Are You More Outspoken Now?

Hi All,  I'm in my monthly stall...still sitting at 94 - 95 lbs lost.  Seems I lose weight right after my period, then I'll lose a few more here and there and STOPPPPPPP for a week or so.  Then I start all over again.  Oh well. Just wondering if you all have noticed a change in attitude since your surgery.  I don't know how to explain it, but I have become more outspoken or I'm not as willing to just let things slide when people say stupid/hurtful/ignorant things to me.  For example: Emily (my dd) and I were late dropping her off at school last week.  So in a rush to get her signed-in and off to class, I parked my car behind some other cars right outside the office door.  We jumped out and I was signing Emily in.  A man came in with his child - they were late too.  The director of operations happens to come through the office and the man says to her, "Do you think you can do anything about the people who just park their cars in the drive through?" The director doesn't say anything.  He then turns to his child (8-9 years old or so) and says, "Well, people who do that just aren't nice people."  I'm standing there and I say, "Oh I wouldn't say that I'm not a nice person - I'd agree with selfish, but I wouldn't go as far as saying I'm not nice."  The guy was just flabbergasted...stammering and such.  I said, "Thanks for pointing it out to me and thanks for parking your car the way I should have parked mine." And I walked out, had a great day. The old me would have slinked out of there, ashamed of myself and building a huge resentment about how dare he think I'm not a nice person - how dare he, etc. I work as a Family Law Paralegal.  We work with divorcing people 24/7.  I hear their tales of woe, hear the stories of betrayal, hurt and broken trust.  It's much like living in a bad romance novel.  I used to be very patient about listening, empathizing with them, offering support and suggestions.  For the most part, I still do - however, I find my patience running very thin for those who want to get on their pity-pot and be the victim.  I have backed a few clients up basically telling them that they need to wake up, smell the coffee and get on with their lives - they need a dose of reality that their lives are changing and its up to then to make those changes and the changes can be for the better or for the worse.  It's up to them. I find myself being able to identify feelings more now.  The other night I was mad about the sausage my husband bought.  I was mad.  I wasn't mad at him.  I was just mad.  I knew it wasn't a huge deal, but I knew I was mad and I needed to acknowledge I was mad about it.  So I was mad - then I got over it and moved on to a great evening with my family.  I felt great!!   It's like when I let myself feel the feelings, don't make a judgment about if what I'm feeling is right/wrong, should I feel this, shouldn't I feel that and just go through the feeling, it all works out and I generally forget about the whole situation.  I spent way too many years trying to make sure everyone was happy and keeping my feelings in check (i.e. stuffing them and who me? I'm not mad...) that I literally forgot how to feel anything other than shame, guilt, resentment and seething anger that boiled just beneath the surface 24/7. Ok...just think I had my own little therapy session here.  Thanks for listening! Jana

It is interesting to my that you should pose this question because I am already bold and brazen and a crazy cajun.  I have learned the art of filtering what I am going to say, but just because I filter does not mean I refrain.  And I wonder too how will this change, if it changes at all?!!?  hmmmm  A friend of mine often says to me, "girl the world is barely ready for you now - just wait until you have the self-confidence that goes along with a healthy body!"   I sure don't know what the future holds but I am excited to find out. And a bid ol' CONGRATULATIONS to you for finding your "voice" and having the courage to use it.  Keep it up!! 

Jana....first off...congrats on your awesome numbers!!  You are doing great!!  I have an easy going nature and I have always let many things roll off me, so I don't know if I will be any different. Rather, I have found that I have more patience and understanding after what I have gone through.  I guess where I am the most outspoken is when someone comments negatively about WLS....I defend it to the hilt!  Whta bugs me most is people commenting on something they know NOTHING about and prejudging heavy people.  When it comes to that...I will ALWAYS have a big mouth!  LOL  HUGS

Big time YES!! I told a friend before my surgery that I wasn't going to be so 'nice' anymore. (for me that meant I wasn't going to let people get away with crap the way I did before). And sure enough, it is true - I was outspoken before but only in safe environments. Now I don't let anything phase me, I have no problem telling people if they bother me, etc. I think the gain in confidence has a lot to do with it - before I always had that fear that if I said anything they would come back with fat comments. Actually, that did happen quite a few times and it made me extremely cautious. No more though - I don't care what they think of me! So yeah, I can relate, big time.

I'm friendlier now.  I've always been quiet and standoffish, but I make innocuous small talk much more now.  As far as being outspoken, not yet.  I am learning to speak up when someone close to me says something or does something that bothers me, instead of holding it in, but I wouldn't say for the general public that I am more outspoken.  I am possibly less sure of myself actually.

Jana, Congrats on your weightloss so far!! You are doing awesome!! I can so relate to this topic! I used to be a doormat & while I am still not the most brazen of folks I do stand up for myself more than ever!! Like when I was younger & knew that I didn't have to take that crap from people!!! I am trying very hard to keep that under control, though!! I saw a friend become a total b*tch after her surgery & I think it's taken her a yr to mellow out & realize she was alienating a lot of friends & coworkers!!! I don't want to be that different of a person personality-wise I just want to be the same confident, outgoing person I once was!!! I had a friend tell me that I was vivacious again!! Who me???? I don't think I've ever heard anyone use that word to describe me beofre but I'll take it!!! Cece

HEY JANA,         YOUR POST PERKED UP MY EARS AND MADE ME LOOK AT WHAT YOU WROTE LOL... I HAVE TO SAY THAT NOT ONLY WLS BUT AGE ALSO MAKES ME MORE ... .UMMM SHOULD WE SAY *****Y? WELL MAYBE NOT THAT BAD BUT I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN TOLD AND TAUGHT THAT YOU NEVER TREAT OTHERS EXCEPT THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE TREATED AND MOSTLY HAVE TO SAY LIVE BY THAT BUT AS I GET OLDER EITHER THERE ARE MORE IDIOTS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD OR IM JUST GETTING OLD AND GROUCHY LOL.... I IN NO WAY TOLERATE PEOPLE THE WAY I USED TO.... MY TWIN WAS ALWAYS THE OPEN TALKING ONE AND I WAS THE MEALY MOUTH ONE IN THE CORNER TAKING IT.... WELL NOT NO MORE... I HAVE BECOME VERY<<< OUTSPOKEN WHEN IT COMES TO THINGS THAT REALLY MATTER TO ME WHERE I USED TO JUST KEEP MY OPINION TO MYSELF... AND YOU FIND THAT YOU DONT HAVE TO TAKE CRAP AS YOU GET OLDER AND TOTALLY DONT SEEM TO BOTHER TELLING YOUR FEELINGS.... SO I CHALK MY WAYS UP TO HALF AGE AND HALF WLS LOL... HUGS MARGE