back in the same boat
WARNING - LONG, RAMBLING, DEPRESSING, SELF-PITY POST AHEAD.....
Hi there, I am post op - had LAP RNY 3 1/2 years ago. I used to belong to the BMI over 50 board years ago but I stopped posting due to lack of time. I re-registered today.
I lost 170 pounds and got down to a size 10/12 by about 18 months out. Over the past 2 years, I gained alot of weight back due to grazing and eating the wrong things. I joined Weigh****chers and did real well - losing back down almost to my lowest post-op weight but I gained it all back plus more. I exercise all the time - 5 to 6 days per week doing cardio, weights, pilates, etc. My exercise is the ONLY reason I gained "some" weight back instead of gaining it all back.
I feel like a complete loser - in a bad way. You know how right after your surgery and you're losing huge amounts of weight and feel like you can conquer the world. Well, when I think back to that, it is almost laughable because I have screwed up so much recently. I eat like a freakin' pig – I know I stretched out my pouch. Eating feels great while I am doing it, but the second I swallow the last bite, I hate myself for it. We all know that feeling, right. I thought those days were gone for good, but nope, they're back.
My family is DELIGHTED to see my fall flat on my face with this. My mother is MO and my sisters are both overweight - I was always the biggest one in the family - SMO. Growing up and all my adult life I was the constant target of fat jokes and fat names by my family - they claim it was all in good fun, but I never found it amusing. Well, the fat names are back with a vengeance. My mother thinks it's cutesy to address me as "butts" or "thunder thighs" rather than my name. Nice, thanks mom - no wonder I am so screwed up. My sisters are also back with the fat jokes. I was 100% certain as a new post-op that the days of fat names were behind me but nope, they're back.
I am also back to avoiding mirrors and cameras. I feel so huge and ugly I can't bear to look at myself - AGAIN. At 18 mos out, I got a makeover, took loads of photos and felt great about my physical appearance. Maybe I will feel that way again at some point in the future, but I don't feel that way right now. I am also back to being a loner. I was sure that once I lost the weight, I'd get out there and make friends, start dating, meet the love of my life, get married, have my own family, yadda, yadda, yadda. Heck I can’t even get a guy to give me the time of day much less a date – and I’m pushing 40 so time’s slipping away.
Anyhow, I am pretty happy-go-lucky on the outside but I am a complete fraud and a phony. I am so depressed that sometimes wish I could just go to sleep and not wake up and that feeling freaks me out so I decided to go see a counselor in the new year. I have to see if my health plan covers it - hopefully it does because I need professional help. I know all the things I need to do to lose weight – I just need help finding the motivation and determination to change my lifestyle for good. And it’s not just the weight, I need help getting my self-esteem to a healthy place and with setting boundaries with people. I allow my family to make me feel like a piece of crap and that’s MY problem. My mom and sisters are not bad people. Really. They’re shockingly insensitive but they're not bad, evil people. Anyhow, I guess I said all that to say – especially to newer post-ops that the surgery does not address emotional problems, self-esteem issues, or family issues. It gives you a smaller stomach and that’s all - and it is absolutely possible to make the new stonach bigger again. If you don’t also take the time to get your head on straight, you could find yourself right back in the same boat a few years down the road like me. Sorry for the long rambling post. I hope you all have a real nice holiday and a happy new year. Peg
Hi there, I am post op - had LAP RNY 3 1/2 years ago. I used to belong to the BMI over 50 board years ago but I stopped posting due to lack of time. I re-registered today.
I lost 170 pounds and got down to a size 10/12 by about 18 months out. Over the past 2 years, I gained alot of weight back due to grazing and eating the wrong things. I joined Weigh****chers and did real well - losing back down almost to my lowest post-op weight but I gained it all back plus more. I exercise all the time - 5 to 6 days per week doing cardio, weights, pilates, etc. My exercise is the ONLY reason I gained "some" weight back instead of gaining it all back.
I feel like a complete loser - in a bad way. You know how right after your surgery and you're losing huge amounts of weight and feel like you can conquer the world. Well, when I think back to that, it is almost laughable because I have screwed up so much recently. I eat like a freakin' pig – I know I stretched out my pouch. Eating feels great while I am doing it, but the second I swallow the last bite, I hate myself for it. We all know that feeling, right. I thought those days were gone for good, but nope, they're back.
My family is DELIGHTED to see my fall flat on my face with this. My mother is MO and my sisters are both overweight - I was always the biggest one in the family - SMO. Growing up and all my adult life I was the constant target of fat jokes and fat names by my family - they claim it was all in good fun, but I never found it amusing. Well, the fat names are back with a vengeance. My mother thinks it's cutesy to address me as "butts" or "thunder thighs" rather than my name. Nice, thanks mom - no wonder I am so screwed up. My sisters are also back with the fat jokes. I was 100% certain as a new post-op that the days of fat names were behind me but nope, they're back.
I am also back to avoiding mirrors and cameras. I feel so huge and ugly I can't bear to look at myself - AGAIN. At 18 mos out, I got a makeover, took loads of photos and felt great about my physical appearance. Maybe I will feel that way again at some point in the future, but I don't feel that way right now. I am also back to being a loner. I was sure that once I lost the weight, I'd get out there and make friends, start dating, meet the love of my life, get married, have my own family, yadda, yadda, yadda. Heck I can’t even get a guy to give me the time of day much less a date – and I’m pushing 40 so time’s slipping away.
Anyhow, I am pretty happy-go-lucky on the outside but I am a complete fraud and a phony. I am so depressed that sometimes wish I could just go to sleep and not wake up and that feeling freaks me out so I decided to go see a counselor in the new year. I have to see if my health plan covers it - hopefully it does because I need professional help. I know all the things I need to do to lose weight – I just need help finding the motivation and determination to change my lifestyle for good. And it’s not just the weight, I need help getting my self-esteem to a healthy place and with setting boundaries with people. I allow my family to make me feel like a piece of crap and that’s MY problem. My mom and sisters are not bad people. Really. They’re shockingly insensitive but they're not bad, evil people. Anyhow, I guess I said all that to say – especially to newer post-ops that the surgery does not address emotional problems, self-esteem issues, or family issues. It gives you a smaller stomach and that’s all - and it is absolutely possible to make the new stonach bigger again. If you don’t also take the time to get your head on straight, you could find yourself right back in the same boat a few years down the road like me. Sorry for the long rambling post. I hope you all have a real nice holiday and a happy new year. Peg
I am sorry that you are struggling. You offer some very good insight.
I gained a 100 pounds in my last round of therapy. What I realized recently was until I "graduated" from therapy so to spea****il I got over my family issues, I wasn't even ready to have weight loss surgery let alone maintain a weight loss. I had so much family depency junk to get through and so much other crap that I had to straighten out first. So maybe this is your new year. You have the tool, you know how to work it and you can get rid of what's eating you. Please come back. Loris
I gained a 100 pounds in my last round of therapy. What I realized recently was until I "graduated" from therapy so to spea****il I got over my family issues, I wasn't even ready to have weight loss surgery let alone maintain a weight loss. I had so much family depency junk to get through and so much other crap that I had to straighten out first. So maybe this is your new year. You have the tool, you know how to work it and you can get rid of what's eating you. Please come back. Loris
Loris 344/119@ 5'2" Below Goal
Lower body lift 10/17/2007
Upper body lift 1/23/2008
Peg,
I'm sorry to hear you're having such a hard time. I am glad you came back here. Keep reading and posting here, you wrote an amazing, insightful story about what you've been going through, and there's a lot of truth in there. We all deal with insensitive people somewhere in our lives. We are here for each other and maybe this is where you need to get that support.
I'm hoping to hear from you again, you're not alone out there and you're worth the work the it will take you to get back on track. Keep posting!!
Diane
I'm sorry to hear you're having such a hard time. I am glad you came back here. Keep reading and posting here, you wrote an amazing, insightful story about what you've been going through, and there's a lot of truth in there. We all deal with insensitive people somewhere in our lives. We are here for each other and maybe this is where you need to get that support.
I'm hoping to hear from you again, you're not alone out there and you're worth the work the it will take you to get back on track. Keep posting!!
Diane
HI Peg!
I'm so glad you came back and decided to post here. What's happening to you can happen to anyone and we all need to be very aware of that.
I think you've made a huge step in starting to get things under control and once again turn your life around just by posting here. We're all hear for you, we're one big happy family here on the over 50 BMI board.
I highly recommend you give your surgeon's office a call as well if you haven't been in touch with them already. They can help, they don't want to see people fail.
I know your exercising but how are you with vitamins?
Please take the time to do something for yourself, stick around and join us!
Best wishes to you!
I'm so glad you came back and decided to post here. What's happening to you can happen to anyone and we all need to be very aware of that.
I think you've made a huge step in starting to get things under control and once again turn your life around just by posting here. We're all hear for you, we're one big happy family here on the over 50 BMI board.
I highly recommend you give your surgeon's office a call as well if you haven't been in touch with them already. They can help, they don't want to see people fail.
I know your exercising but how are you with vitamins?
Please take the time to do something for yourself, stick around and join us!
Best wishes to you!
Jan
I know I can, I know I can
I know I can, I know I can
hi peg
thank so much for posting what's going on in your life right now, it shows that you have so much courage.. i was going to subject counseling, but your already on it WTG. i've been going to conseling for years. and it's like anything else. you have to connect with the right one for your needs.
i needed to get out the bed and have some place to go. so at the time going to group and being around other woman was best for me. i was also going to church at the time, but i very big one. so after going there for about 4 years and still didn't know anyone. i stopped going to that church.
now i go to a very small church and i know everyone and they all know me. the group ended, but i have the numbers of a few members that i keep in contact with. and now i'm part of a nutrition group.
i'm taking baby steps in the right direction, so i can finally get out this house on solid ground.
the most important change i made is that i've let God lead me into making the changes i've needed to make. i beleive that he loves me and that he wants me to be healthy and happy.
when you accept God's love, it won't matter what anyone else says or do's.
God is my comfort and my support.
dont get me wrong we still need each other, but we really don't need people in our lives who dont want to see you do better and who make fun of us.
i really wish you all the best, keep on trying, dont let them hurt you, God Loves you and so do i, mydear
thank so much for posting what's going on in your life right now, it shows that you have so much courage.. i was going to subject counseling, but your already on it WTG. i've been going to conseling for years. and it's like anything else. you have to connect with the right one for your needs.
i needed to get out the bed and have some place to go. so at the time going to group and being around other woman was best for me. i was also going to church at the time, but i very big one. so after going there for about 4 years and still didn't know anyone. i stopped going to that church.
now i go to a very small church and i know everyone and they all know me. the group ended, but i have the numbers of a few members that i keep in contact with. and now i'm part of a nutrition group.
i'm taking baby steps in the right direction, so i can finally get out this house on solid ground.
the most important change i made is that i've let God lead me into making the changes i've needed to make. i beleive that he loves me and that he wants me to be healthy and happy.
when you accept God's love, it won't matter what anyone else says or do's.
God is my comfort and my support.
dont get me wrong we still need each other, but we really don't need people in our lives who dont want to see you do better and who make fun of us.
i really wish you all the best, keep on trying, dont let them hurt you, God Loves you and so do i, mydear
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