If You've Tried Overeater's Annon...
If you have attend OA meetings (or currently attending) - how is/was your WLS "accepted" in your group? If a "special focus" meeting was available for all weight-loss surgery people (the meeting still open to ALL people who wish to stop eating compulsively, but a focus on WLS, just like they have meeting with special focus on gay/lesibian, 100 pounders, aneroxic, etc.) would you be interested?
My story: I've been attending OA for 5 years. I had RNY on 12/17/07 and have since lost 178 lbs. I still attend OA. However, my experience with other OA's reactions have been mixed, at best. I've been told a lot of the same things we all hear: I took the easy way out; I'm not doing it the 'right' way, i.e. the OA(?) way; Of course you're losing weight - you mutilated your guts and are starving yourself!; and the most hurtful (to me) that I should never be a sponser as I have nothing to offer because I had surgery. Others have reached out to learn more about WLS and to offer as much support as possible. Sadly, I have heard of at least two people who came to OA after WLS and left OA because the other OA's couldn't relate to them. One OA asked me how in the world can someone be full after 1/4 C of chicken and how can an extra bite make them sick? One oldtimer (whom I find very very offensive) said, "Her (the WLS OA) doctor told her not to eat more than 2 tablespoons of food at a time, 3 - 5 times a day - THAT'S NOT HEALTHY!!! You don't have to be a rocket scientist to know that doctor is obviously a QUACK!!!" I was stunned! I asked the 'battle-axe' to please give my name and number to the WLS OA - call me anytime, day or night. The battle-ax told me, "Too late - she and her huband moved out of state - her eating is just completely OUT OF CONTROL, she's gaining weight like there's no tomorrow!" Ack!!!
So after some other experiences, I contacted the "powers at be" of OA and have inquired if it would "allowable" (not the right word, I know) to start another OA meeting in my area with the special focus on WLS. My local OA oldtimers, including the offensive one above, practically turned themselves inside out, telling me NO! - it's a violation of the traditions; it would be like Weigh****chers having an OA meeting; WLS is an outside issue (isn't other special focus matters like gay/lesbian "outside issues", too?), etc. I have taken my question to World Service and have been notified the Board of Trustees is taking it under consideration, so I hope to have an official answer soon.
In the meantime, please share any OA experiences with WLS that you may have had. Feel free to contact me by email, too.
Thanks,
Jana
I personally have found no value in 12 step programs, but if you feel it's helping you, go for it. Maybe there are others out there that it can and will help.
Scott
I am pre-op. I hope to have a revision surgery from a failed VBG I had in 1987. Having been an member of OA on and off for more than 25 years, I find the idea of a special meeting for WLS intriguing. I think it would be helpful to post-ops who need on-going support in using the WLS tool. OA is free and if you live in a big enough city, there are plenty of meetings. My surgery program has support group meetings monthly - but OA as you know can be daily if you want it. So if it could work for WLS it would be great. However, having been on both sides of this question, I'd have concerns. People struggling with obesity tend to have passionate feelings about WLS. Some would never have surgery; they see it as somehow cheating. Some would jump on it but don't have the insurance/financial means, many are ambivalent about it. I'm thinking It might be difficult for the WLS to get the unconditional support and understanding he/she deserves at a regular meeting.
Additionally, I don't know that WLS is a special focus like for example a 100 pounders meeting or Gay/Lesbain meeting because unlike those examples, WLS touches the behavior - how/why we eat or don't. I see it as more as a possible off-shoot like HOW or Food Addicts Anonymous. As a WLS post-op, God knows I don't want to spend my time or energy dealing with other people's projected prejudice/fear or opinions - yea or nay - around WLS. It might also be hard working with a sponsor who is ignorant of WLS. Unlkie the oldtimers you talked to, I don't think WLS is an outside issue -though support for surgery yea or nay might be an outside issue- I think WLS is closer to a method of weight loss - some people don't eat sugar or flour, some eat anything but moderate their portion size and avoid bingeing - some have surgery that makes it more difficult to engage in certain compulsive eating behaviors...
But that said, I think WLS is compatible with working the steps, program says the problem is physical, emotional and spiritual...WLS address the physical and to an extent emotional aspects of the program. OA as such doesn't endorse any particular eating plan - so there is no reason the post-op diet coudn't be anybody's plan of eating.
I don't think WLS "cures" compulsive overeating - but it does give a clinically severely obese person a decent chance at both losing and keeping the weight off. Thats what I want for myself. Weight loss. I don't expect the surgey to bring me happiness or , "sanity", or help me win the lottery. I have issues I'm dealing with now, and I'll still have the vast majority of those issues the day after surgery. Listening to others and exploring this website has shown me that there is no "magic bullet" its just doing the next right thing - one day at a time - however a person defines that for themselves.
I struggle with OA because while I have met some wonderful people there and have had some great sponsors, I have had very little success in "physical abstainence" in my time in the program. OA is fond of stating that its the "last house on the block" and that the 12 step way is the only way to achieve sanity and maintain abstainence from compulsive overeating. But what happens if you have problems entering that last house? Is it ever ok to say "the only way" is not my way? I found myself in a situation where I felt like such a failure in OA that I had difficulty embracing the good in the program. I found myself in a pattern of going to meetings for a while and then just stopping. I had to be honest with myself the only reason I wasn't going to meetings is because I don't want to go even if I think i "should" go. I didn't /don't hate meetings though getting myself out the door and out of the barco lounger after a long day's work was a struggle at times.
Three years ago, I went to a residential treatment program for compulsive overeaters. It was based on the 12 steps. All our group work was focused on taking steps. I wanted WLS surgery before entering the treatment program, but people that I love suggested I might do better looking at why I kept regaining weight. [My entire adult life can be seen as one really big yo-yo]. So, I agreed. I had no problem following the food plan and lost 50 pounds while there. The counselors tended to be anti-WLS. We read of people who had surgery and then because they were addicts, they just switched addictions and became alcoholic or over spending. I learned in treatment that weight was a problem, but it was mostly a symptom. I agree with this position.
After returning home, starting work again I gained 70 over the last 3 years. So I find myself 20 pounds heavier than when I started treatment plus on anti-depressants [I agreed to take during treatment] I never took prior to being in treatment. [I'm not complaining - it could be worse, if I hadn't gone into treatment when I did God only know how much weight I would have gained. I was bingeing all the time and spending money I didn't have to go out and buy food. Although I have overeaten at times, I have not binged for quite awhile and for that I am grateful. I met some wonderful friends I came to love dearly in treatment and so treatment wasn't a terrible choice.
My best friend is a recovering alcoholic who is pretty involved in A.A. She fears I am making a mistake seeking WLS -she worries that I am basically trying to find "an easier, softer way" and she fears I will be devastated if I am not successful with WLS. [its a risk I'm willing to take] I love my friend and have a lot of respect for her opinion, so its been painful for both of us - I can't not have WLS for somebody else- I can only have it for me. Its been a growth experience for me - doing what I feel is best for me even if some people in my life disapprove.- and hopefully, walking through it - my dear ones are dear to me. For my friend I think its a growth moment too - learning to love and support someone when you really don't agree with them.
Thanks for the thought provoking questions. Let me know what comes of your request to World Service. I'd appreciate any thoughts my post brings to mind.
~NAMASTE~
l'VE NOT ATTENDED OA MEETlNGS BUT HAVE CONSlDERlNG DOlNG SO lN THE PAST AND WOULD CONSlDER DOlNG SO NOW THAT l HAVE DEClDED TO TAKE MY OBESlTY SERlOUSLY AND CHOSE WLS AS THE BEST OPTlON AVAlLABLE TO ME FOR THE CHANCE TO SUCCEED ON THE PHYSlCAL LEVEL.
AS WE ALL KNOW, WLS lS ONLY A TOOL. lT DOESN'T CURE AN ADDlCTlON TO FOOD NOR MAGlCALLY MAKE THE EMOTlONAL STRUGGLE ANY EASlER. ALL POST-OPS WlLL TELL YOU THAT lT'S THE MENTAL ASPECT OF CHOOSlNG TO MAKE THE CHANGE lN LlFESTYLE THAT lS NECESSARY FOR BOTH THE WElGHT LOSS AND LONG TERM MAlNTENANCE THAT lS MOST DlFFlCULT. WE ALL HAVE ElTHER STRUGGLED WlTH, OR KNOW THOSE WHO HAVE, COMPULSlVE OVEREATlNG, FOOD ADDlCTlON, TRANSFER ADDlCTlON, ETC AFTER WLS.
l AM AFRAlD THAT THE DEClSlON l MADE TO HAVE WLS, WHlCH lS TRULY ONLY ONE SMALL PART OF MY DEClSlON TO "GET BUSY LlVlN', OR GET BUSY DYlN'" , WOULD BE VlEWED AS WEAK BY SOME FOLKS AT OA. QUlTE SlMPLY l DON'T HAVE THE TlME NOR THE lNCLlNATlON TO DEAL WlTH "THOSE" KlND OF PEOPLE; l SPENT MANY YEARS FEELlNG ASHAMED OF MY OBESlTY AND COMPULSlVE OVEREATlNG AND l'LL BE DAMNED lF l SPEND ONE MORE SECOND PURPOSEFULLY SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE WHO SPOUT MlSlNFORMATlON AND NEGATlVlTY TOWARDS ANY PERSON STRUGGLlNG WlTH FOOD lSSUES. lF "SPEClAL FOCUS" GROUPS FOR WLS WERE AVAlLABLE THROUGH OA, l WOULD COMMlT TO JOlNlNG. HOWEVER, UNTlL THEY ARE AVAlLABLE, l WlLL CONTlNUE TO USE EXlSTlNG SOURCES OF SUPPORT AND CONTlNUE SEARCHlNG FOR NEW ONES WHERE l FEEL AT LEAST SOME MEASURE CONFlDENCE THAT l WlLL NOT BE ATTACKED.
AS AN ASlDE, l SPOKE TO MY ELDEST UNCLE (AGE 68 AND LlVlNG THOUSANDS OF MlLES AWAY FROM ME) ON THE PHONE FRlDAY AND HE WAS VERY SUPPORTlVE OF MY DEClSlON AND PROUD OF ME FOR HAVlNG FOUND THE COURAGE TO HAVE WLS. HE lS AN ALCOHOLlC AND HAS BEEN SOBER FOR 18 YEARS. HE'S BEEN AN ACTlVE MEMBER OF AA FOR THAT ENTlRE TlME. HE GOT THAT WHlLE OUR CHOlCE OF SUBSTANCE lS DlFFERENT, OUR ADDlCTlON lS THE SAME AND HE OFFERED TO BE A SOURCE OF SUPPORT TO ME. lF HE GETS lT, WHAT'S WRONG WlTH THE SUPPOSED FOOD EXPERTS AT OA THAT THEY CAN'T SEEM TO WRAP THElR MlNDS AROUND THE CONCEPT?
AMY
