Calorie Countdown - Upset Thursday, what are you eating?

Good morning all.

I had a tough day yesterday. I went to the same journal club class I go to every week basically. Same professor. He's always been really nice, and while I used to fear him, I now think of him as a colleague and completely respect him... until yesterday. I am thrown on this one. He said something that made me cringe and upset me more than I would have expected. I think its because I genuinely like him, I was even sort of secretly thinking about asking him for a post-doc position.

So here's the story morning glory. Its a class of about 12, and about half of us were old pros and half newbies. He was introducing how the class works and everything and one of the things they've always done is that whoever is speaking that week brings some kind of snack, usually a junky sugary thing. Well when he got to that part of the explanation he said "Jennifer knows what I'm about to say. We always bring snacks"

WTF? Ok so is this a jab at the fat person in the room (who rarely if ever in 4 years has participated in the eating of these snacks) or was I just the first old pro he saw? Am I hurt by this? Did he forget I just lost 200lbs? I'm torn because he's never been mean or insensitive to me or anyone else in my hearing so I am inclined to believe he was just being a dip, but at the same time I am hurt. It feels like one of those old playground jabs, you know? I am most hurt that it was coming out of him because I really do respect him a lot.

So what should I do? Would it be stupid and unprofessional and "crazy female" to tell him this upset me or should I move on? I know that now I won't touch a single stupid snack all semester and I'm not bringing a damned thing when its my turn to speak.

B - I haven't had it

L - don't know edit - nothing

D - food edit - some chicken teriyaki with brown rice and veggies

S - 20oz mootopia, 2 caramel candies

How's that for planning? I'll post what I eat later.

I am a handle it now kind of girl and would have probably jokingly - to keep things light - asked him what he meant by that in front of everyone.  If I didn't do it then, then I would just let it go.PreB - decaf coffeeB - melba toast and fresh cherriesL - turkey chili/cheese and wheat thinsS - sugar free puddingD - fajita meatMy coworkers told me today they are tired for me in regards to my turkey chili.  I gave them  the good news that today is the last of it until I make it again. 

Ugh, Jenn. That sucks. Just from reading it - I don't know for sure, I wasn't there, so don't kill me, but again - just from reading what you wrote, it sounded like he said it from the "old pro" perspective, not from the "fat person in the room". I could be wrong - and I'm definitely not taking up for him because either way - he shouldn't have done that, but it sounds like to me he likes you and felt comfortable using you as an example. Also, given your history of losing a lot of weight, I think it was in very poor taste to say something like that. Then again, I've had stuff happen to me like that and my brother once told me that some people don't have the "fat radar" -- they say things without thinking and never even consider that it could hurt your feelings. It made sense to me because I guess not everyone is as sensitive about weight issues as I am because I've dealt with it my whole life.

Having said all that - I can truly say it would have made me feel very uncomfortable and upset too. I'm not sure I would tell him it hurt my feelings because it sounds like to me he never intended for that to happen so I think he would be taken off-guard if you told him that. He might not even remember saying it and it would make you feel even more awkward afterwards. I would let it slide, but then if it ever happened again I would immediately tell him you didn't appreciate what he said.

I'm sorry that hurt your feelings and I completely understand how you feel. I've been there many times in life. I've even cut people out of my life for comments like that because it hurt so bad, so I get what you're going through.

I don't really have a plan today for food. I HAD a plan but that went to hell this morning.

B: Egg beaters with a little cheese (Took one bite and spit it out. I'm tired of eating this for breakfast and it made me sick.)

L: No clue (after my breakfast failed, I'm not interested in eating anything else.)

D: Again - no clue.

It's one of THOSE days.

Also, I almost said what Clinell said - I'm so use to (a) being the biggest person in the room and (b) having weight issues my whole life that I have been known to handle it like Clinell said - right then and there. I can see myself saying something like, "Yeah, I do know - the fatkid always knows about the food!" Or something equally as obnoxious. I'm use to kidding about my weight. I'm trying to stop doing that so much though because I've learned it's not very respectful to myself to say stuff like that. But it's a hard habit to break.

I got fussed this week.  I work with some bigger women.  I was told by one of those women that when I made those comments before I lost the weight, I was making them about myself.  But now that I am closing in on her size, she is starting to take offense because she is concerned that I think that about her.  Now here is the kicker - I would LOVE to be her size.  In fact, before surgery I would tell everyone that if I could get to her size, I would be happy.  I still feel that way and it feels unreal that I am so close that I guess I don't take that into consideration.  I still see myself as Kix would say - Circus Fat! 

I guess we don't realize how often we cut ourselves down about our weight until someone calls us out on it!

The new me is the kinda girl that doesn't put up with that crap anymore from anyone. So I would ask what that comment was supposed to mean? I would tell him exactly what you said here. He needs to know that it hurt/bothered you.

Pre B - SF NF Eggnog latte - 1/2

B - terrible - bagel with ham and cheese

S - edit - nothing

L -edit - Chinese dumpling soup, 1 steamed bun - unexpected lunch meeting

S - Greek yogurt with pomegranate seeds

D - steak and veggies

S - either fruit or a package of the new Kay's Natural Sweet BBQ Mix - so yummy!

I've had the same chemistry professor for 3 semesters now.

I like him. I even got him and my mom talking to each other on the phone.

Anyway, when we were all introducing ourselves he said, "we will be seeing less and less of Dave as the semester goes on".

Meaning I will be losing a lot of weight.

I thought it was funny.

I think your professor was just looking at you when he was talking about the class and just pointed out that you were familiar with how the class works.

It didn't sound like he was pointing out the "fat girl" in the class. I am sure he didn't mean anything by it. I wouldn't take it seriously.

Ok, I wrote him and sent it before I could change my mind. At least this way I feel like I didn't just roll over and "take it" - this is what I wrote:

Dear Dr. ----,

I've been debating on whether to speak up about this because I might just be overly-sensitive, but your comment yesterday in class about how I knew you would be talking about snacks next bothered me a bit. Was that a jab at my weight? You've always seemed very nice and supportive of students, and if it wasn't intended that way then I apologize for taking it wrong. However, either way, I felt like it was an inappropriate thing to say to the fattest person in the room, especially to a bunch of new people.  I respect you immensely and enjoy your class so it threw me for a loop. Normally I would never say anything at all, but I am trying very hard to stand up for myself these days and I've worked very hard to lose 200lbs so I feel like you should at least be aware that comments like that are uncalled for. I'm hoping I was mistaken, but if not please let me know so that I can change my schedule.

Thank you,
Jennifer

And here was his reply:

Jennifer, please accept my apologies, and trust me that that was not my intention
At all, I am so sorry that that was how it sounded to you.  I meant that anyone
Who had been in the class before would know how much I like sweets, and you
Happened to be sitting next to me so I just picked you.  There was no underlying
Intent, and I apologize that it came off like that.  Please understand that
It was NOT directed at you and I feel terrible if that’s how it sounded.  I would never
Intentionally say anything to hurt or humiliate you or anyone else in the class.
Thank you for calling my attention to this, I will try to be more careful in the
Future to not cause anyone any discomfort because of my choice of words.

Seems like you pegged him right the first time.  This guy appears to be a very respectable individual who can take criticism constructively.  Those are a rare breed.