What's Happening To Me??

Sorry...probably going to be a long, rambling post.  You've been warned!

I think I'm having some major PMS stuff going on.  Not only has my weight jumped by 14 freaking pounds (though I've "lost" 1.5 lbs. since Monday), I find myself having major mood swings.  Last night I burst into tears at least twice during The Biggest Loser - it was so overwhelming to watch the SMO participants and know how they feel, how their bodies had to have hurt during the workouts.  Of course I about flipped out when they showed Bob and Jillian watching the contestants wander around in the gym by themselves and make comments about them.  They were acted so surprised they didn't know what they were doing in the gym - HELLO!?!?! Do you really think that a) they've ever been to a gym before and b) if they have been to a gym before do you think anyone ever showed them how to train/work the machines, etc>?  Oh, hell no!!!!  It made me ill.  I could go on and on.  I almost was hysterical when the older guy keeled over - it was horrible to watch.  Then I found myself mad at myself for watching and the TV show for exploiting not only the older man (makes for good TV to have people think this guy could die on the gym floor) and the contestants in general - I felt they made it sound like SMO people are freaks of nature.

So then I watched another show that is much like Biggest Loser, but on Discovery Health channel.  One lady was saying how she's made 100's of brownie mixes but has never once baked them - she just eats the brownie dough.  I was so mad that I had never thought of that!!!!!!! Dammit - that would be perfect and now I can't do it!  How sick and twisted is that thinking?!?!  Can you say addict  a-d-d-i-c-t!  Later on, someone said "She eats COOKIE DOUGH for breakfast!!! Who does that???"  My thought was - hey there's egg in cookie dough, egg is healthy; of course it's wrapped around basically lard and sugar and mixed in with little chocolate-flavored bits of more lard and sugar...

Bottom line, it was the expressions of shame that I felt was being promoted by both the Bigger Loser and this other show that really irked me.  The catty comments from Bob and Jillian and the trainers on this other show took me right back to high school and the whole "OMG! How could she do that/wear that; ewwwwww!" with a healthy dose of "Poor thing, she's let herself go...tsk, tsk!"  I know that for me, the last thing I ever needed was someone to heap more shame like attitudes on me - it's not like I didn't/haven't/don't already have truckloads of it all on my own!!

Don't know what's happening with my body.  My panni has turned into a giant, melted stay-puft marshmallow swamp pit.  God, there are just no words to describe it.  It's falling out of my panties, so I get either this giant butt look and the zipper of my pants is the perfect accent to the crack or this god-awful old grandpa belly, where it's obvious there's nothing but soft, squishy flesh - you don't quite know where it begins and where it may end and you are sure you don't want to find out! EEGADS!!!  Even my shapers aren't doing much for the whloe situation; I think it would take a corp of NASA engineers to design the undergarment I need. 

I broke down and did call my insurance company to find out if plastic surgery is covered.  They said only if it's medically necessary.  I think I can get a boob lift covered as back when I was 19, my T-4 vertabra was broken in an accident and as I get older and the girls get longer (!!), my back is hurting more and more.  As far as my belly, I'm sure I can make a case for it getting in the way of exercising and moving around.  Does anyone know if plastic surgeons are skilled in drafting records around the 'medically necessary' avenue?  I'm a bit concerned that since surgery didn't cover WLS (I paid out of pocket) that they may say that since plastic surgery is necessary because of WLS, they won't cover any plastics.  Any thoughts on that?

So...I feel fat.  Seeing the scale jump about dropped me to my knees.  Speaking of which, I'm getting my other knee replaced here in a few weeks.  I'm actually looking forward to some down time.  My boss is planning her travel plans for the year; Sundance Film Festival in January, California in May and the entire month of July off between a trip to Ireland and a Native American sundance (she's a sundancer) and at least two trips to the Northwest.  It drives me a bit crazy (and I am jealous she gets to travel and we're doing good to do a few long weekends here and there.)  Oh well nothing I can do to change it.

I know TOM is lurking somewhere out there.  I haven't been sleeping very well, so I'm hoping tonight I sleep like a rock.  Everything seems better after a good night's sleep.  Other than that - all is well.  Off to drink some more water and some more.  I've even been drinking around 20 -24 oz. of water throughout the night!!

Take care,
Jana

Hi Jana,

Thank you for your post.  I can relate to the emotional side of live.  I've begun to cry at commercials!  A romantic movie, roll out the kleenex!  It's pathetic, my teenage daughter laughs at me.  I just tell her she'll act just like this some day, then we'll see who's laughing! The look on her face makes me smile.  TOM doesn't even have to be any where near me! 

I feel the same way about Biggest Loser, it's all commercial, no way I would watch it.  But I gotta agree about the brownie mix, I never even thought of that either. Cookie dough, yes. Brownie mix no. 

I don't have any experience with the PS and insurance.  I wish you well with that. Keep us posted so we can learn from your experience.

Good luck with the knee and the PS, and thanks for the thoughts and the laugh!

Sweet Dreams!

Diane

I can't stand to watch any of the loser shows. They are demeaning and insulting to overweight people who are always treated like scum. The only one I've seen that treated MO people with any respect at all is Dr. Garth's Big Medicine.

Oh Jana....That sucks. I know how you feel watching those shows. they nauseate me too. Total exploitation, I think it just feeds into some bad stereotypes. PMS is so rough. I hope you get some relief when you start bleeding.

Sometimes I think I am going NUTS.

Are your dr's are documenting all of yor panni isssues so you'll have a better shot at insurance coverage... IT IS MEDICALLY NECESSARY! I am starting to understand that now that it's happening to me too.

Hang in there

If you are having any rashes or skin issues from your panni, get it documented by you doctors as well as any other issue sit is causing, I know that my insurance will only cover it as medically necessary if it is listed as medical skirt removal never call it plastics to the insurance company or a tummy tuck always call it a medically necessary operation, I am not very far out but have been lucky to be in contact with a lady who has gotten hers done as medially necessary and as I was already starting to have issue with a rampant yeast rash on my leg from the panni hanging that we have already started gathering the required documentation.

Best of luck!

I feel dumb but whaT IS panni?

For me it's that big flap that hangs down below the belly button and and rests against the top of my thighs.  Makes finding pants/underwear pure joy!

Jana, does it help to say I understand how you feel?  My emotions are all over the place lately, too.
I figured it was just perimenopause -- I was 2/3 of the way through what I thought was menopause and then that damn Aunt Flo showed up, so now I had to reset the calendar and start the year all over again.  Of course, she hasn't been back since... *****

Kix

Lots of hugs going out to you Jana!

I getted annoyed with biggest loser, so don'****ch it often. Reminds me of how I was treated in high school.

Cookie dough for breakfast, what's wrong with that? Other than it helped me to once weigh 388 pounds! I used to eat it all the time! I'd buy a roll and eat a good 3 inch chunk uncooked everytime I walked by the fridge. I'd be lucky if it lasted more than a day.

Now the brownies uncooked don't sound so good to me, but then again I'm not a huge chocolate fan.

Make sure your documenting any rash or pains, if you go to the right PS you'll get your plastics covered. I have been approved for a lower body lift and a breast reduction, I was shocked!

Jana, first, let me apologize for my response to your post earlier in the week about your weight gain.  I was just trying to make light of it, but I've been in that situation and it's not funny.  So, again, I'm sorry.

I am a fan of TBL.  I have never felt like they were exploiting the contestants on the show.  I missed the opening show of this season but have it set to watch on Fine Living this weekend.  I find it inspirational and very motivational.  I can always relate to someone on each and every show.  I relate to their struggles and learn from the some of the exercises that Bob & Jillian do for the contetants.

However, I know that neither one of the trainers cannot relate to someone with such a high BMI.  They have no clue what it's like to be winded half-way up one flight of the stairs, or driving around a parking lot for 10 minutes to find a close spot because walking from far out is painful to the knees and ankles, or being embarrased to undress in front of your husband or being fearful of making love with the lights on because of your body!  I'm sure they've never been fat in their life.  Now their goal is to motivate the contestants, but I think they need a chill pill.

I guess my question is why does it take the heavier BMI contestants to appear on the show to cause so much controversay?

My panni is disgusting but it's not quite squishy but above the waist is very flabby and squishy, so I've got the muffin top and the lower panni.  I have been having problems with a smelly, red, icky belly button and have had it documented by my surgeon and also by my primary physician.

I've been having issues with my arm fat getting pinched, and well, there's pretty much gals here, but my mons used to be very fat and now it's very squishy.  It is beginning to cause problems when I exercise as well - like on the bike, or some of the leg exercises.  Because of the flabbiness, it's getting pinched as well.  I would never have thought that I would need a vagina lift!

So, here's a big HUG for you and I hope the rest of the weight comes off quickly for you...but I know it will!