Did The "New" Wear Off For You?

I need some insight from you all.  Though I'm not sure how to word this, do you all sometimes just get bored or have the feeling "I'm so over this" with the whole WLS thing?

Sometimes I venture onto the main board or the RNY board and I read all the posts from those newly out, those who just got insurance approval and while I'm happy for them to be setting out on their own journey, I sometimes think 'oh wait until reality sets in!'

While I'm thrilled with my surgery (I haven't had any complications - knock on wood!) and the success of losing 170 lbs., I still have another 50 to 70 to go and sometimes I just want to say I'm so much more than a WLS patient.  My surgery has lost a lot of it's "new-ness"; I don't spend a lot of time thinking about what I'm going to eat, what I did eat, how am I going to look when I lose ___ pounds, etc. Does this make any sense? I can eat at almost any resturant without much problem, I know what makes my tummy happy (most of the time), I take my vitamins and I get on with my life.

How do you keep yourself motivated? Jenn, Kathy S., and I had surgery all about the same time...I'm sure there are more, too.  I've noticed that we all have posted about cravings setting in, struggling to stay with 'the program' and what I term the 'ugh, this is my life with WLS' and somewhat of a wonderlust of "is this is??" But how do you, Kix, PJBurton, Jupiter, Jandell and others, keep going?  I know we really don't have much of a choice but to keep going - the surgery is done, can't take that back - but how do you keep it all in perspective? KWIM??

And to you new-comers who may reading - please, please, keep coming back. Your posts help me remember where I was at, remind me of how far I've come, and your posts help me remember to be oh so grateful for the surgery.  I rejoice in your triumphs of first WOW moments, of weight flying off you (though it makes me jealous, too! LOL) and rediscovering your health and yourself.  It is my only hope that I may offer an helpful insight or two to help or comfort when possible.

Coming from a BMI of 50 or more is a special place to me.  I know that you all have seen the very ugly and dangerous side of obesity can bring - the untold aches and pains, the hurtful things said to us, the embarrassing moments, the opportunities we never had because of our weight.  I know I often say that I'm pretty sure I really never wanted to be a cheerleader in high school, but I so desperately wanted to have the choice! I wanted to make the choice myself to be a cheerleader or not, not my body size. 

There's a very special understanding found on this board. It crosses age, gender, type of surgery, location.  It's an understanding that whispers "I know...I understand...and I care." And the miracle, to me, is that we care unconditionally.  I have never once seen a smack-down on our board here.  I think it's because we have all been where we knew we were facing death, one way or the other, and we understand that irregardless of the type of surgery we chose or anything else, it was a step towards life and living again. We also applaud the courage and strength it takes to take that step and the journey that follows.

I welcome any comments or insights any of you may have. I don't know if I really put it down in the right words, I hope you can make some sense out of what I'm trying to say!

Thanks!
Jana

I think you explained yourself quit clearly.  I am only 5 1/2 months out so I don't know if I should really reply to this post, but I do know that when someone mentions food such as chocolate cake my reply is - that's a food of my past.  But then I wonder, is it really a food of my past?  Will I never eat cake again? Will I really never have this or that food?  And then I start to think - will I be one of those *****vert back to my old ways of eating or will this eating pattern that I work hard at become my new way of eating? 

So honestly what I think I get tired of is the thinking that is related to WLS....the thinking and wondering what the future holds for me.  I guess that relates to my impatience.  I want to be at the end NOW!  I want to be done with plastics NOW!  However, I have to remind myself that I would not get to enjoy the wonderful experiences of my journey if it happened overnight.  So then I count my blessings and take my anti-depressant....hehehehe

Jana~

I too think you were very clear in what you are saying.  I'm just over three months out and I've had these thoughts too, I totally understand.  It's good to know you're not alone.  I also love this board and although I don't post as much as others I wouldn't make it without the support and love offered by all that post here! 

I hope Jenn, Kathy S., Kix, PJ, Jupiter and Jandell share their thoughts!  They provide me with the inspiration I need!

Take Care,

Diane

I think you expressed yourself beautifully.

I definitely don't think about my WLS much anymore. I rarely look at the other boards, but I do look here everyday because I feel attached to the people here and I've had lurkers write me privately and about being an inspiration or what have you (LOL I think that's super sweet but HI-LARIOUS). I try to be real and honest on here. I don't do things perfectly, I haven't from the beginning. I mess up and I come clean because I used to hide so much in regards to food and sneaking food, etc.

The excitement does wear off some, and its not nearly as fun when you have to start fighting for every pound again and really work on the demons. Your pouch (or whatever surgery you have) becomes more adaptable after some time. You can eat a lot more and you also absorb a lot more of what you eat as your body adapts to being re-routed. I try not to think of it as a diet, no more diets right?  But sometimes it feels like a diet, most definitely, and that can be frustrating or depressing. I try to think of it as "my new lifestyle" and sometimes bad things sneak in to "my new lifestyle" but I do my best to avoid them and my best is all I can do.

The skin is also hard. Honestly, the skin is more disturbing than I ever expected. I knew I wouldn't be normal, but I never really understood HOW MUCH extra skin there would be and how dreadful it would look. Its hard when you've been ashamed of your looks for some or all of your life and finally you are looking pretty normal... until you take your clothes off. So the skin takes some of the shiney happiness out of the process for me. Its like before you were so different from the people around you that you didn't notice the details anymore - I was circus fat. You can't miss that. But now, I'm more carnival-fat or flea circus fat or something. I'm CLOSE to normal looking so I start thinking about (dare I say obsessing) what doesn't look normal. The arm flab, the thighs - I would look so normal without these weird lumps of skin.  And then that gets you thinking about plastics. You still won't be normal after plastics, you'll have big scars.

Is normal so important? Probably not, but when you've never just "fit in the with crowd" you'd like to for once. Its also complicated and bittersweet for me to realize just how different people treat me now. Even people that knew me before treat me better now. Its hard not to get worked up about that sometimes.

I'm still so far from where I wanted to be that I worry I won't get there. I also worry that I will LOL. What will my skin look like then?? Good gracious. Technically I'm still 100-140lbs overweight. I try not to think that I won't succeed or compare myself to others or blame myself or anything. I TRY to just be happy and proud,  but those nagging self doubts also take their toll on a person during this entire process. 

That all being said, I am still thankful when my pouch puts me in line. I am still thankful for every pound I lose, and I am still much better off than I was 200lbs ago, and I'll never EVER EVER forget how it felt to be where I was or what I've gone through to get where I am now. I almost died 3 times last year, so I am not about to forget that this life is precious and I should do the best I can to prolong my time living it.

But in a nutshell, yes I agree, the "new" wears off. I think thats normal though, you have to move on with your life.

Very well said.

Jana,
A very Nice post....I have to say the newness does wear off ....but some of the milestones make it seem new again if even for a short time....I recently weigh in the 100's like 199.8 lol  but still there is a 1 in front of my 99.8 .....when I started this journey I weighed almost 400 lbs and I hated my self....I'm frustrated by how slowly I lose now...yesterday was 13 Months for me....seems like yesterday...I agree with Jenn about the skin...i'm kinda pissed that I look ok in cloths and like a 90 year old woman without them.....People are so shocked when they see me after losing almost 200 lbs that to them I am thin....to people who never knew me before i'm just another girl with 50 or so lbs to lose...im not sure i'll ever be happy with myself....but I am alot happier than I was!


nice post.....thanks for sharing. And your right most of the people on this board are real as they come and it all comes from being there.

Estelle

Jana,

My issues stem from the lack of weight loss.  It's very frustrating to work out every day or almost every day, eat low fat, high protein, and decent carbs most of the time (sans the glass of wine or other adult beverage on the weekend) and the scale to not move!!  I've been in the 250's since the end of august.  I had a brief glimpse of 240's last week but it didn't last.

I did have another glimmer of hope this evening.  I measured my waist and my hips and am down 3 inches on my waist and 3 inches on my hips since the last time I was pissed off at the scale (end of august).  So that really helps with my attitude.  I don't and won't ever give up on the exercise because it is a part of my life now and I feel totally awesome when I am done working out.

The food issues are pretty good for me.  I rarely dump (it's been on fats) but one bite of something satisfies my craving.  I have come to realize that I need to keep myself busy on the weekends when the structure flies out of the window and I need to drink more on the weekends as well.  I'm not eating crap, but i'm eating more snacks and that's not good because God knows I'm not hungry.

I've made the commitment to only weigh once a month.  With 6 pound weight losses being my average for the last 4 months, I think that I will be happiest and less despondent with the once a month weigh in. 

I'm not so worried about my skin issues and am pleased that it is not as bad as I had originally expected.  My posture plays a big role in how the skin looks and I am always aware of my posture because it affects how that excess skin looks.  I'm not happy with the deflating boobs as they keep shrinking and I was quite fond of my full breasts.  Hmph, not now.  My arms don't look too terribly bad and I know the weight training has helped with that area.  I just don't lift them up for those wings to hang down.  But again, they aren't as bad as I had expected.

I know I'm in this for the long haul and have a long, tough, emotional journey ahead of me.  So to answer your question, "has the newness worn off?"  Yes it has.  Have I changed my life forever?  Definitely!  Will I live my life out through my WLS?  I think it is a crucial part of who I am now and have made it a part of my life.  I still track my foods, I still monitor my vitamins, and I still make sure that I'm getting my protein and my water in every day.  Those are #1 for me.

Just like we were much more than our size when we were SMO, we are now more than the sum of our WLS.  I keep motivated by how much better I look, feel, and ambulate and by how much healthier I am.  The last fifty pounds made a difference in all those things too.  I also get motivation by not forgetting where I came from and by being grateful for the opportunities I was given.

We recently joined a church of about 35 members.  Three of the women have lost over 300 pounds between them recently without surgery.  So to the church as a whole seeing me at a somewhat normal weight saying I recently lost a lot of weight just makes me one of the crowd.  Church is a nice place to be humbled.  LOL  What excites them about me is what I can offer in the way of church growth and service. 
What I can offer!

Like you, I am ready to be more than the WLS patient or the plastic surgery patient.  I think this is very healthy.   We can lead a pretty typical life if we are lucky and still progress in our WLS.  If we are lucky enough to have pouches that don't make us stand out and our weight gets low enough that our bodies blend in we are at a special place of ease where we can move forward in realative obscurity and go with the flow.

Keep up the good work, Loris

Amazing insights from everyone. That is why I love this board so much. I don't post often, but I read all the time. 

I think we all have these feelings as we go down this road. It is an amazing journey and it is also bittersweet. We miss our old self as we discover our new selves. Its hard sometimes. Thank you to everyone in this board who keep my spirits up and keep me going with the inspirational stories.

You are all my family.

Denise

That could describe me to a tee, especially the past 6 months.  Most of the time I forget I had surgery - I can eat just about anything I want and I can revert to old habits fairly easily without even considering how it might affect my pouch. Just last week I was in a mood and just wanted to eat anything in sight - I bought enough food to last a week (needless to say I didn't eat it all). But before surgery that was a norm for me.

It's like I have this conflict with the 'new' me and the old me and most of the time the old is winning. It's amazing how I can forget what it was like at the beginning, I thought that would never happen. But despite practicing good habits for almost 2 years, the old ones still pop up and and I can struggle everyday.

I also don't tell people I had the surgery - at first I had no problem loudly proclaiming it but now it's just "I lost a lot of weight." Especially in the community of athletes that I now hang with - when I'm with them I feel like an athlete, not a former fat girl, and I hate to remember what it use to be like. So no one knows about my surgery. And I like it that way.

Keeping motivated is tough - I've gained about 25 back and I'm still trying to work through some of my food issues. I try to remind myself of how good it felt to run and bike at a much lower weight, or to fit into my size 10 jeans, but that doesn't seem to work. And part of me would just like to forget that I am a survivor of obesity - I sometimes just want to be like everyone else. But I know there are some deep seated issues that are causing this and so I don't think it's all the newness having worn off - it's also me dealing with issues I didn't even know were there until recently. Despite all my work before I am still finding things that have surprised me. I guess it is just never ending.

So yeah, I understand what you are saying - I've been thinking about it a lot this past summer. Things are just different and sometimes that's tough to deal with. Don't know how much I can help but I will say this - I am fighting with all my heart to continue to be an obesity survivor, despite days where I feel like I can't fight anymore, I just keep at it. I can't imagine doing anything else.

Big hugs