New Friends

I was wondering if anyone here stopped hanging out with the same group of friends after (or before) surgery...and if so, why?

I have a big group of friends.  They are all thin and well put together and I have always felt different for alot of reasons, weight being one.  But I never let it stop me from being involved.  Now I feel REALLY different and I dont feel like I have anyone in the group to turn to.  They just wouldnt understand why I chose WLS or how hard it is and I am sure every pound would be fodder for gossip.  Today we were all chatting about tv shows and someone started talking about the biggest looser.  Before I knew what hit me, they were talking about one guy in a disapproving tone who went off the show and gained half of it back and about how he must have not stayed on program.  I got up and left and checked on the kids in the other room.  They dont get it.  I am happy for them that they dont get it.  But they arent going to get WLS either.  And I know it will be a hot topic when I am not in the room.

If it wasnt that my 3 year old is really good friends with their kids, I would have found new friends a while ago.  But now I dread being anywhere near them and worry it hurts my frame of mind.

Anyone else find themself in the same situation?

*hugs* I think in time you will find that the ones who are truly your friends will stand out and be there even when you think they are aren't. It sounds like that group isnt as great as they think they are.

Even though your child is friends with their child, it doesnt mean you have to be good friends with the mom or moms. you also have to think about if you really want your child to be friends with that child and exposed to negative comments. I recently came across this issue when I interacted with a parent from my child's school. a lot of her comments were very racist (and not acceptable talk at my house). I realized that my child is not old enough to filter that out on their own and I didnt want him exposed to that.

I have a large group of friends too.  And I agree, they don't get the "wows" and "woes" of WLS.  I can tell that sometimes when I mention something that is new for me - like tying my shoes from a sitting position - they just can't relate and I come here or my surgeon's support group to shout those victories and/or woes to those who do understand.  However, if these are good friends and you don't want to lose them, give them a chance to be there for you.  My best friend is a skinny ol thing and often when I talk about my big ol' belly she can relate because even though I would run through fire for her belly it is still something that bothers her.  By giving her the respect she deserves for hating her belly we can relate to one another on the level of how living with this imperfection makes us feel.  This is just one of the examples on how we may never walk in the same shoes but we do share some common ground. 

This journey take lots of support and I commend those who experience WLS without and army of people in their corner.  This journey is also psychologically taxing and if those friends are not going to enhance your experience, it may in your best interest to back away for awhile.  However, I say again - give them a chance - they may just surprise you.  Make new friends but keep the old ... one is silver the other gold!

Thank you both.  I think both are great advice.  Some of the people...well one...is just not a good person.  Not as far as racist, but back-stabbing and full of herself.  I guess if it werent for her and my fears about being judged and gossiped about would be much less.  She is moving in 5 months!  Woohoo :)

And I should give at least a couple a chance to be there for me.  It isnt fair that I come in ready to be offended and annoyed.  I think I am going to pick one I feel most comfortable with and talk to her about it.  Maybe that will help me have a gouge on how others will handle it.

I would also make it clear to her that you are telling her in confidence and hope she wont break that by telling any of the others before you are ready to.

I bet the dynamics of the group may change once that one person is out of the way.

It felt so good to tell some one!  I told one friend who is more mature and it went well.  She is so excited for me.  She thinks I should just beat people to the punch and tell everyone.  I am still not sure.  I will think about it a while.

I am glad it went well!!!! Take your time and do what you feel comfortable doing!