Anger Issues
I think it is a control issue for Jarid. Interesting story about Lesley. Jarid is walking the same road. What is it with these kids that seem to have absolutely NO sense of personal responsibility? I know they have had overly permissive parenting - that was the first thing I saw and have struggled to change. But as previous posters have said, I need Clay's support but don't get it.
I think that is largely due to 2 factors.
(1) Clay has issues with rejection. He retreats in a shell when someone yells. Jarid knows this and uses it.
(2) Asperger's is thought to be genetic. I know that Clay shares many characteristics with Jarid, but to a much less pronounced degree. Because he identifies with Jarid, when Jarid and I disagree, Clay sometimes takes Jarid's side in a knee-jerk way. Thinks I am way too hard on the "boy" because some of the behaviors I am trying to change are similar to ones Clay has, but to a lesser degree.
My parents were also very strict, so I suppose I tend to be as well. When Jarid finally completed a load of laundry and showered on Sunday, Clay's feeling was 2 outta 3 ain't bad. My feeling was that it was not done "correctly" or in a timely way, so Jarid needed some constructive criticism. He does not accept feedback well, in fact denies reality.
As Jen recommended, I need to focus on behaviors I have a chance of changing - mine.
Clay and I both want him to live outside out home. The focus has been first on getting him some sort of employment so he has his own resources. I did successfully file for him to get SSDI, but it is not much $. But if we can get him into a group home or section 8 housing, maybe that should be the focus, not a job.
We do have a lot to talking to do.
Thanks to everyone for listening to me whine.
I think that is largely due to 2 factors.
(1) Clay has issues with rejection. He retreats in a shell when someone yells. Jarid knows this and uses it.
(2) Asperger's is thought to be genetic. I know that Clay shares many characteristics with Jarid, but to a much less pronounced degree. Because he identifies with Jarid, when Jarid and I disagree, Clay sometimes takes Jarid's side in a knee-jerk way. Thinks I am way too hard on the "boy" because some of the behaviors I am trying to change are similar to ones Clay has, but to a lesser degree.
My parents were also very strict, so I suppose I tend to be as well. When Jarid finally completed a load of laundry and showered on Sunday, Clay's feeling was 2 outta 3 ain't bad. My feeling was that it was not done "correctly" or in a timely way, so Jarid needed some constructive criticism. He does not accept feedback well, in fact denies reality.
As Jen recommended, I need to focus on behaviors I have a chance of changing - mine.
Clay and I both want him to live outside out home. The focus has been first on getting him some sort of employment so he has his own resources. I did successfully file for him to get SSDI, but it is not much $. But if we can get him into a group home or section 8 housing, maybe that should be the focus, not a job.
We do have a lot to talking to do.
Thanks to everyone for listening to me whine.
Patty
Im sorry you are having this problem , but i agree with the others vent away thats what we are here for.
I have not had the hygiene issue.except my youngest will take a shower and put his dirty clothes back on(yuck),,
So he is being tested for all kinds of stuff he is starting to have problems at school to..
My punishment to him is your not going with me looking like that and after getting left out its working,how bought taking away the internet will that work?
I wish you luck and lots of huggs..
Im sorry you are having this problem , but i agree with the others vent away thats what we are here for.
I have not had the hygiene issue.except my youngest will take a shower and put his dirty clothes back on(yuck),,
So he is being tested for all kinds of stuff he is starting to have problems at school to..
My punishment to him is your not going with me looking like that and after getting left out its working,how bought taking away the internet will that work?
I wish you luck and lots of huggs..
Yes, taking away the internet is probably going to happen soon. It's not going to be pretty. All the smart guys at work tell me I can configure the router to limit access from his computer, then password protect mine and Clay's.
We probably won't do it right away, though. Jarid has a final work experience scheduled soon - there's some meeting on Monday. If we pull his internet right now, he'll go into the work situation all upset. I really do want him to succeed this time and not give him a reason to blame us if he does fail.
When I married Clay we had no idea the magnitude of Jarid's issues, and we went through the testing routines too. I hope your son's problems are easily resolved. It sounds like you are taking positive steps to help him get back on track. Hang in there.
We probably won't do it right away, though. Jarid has a final work experience scheduled soon - there's some meeting on Monday. If we pull his internet right now, he'll go into the work situation all upset. I really do want him to succeed this time and not give him a reason to blame us if he does fail.
When I married Clay we had no idea the magnitude of Jarid's issues, and we went through the testing routines too. I hope your son's problems are easily resolved. It sounds like you are taking positive steps to help him get back on track. Hang in there.
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