Depression/No energy/Struggling

I am usually a very happy and uplifting person (very funny) but for some reason everytime I think about my weight I get so so so so depressed. I have been in recovery for over 2 years now (not for obesity) and have gained all of my weight back plus some, my BMI is currently 53. I am killing myself slowly WTF I dont want to die. My mother had the lapband done over 3 years ago she lost 149 pounds total and has kept it off. I really really want to have this surgery but if it envolves me sueing my job well that is out of the question (we are a small hospital) I love the people my boss etc. I dont want to die though. I am having to take meds just to pull fluid from my body. My knees and legs and body hurt so bad sometimes, I dont ever have energy, and i realize this is a vicious circle. I have Anthem Blue/Cross Blue/Shield insurance but I dont believe that my employer supports bariactric surgery from some bad experience in the past with two of there employees, I have even been told "well why dont you just stop putting the food in your mouth" How depressing right. I want to change I am 30 and I say in my life time I have lost over 550lbs of course gained it all back. I am 5'10" and weigh 366.6lbs I have three beautiful kids whom i so long to play with run with and ride bikes with. please help me in finding the right way to go about this. Went to the Dr yesterday got a number for a bariactric surgeon but what do I do from after I go to the siminar? I need help

Go to the siminar..listen, and make an appointment.  The Dr. and the office staff will help you with everything  If your ins. excludes WLS, it will be difficult, but not impossible.  Most Dr's that specialize in WLS have a person working for them that does nothing but appeal to ins. company's to get the surgery approved.
You deserve your life with your children...go get it.  Do what it takes.
I've been where you are..depressed.  It only leads to more eating, which leads to more weight..and on and on and on...Your right, its a vicious circle, but you can break it.
Please keep up informed, we all care here..
April

First, I will start by saying welcome to the forum and I am 5'10" and started at 491, still preop and down to 439.  It can be done.  The first thing I would do is check with your insurance company and see if they cover the WLS.  If your policy covers WLS, it does not matter whether your "employer" believes in the surgery or not.  It is none of their business.  You say you work for a "small hospital" and someone their told you "well why dont you just stop putting the food in your mouth" !  Unbelieveable that someone working in a hospital would say such a thing!  Would they tell a crack addict to "just put down the pipe"!  Ignorant and uninformed about obesity apparently!  Too bad they have not learned to "just keep their mouth shut"  when they dont know anything about what they are talking about.  Also, if your insurance covers weight loss, even if your employer does not believe in it, and even if this is a hospital, guess what, under HIPAA,  they can not ask you what surgery your are having and you dont have to tell them.  At my work I just put in for my 2 weeks, I have been saving my PTO (paid time off), and I just stated I am planning a surgery.  End of sentence.  I work for the healtchare industry and they absoulutely know it is illegal to ask me what surgery I am having.  You dont owe anybody an explaination.  I would suggest if that is the kind of support you can expect from this group you work for, you stop talking about these personal issues with your coworker and keep your personal and work lives more separate JMHO. 

As far as the workings of all this, places are different, but this is my experience, I called the # my doc gave me.  The program directs you to the new patient line where I gave my name and address so that the program application would be mailed to me and I was told that they have a monthly information seminar and I was required to go.  I filled out the application (rather lengthly document, be prepared to state past weight loss attempts and how you did in detail, and many other such intrusive weight related history).  When I went to the seminar I handed in my application that night and got all the details for the program and what would be required of me.  Within a week of handed in application, I got a call for my first initial intake appointment.  From there, you get more appointments as required by the program (probably see psych, exercise physiologist, nutritionist, medical doc, and I also was required to do a 4 week behavioral modification class run by the physcologist).  It is pretty easy, just be honest and do what they say and you will have success. 

Hope this helps. 

Donna is right, Jennybear. Don't listen to that jerk who put you down! Compulsive over-eating is a complex psychological issue and if shame and put-downs were the solution we'd all be RAIL-THIN!! You are a terrific, amazing person and you want to be strong and healthy for yourself and your kids. You recognize that you are caught in an unhealthy cycle and you want to change your life. These are all positive steps that you should be proud of!

I have 3 boys, and one of the deciding factors for me was when my son came home crying because some of the kids at school tormented him for having a fat momma. I'd been contemplating WLS for years, but that clicked everything into place. I realized that I wanted to live and be around to love and nurture my family for as long as I could, and that I deserved health and well-being! Don't let anyone tell you that you don't deserve it, because you DO!

Did you say you work for a hospital?  Does the hospital itself do bariatric surgery?

Who at your employer is telling you to stop putting food in your mouth?  If it is your boss, he or she certainly has no right to make any value judgments at all.  Also, if you have a HR Department, your privacy in this issue has to be kept or it could be a HIPPA violation.  If they are a hospital, they have to know that employees are protected under HIPPA as well as patients.

I know exactly how you feel but I was 53 when I had my surgery.  I told 2 people at work because they work in my area and swore them to secrecy.  I told my boss only that I was having surgery and my HR Department was told the same thing.  My surgeon sent in my FMLA paperwork under his other practice name so that they would not know.  I do not work for a hospital but if anyone told me something like that, I would be in HR lodging a complaint.

I had several co-morbidities including severe edema which I have to take diuretics and potassium for (it has been since cut in half), back pain, knee pain, degenerative disc disease, and what I found out during my testing was that I have asthma and had severe sleep apnea.  I stopped breathing on average 67 times per hour.  The fatigue I was experiencing was no wonder-I was sleeping on average 2 hours a night.  I do not know how I would get through a day and there were times I would get to work and not remember how I did it.

Whether or not your employer personally supports WLS is irrelevant--is there an exclusion on the policy?  Make an appointment with the surgeon before going to the seminar which is what I did because they ran my insurance to see if there would be a problem.  If there is no exclusion and you go through the testing process and get approved, it is none of their business.  In my situation, it became obvious after awhile.

Best of luck to you.

Sylvia

Sylvia,

Thank you so much for replying to my post. I work at a 22 bed critical access hospital that is so small everyone knows everyone. so hippa is out of the question. also there is an exclusion on my policy i found out so it looks like i will be fat for the rest of my life unless i make some changes with diet and exercise. as far as sleep apnea goes i have been tested and it was ruled out so we do not know why i am swelling other than i am obese and my circulation is being cut off. i just get so sad when i think about it so i guess i will just ignore it for now. my employer said that they would maybe reconsider when our new hospital was built which will be finished in a few months. i also know this makes absolutely no sense but i love my boss and the facility i work for i would never dream of sueing them or writing anyone up. call me crazy but i just go with the flow.

Jennifer

I found after surgery I had an underlying level of anxiety that I had been soothing with food.  I now take Pristiq.  I tried Lexapro and Zoloft but they either made me hungry or nauseated.  I am really digging the Pristiq it really takes the edge off.  It's prescribed for depression.  Google it and see if it might work for you.  I also went through "food addiction rehab" or I should say am going through it.  I am in a 12 step program that meets once a month for a year.  I am half way through.  The real issue is figuring out why you eat which is usually tied to your childhood and switching your addiction.  For me my new addiction is school.  I am going to night school to finish my degree.  I see on the blogs for others it's eating as precisely and healthy as possible or starting a sport.  Good Luck!! and seek out therapy and drugs, I did!

Jamie
down 94 lbs one year out from RNY