Is it ever enough

I went over my aunts house the other day and she hasn't seen me in about 3 months. Anyway, she asked me how much more weight I plan on losing. I told her my surgeons goal is 170 for my height and frame which means I need to lose 12 more lbs. She said she thought I looked good at this weight. I want to get down to the 170. I am going to get down to the 170. However, when I think about it, I don't think that will be good enough for me. I don't think 12 lbs will make that much of a difference and I want to see difference. I think 20 more lbs would be better. but when I get their will that be enough....Back to my question, especially for those post-op a year or more.  Is it ever enough? If you have reached your goal, are you trying to maintain or lose more? and why?  

greetings i know what you mean...i'm having those same thoughts myself. my surgeon's goal for me was 210. i never thought that was low enough. so i've been telling myself that i wanted to reach the normal bmi range - which the top of normal for my height is 174. i've finally made it...i weigh 173...and now i'm thinking -- 160 -- i think i'd like to weigh 160. and if i get to 160, will i start thinking - 150?? people are telling me i'm thin enough, but i don't think so. it's very confusing, and i'm sure i've been no help to you -- except to tell you i have the same questions. take care. deb

I think my problem is what I see in the mirror when I am naked. I see all that skin and I think I need to lose more. I am still fat. Has the fear of being fat outweighed being healthy? Maybe what I really need is PS or a PSY....

I'm so far out from my goal right now, I don't know how to answer.  I just laugh when i think about my surgeon's goal of 135 for me.  Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. It's all about how you feel about your body and yourself.  Who cares about a number?

Tricie, I so know what you mean! I had those feelings before and had a long heart to heart with my Dr and husband at my 18 month check-up. My surgeon's goal for me was to never see the number 2 as the first number in my weight. He never gave me a number to aim for other than that, he said he felt I would be a huge success if I made that goal. I decided I should weight 150, sounded good and it's what I was aiming for. At my 18 month check-up the DR asked if I was happy in general with all I had lost. I was, but hubby told her I had this 150 number stuck in my head. She had a long talk with me and said it was good to aim for but she didn't want me getting discouraged if it didn't happen. She suggested I rethink my goal. She also felt that if I decided to do plastics I would probably loose another 10-15 pounds there. My body has decided for me it likes this weight, and I too must admit I don't mind it at all. I guess I've realized it's not all about the numbers for me. It's more about being healthy and happy with myself and my new lifestyle.

Boy, you and I have been thinking about the same things, Tricie.  My surgeon never gave me a specific goal, but for a long time now I've thought that I'd like to get to 170 before plastics.  Based on my 5'7" height, that seemed reasonable and doable.  But my body really seems to like where I'm at, which is between 185-190 depending on the day.  I keep debating with myself about whether I should focus on continuing to lose, which can be frustrating because it's so slow now, or if I should start shifting my thinking to maintenance mode.  I keep vascillating back and forth between "lose more" and "maintain".....   For me, I think part of the issue is that I've needed to lose weight for something like 30+ years now.  So it's hard to shift my thinking to maintenance mode.  Plus, there's part of me that would like to be a "normal" weight.  But perhaps I'm not meant to be the world's definition of "normal."   And like you, I'm carting around a bunch of excess skin, so I still have those belly rolls, saggy thighs, and flabby arms.  I think that makes me still feel like I'm fat because my shape is the same as it always was, even though everything is much smaller now.  I wonder how/if this will change when I'm able to have plastics and get rid of the excess skin.  I hardly recognize myself in the mirror now; I can't imagine what it will be like to look in the mirror post-plastics.   Anyway, I look forward to seeing other folks' responses to your post, since this has been on my mind as well... Kellie

I have lost 145 pounds over the last 13 months. I started at 390 and am at 245. This isn't "it" for me - or at least I won't let it be. BUT I have to say I don't really think my quality of life is going to get better being at 200 pounds, or my ultimate goal of 180. I do A LOT of physical things and the only thing that's going to tag along with a lower scale readout is a smaller pant size. Haven't been in an 18/20 since early high school so I will take it for now! I'm happy (for the most part) and trying to live in the moment - and to me THAT is very important. Numbers can become insane. I had a friend who would have taken 180 (started in the 330's) and ended up getting to 135. NOW NOTHING is acceptable above 135. It's sad. She would have accepted the size 10 she never thought she'd get into and now if she retains water and her size 4's don't fit she meltsdown. It's really hard to watch. And with the bounceback that is bound to happen post malabsorbtive procedure it's really hard to watch someone not prepared themselves for it - because I have a theory the **** will hit the fan when it happens. Sigh. I don't need or want people in my life who can't accept what cards they're dealt (and I have a lot of days I can't stand myself for this reason too....) So do you really think 20 pounds will complete you? How? Why? What more will you accomplish? What more will you do? What will it give you? What will it prevent from taking away? These are questions to ask yourself because although you don't want to setlle, you also don't want to go off the obsessive deep end. Good luck to you. Jenny

How do you prepare yourself for the unforseen? I can trully, trully relate to your friend. It has nothing to do with not being prepared. I researched this procedure for 2 years prior. I went to several seminars and read all I could read. Asked questions...everything. Saying to someone who is 15 months post-op that they were not prepared because mentally they are not as comfortable(for lack of a better word)as you are with the changes that are occuring, is unfair. That would be like telling a mother who just loss her only child that she should have been prepared. Their is no way you can totally prepare for all the changes that come with WLS. NO WAY!!!!  Honestly, I really don't think that 20 lbs will be enough. I don't know what is and I don't know why I feel that way. I know that I don't ever want to go back to where I came from. I am almost 5'8 so I don't know if being a size 4 would be good for me. However, I am a size 12 and I think quite often about a size 8. I weigh myself several times a day. I think now mentally I have traded the witch for the devil. Now I don't care what others think of me, it is what I think of myself that is driving me crazy.  I don't compare myself to other as much as I compare myself to the last size, last cracker, last weigh in.  i guess what has happened in my mind is what should have happen. Food use to be my friend. Now that it can't be, it has to be the opposite which is my enemy. When you love something as much as I love food, it can't ride the fence. If I allow that to happen, then I will weigh 362 or more...again.   Congratulation on your 145 lbs!!!!!

Thank you so much for responding. You made me think about some things.

    

I apologize if my post hurt your feelings. I'm puzzled by your first paragraph but I might just not be reading it right. I wasn't calling you on the carpet or anything - just sharing my take on the journey which is the feedback in which I thought you had asked for. I personally have lived for 20 years (and I'm only 30) with multiple eating disorders, primarily anorexia and bulimia - something that will follow my until the day I draw my last breath. I am certainly not a know-it-all when it comes to healthy eating or living in the moment but I think I've earned some stripes with the numerous hospitilizations and treatments I have had received to try to recover. I am not recovered but recovering every single day so it's definately a very hard battle. I guess for me one thing about being prepared for everything is to be ready for all hell to break lose along with all the good things. WHAT IF you regained? WHAT IF you gained back 50 pounds? Is it the end of the road? I don't think so. I'm not saying regain isn't traumatic. I'm not saying that it's terrifying to even consider it. But if you look at the statistics of post malabsorbtive procedures there is ALWAYS bounceback regain - something like 20 pounds. It breaks my heart when I see people get so upset about this because they signed up for permanent weight loss - how is regain EVEN possible? Well, we lose some of the malabsorbtion so we start absorbing more calories. Simple enough. But how many posts do you read where people literally want to kill themselves because they've gained weight? It's so sad. Or have a VERY risky revision because they think what they have doesn't work anymore. Sheesh. I don't know about you but I know I still have restriciton and don't see it going anywhere anytime soon. Can I eat more then a month out? Oh yeah. Do I follow the cardinal rules to be successful? You betcha. Do I screw up? More often then I'd like. But for me it's about screwing up and getting back on the horse instead of beating myself up because I made a mistake - and luckily THAT is something my eating disorders have assisted me in my WLS journey since I have learned not to live with such extremes. Black and white thinking with NO GRAY can be a very scary place. I lived there too many years to ever want to go back. Do I have my days where no gray would benefit my head? Oh yeah. But it's with a transparent frame of mind that makes me  thoughfully look at MY actions that keeps me in check.  So again, if I offended you I apologize. But like I said in my original post that although I am not ecstatic about being 245 pounds, I'm not entirely sure 200 or 180 is going to make my quality of life any better. I can run after my kid, I can wash dishes without resting, I can play and skip, and move and breathe and live. What's another 65 pounds going to give me but a smaller pant size? I might sound lackadaisical in my approach to my journey but it's what works for me. Just wanted to share my .02 cents to the question you proposed.  Jenny

You make a lot of very valid points.  I do want to chime in here.  Losing more weight does improve your quality of life.  You have even more energy and you feel and move better.  It also further increases your health.  I am talking up to a point here in my experience.  MY BMI is 30.  I feel the difference from when my BMI was 35.  Having reconstructive surgery sure helps too if it is available.  I know what it feels like to finally be rid of the "fat shape."  It's a certain freedom not to lift my skin  to bath or to get comfortable in bed.  I still do double takes in surprise in my more mirrored bathroom. I would like to lose more weight for my health and my appearance.  I have weighed 20 less and I know that would be enough and I also know I can and will live with the jiggle in my arms and thighs.  Loris