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95lbs down... Am officially 299

Valerie C.
on 9/1/09 2:09 pm - Portland, OR
I'm... not as excited as I should be.

I should be ecstatic. but I'm sort of scared. I was between 329 and 300 for 12 years of my adult life. Then when I hit 30 I crept up to 350, then 394 at my recorded heaviest.

Every time I went on a diet for 12 years I'd do great until I hit below 300. Then I just wanted to eat and eat. Well, now I feel like I finally got back down to where I normally am. I don't feel smaller, I don't feel anything other than a sense of disappointment in myself for allowing myself to get so darn heavy after looking into lapband 5 years ago when 5 months of WW only took me from 314 to 303. I didn't get lapband as my insurance at the time wouldn't cover it. I have fought for 8 months to get where I was before. I feel like this is me. This girl in the size 26 jeans is me. I look in the mirror and see myself. Not a skinnier girl that lost 95lbs but the person I should be. If that makes sense.

now comes the big changes. I haven't been below 290lbs in 13 years. I feel like NOW i'm finally starting my journey. That the past 94lbs were like penalty time, or instead of getting a headstart I had to go to the back of the line.

I don't know if I'm making any sense. Has anyone else felt like your WL wasn't as sweet because we had so much to lose to start with?
  Heaviest=394   Surgery=365.9    Current=267.8   Goal=194  
                 
Sabrenia8888
on 9/1/09 2:47 pm - Orlando, FL
CONGRATS on twoterville! I feel the same way as you. I am not under 300 yet but I am surely focsuing on getting there but I have lost over 65lbs and it feels like I have not lost anything. I am still in denial and now that the weight loss has slowed down I feel really down and depressed. I hope things moved soon so I can get motivated again!!!
Ms. Exquisite
"Obstacles are what we see when we take our eyes off the goal"  
Waterwench
on 9/2/09 1:38 am - portland, OR
Sometimes the weight loss is a bittersweet journey. Don't focus on how far you had to go from the beginning, or on blaming yourself for weight you gained more recently, before the surgery. Or on worrying that you will fail as you have before when you have approached 300 pounds.That will get you nowhere, and lead you to denigrate your extraordinary accomplishments.

Never diminish the importance of what you have done and are continuing to do for your health. That way lies madness and low self-esteem!! I know. I have done it to myself. I've said,"Well, if you hadn't gained that last 50 pounds you would have gotten to your goal by now," or "Why couldn't you control yourself when you ate that junk? If you hadn't you'd have lost a couple more pounds by now!"

DON'T LISTEN to that voice in your head. It stems from years of having had people put us down, judge us for our weight and appearance alone, or shove food at us as a bandaid for the real issues in a relationship, whether it's with a parent, lover, or friend. Plus, think about it logically:

Even if you lay around doing nothing whatsoever, your body still requires a minimum of about 3,000 calories per day to sustain it at 300 lbs., let alone GAINING weight--which requires ingesting 3,500 calories per pound of fat, above and beyond the body's daily needs. Unless you are drinking pureed bacon with lard, pork crackling and pure cane sugar, you will never be able to eat that many calories, and the weight will continue to come off. It's just science.

It may take quite a long time before your mental image of yourself falls into step with the physical reality, also. I know that I didn't start to see myself as I really am until I had hit about 180 pounds. I'd occasionally catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and be surprised by what I saw--my face was so thin! My chins were diminishing! My eyes were coming out! WTH?

Now, I know that what I am seeing is the reality, and in spite of no boobies (48DD to 36B), sagging belly-skin and a super-jiggle in my thighs and butt, I also see that I look great in clothes, feel strong, and have underlying muscle in my arms, legs, and abdomen that I am continuing to develop through exercise.

All these are great things to celebrate, just as you should celebrate your continuing journey toward sustainable good health, lack of joint pain, reduced risk of diabetes, heart attack and stroke, and all the rest that taking charge of your weight is doing!
      
   "Fall down 7 times--STAND UP 8!"
              
Moj_ Patti
on 9/2/09 5:13 am - Where the Jackalopes Roam, CA
Congrats! It is a great feeling to peel off a hundred digit!

Don't get so centered on the scale. You need to look at how your life has changed and celebrate that. Big changes are yet to come!

For me, 95 pounds down, I have oodles more energy. I can do things all day long and not have to burrow into the couch when I get home to recover. I'm off my bp meds, my prediabetes has disappeared, my feet don't hurt as much as they used to. And I'm shrinking into all the smaller clothes I've had in my closet.

And there is so much extra room in my hubbies and mine queen size bed. I remember my rear hanging off the side when my 3-year-old would want to cuddle with us. Not a problem anymore!!

Shoes still frustrate the &(*% out of me. (I have edema in my left leg that only goes away occasionally -- so I can't really wear anything professional and cute to work.)

I may never get to 149 pounds, but I'm already enjoying my life a lot more than I was at 388.
One food makes you larger, and one food makes you small... 
Valerie C.
on 9/2/09 6:35 am - Portland, OR
Oh am I very grateful to have my OH family. Listening to you all makes my heart feel better. Today my perspective is a bit more... Accurate. Still taking my walks. I really walk as fast as I can now even at the office. I just keep telling myself, be grateful you can pu**** now, go go go. walking is so much easier now. I need to get some positive mantras about my overall journeytoo. They really do help. Thanks again for being here when I'm down. It's nice to know you understand.
  Heaviest=394   Surgery=365.9    Current=267.8   Goal=194  
                 
(deactivated member)
on 9/2/09 11:00 am - austin, TX
Wow, I've been feeling the EXACT same as you for the past few weeks.  I'm so glad you made this thread!!!  You're making sense to me.  I don't feel like I've accomplished a whole lot either because I'm still HUGE.


Bill I.
on 9/3/09 2:55 am - Ashton, IL
You're definitely not alone.  

It's like the head knows but the rest of me isn't listening.  I should be excited but it's not happening.

I think it's depression which has a way on not letting you appreciate a really good thing.

You are doing great, even if it's not sinking in!
  
highest weight 425lbs - surgery weight 400lbs - goal weight 199lbs
yes4Jess
on 9/3/09 8:31 am - somewhere, MI
wow I know EXACTLY how you feel.  I have not had wls yet but I have lost massive amounts of weight in the past.  The last time I lost about 90 pounds on Atkins Induction phase. I didn't even recognize myself.  I look amazing in pictures and such but once I got past the "me" weight I felt lost.  I'm terribly brokenhearted that I sabotaged that though... I am currently over 130 pounds heavier that I was....  :(
5'5" HW-344 (10/4/09) SW-295 (10/7/10) CW-161 GW-144
Never give up, Never surrender! ~Galaxy Quest

First person to tell me I took the "easy" way out is getting a black eye!
      
wtpooh
on 9/11/09 9:00 am - FL
Wow!  This is my biggest fear about the surgery I think.  I too lost ~80# and gained back 115# and at my lowest I fely the same way.  I feel like that feeling is what is partially responsible for the re-gain.  I feel that if I had seen the change as it was I would have been inspired to keep it off (and keep going)  I am sooooooo scared that I am gonna have WLS and not get to a point where I can see the real me, see the accomplishment and do the work that will be needed; and it will all be for not.  I am sorry that I have no advicet to offer, but I am glad that I am not alone, and that there will be support here to get through it.

abigails_mommy
on 9/3/09 8:48 am - Brooklyn, IN
I just got under 300 too!  Very exciting!  Congrats!!!!
~Michelle~

    


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