't stick with long term.  I guess it's all about experimenting.  I do know I'm leaving for line dancing lessons at the American Legion in about 10 minutes.  It's only $2.00/class and at 45, I'm one of the younger ones there, but it gets me moving and working up a little sweat.  Rocking aerobics on Wednesday at the church (free!) and that really busts my butt.  I've slacked off on the treadmill lately, but will probably get back on now that the weather is cooler.  I like the volunteer suggestion.  That is something you and hubby could do together as well.

I'm so glad you asked this question.  I am new to this board and will be having surgery in 30 days.  I've been thinking about this as well.  I'm really looking forward to all the new opportunities I hope I'll have, but I don't even know where to start.  I'm starting at about 330 lb. also.  How long does it take to get to a point where you actually feel like doing something more physical than housework? 

This is a very interesting discussion. I'm glad you brought this up. It encourages me to hear of people who have the increased energy and ability to move around. I'm pretty sure you'll find some passions if you keep trying stuff.

We have good adult ed classes and I took knife skills so I could cook better. It was pretty physically taxing, especially since it was in the evening after a day of work. I think it might be really interesting to take our interest in food and turn it into an interest in HEALTHY food. I saw a vegetarian cooking demo that was fascinating. It was stuff you can do with tofu. I'd like to do more with veggies.

I'm learning to make my own salad dressings and learning how to cook fish and boneless chicken breasts. Spices are interesting to experiment with.

Parks and Rec does classes and I love chair yoga. The dancing classes sound fun.

I think it's good to have a hobby you can do at home. It gives you stuff to do in your free time and usually comes with a guild or a club so that new friends are added. It also usually produces a product that you can give away as gifts.  I do quilting and also rubberstamping  and scrapbooking.

Sounds like you have some leads, just do the next thing and see what happens. It's very cool.

Hi Tara

           I know that's whats going to happen to me. I am pre op 10\21\09. I can hardly move around now i am 343 lb.. Knees are bad so i can't walk anywhere. Mostly been house bound sitting in front of tv not wanting to go anywhere or do anything. Hopefully when i lose weight I'll  be able to move around better. have been heavy all my life . Hope to start a new life with a new body and new outlook. I am ready and willing to strart over.


Patsy