over 400 lb spouse, new have q's

I had surgery on 12/18/07 weighing 491. It went fine and I am doing well.  Having said that, I was only 29 and had no serious health problems.  Had I had out of control diabetes or uncontrolled hypertension, my surgeon may have not done my surgery.   I know you want to help your husband, but he has to some to this on his own.  If he is "sneaking" food when you are asleep, etc then that indicates he is not ready to have the surgery.  Obviously, everyone slips up sometimes and will eat stuff they aren't supposed to, but if he is doing it a lot that is a sign that the surgery should be postponed.  It sounds like he feels like he has to hide from you, which may mean that he feels nagged or judged by you.  Maybe some couples counseling would be good.

Ive never told anyone how much i weighed but to help you im gonna I weighed 506. when i had the surgery i had lost 30 pounds to have the surgery. My sugar ac1 was running 12.6 after losing the 30lbs my aci was 7.5.now after the surgery no insulin and only metaformin my sugar is 99. i had a rny on 2/18/08 and as of today have lost 76pds. i had asthma,diabetes,sleep apnea,arthritis, and neropathy. i couldnt walk 2ft without being short of breath. now im not perfect but its the best decision i ever made. i wish you alot of luck in your decsions

WOW, thank you so much for sharing that all with me. what a nice and brave thing to do.  it helps tremendously to know someone else has been thru this.  it gives me hope for him.  i want him around for our 50th anniversary, we have been married only 5 yrs!   i realize it is his decision, in fact i was against it until i saw how much he wanted to have this done.  he has food issues that only he can solve... he made great emotional  progress last week when he spent a week in san fransisco with his mom (classic stereotype mom of food solves everything) AND realized where some of it comes from. he spent the day on the phone today trying to track down his medical records from the now "missing" dr.  and he found another willing to take him on! a highly recommended one at that, one people on the board have used.  he also spoke to the insurance company about the missing dr and the new one.  all seems to be hopeful, but i guess we will find out on may1st! now if we can alleviate some of our outside stress....... that will make it more peaceful here and give him a chance to do this. best of luck to u and please keep in touch.

It is so nice to see that you are concerned for your hubby & want to support him.  As everyone else has said, you can only support him if he wants to move ahead with losing  weight. 

I found this decision to be the hardest one of all, but also the best thing I have done for MYSELF.  Your hubby can do it for you, but he will be more determined if he does it for himself.  When I saw the scale at 402, I could NOT believe my eyes and I decided that was it, I was going to do something once & for all. 

I have sleep apnea, am diabetic, strong family history of heart disease, knee problems (one total replacement), ankle pain, etc. etc. etc.  I am only 44 & have four sons ages 16-24. I want to be around for awhile to enjoy them, hopefully enjoy grandchildren & to enjoy my husband of 25 years! I deserve it.... My husband struggles with his weight, he loves to cook, buys the groceries.   He still brings home ice cream, makes muffins, cheese cake all the stuff I love, except chocolate.(LOL)  At first I was upset & could not believe he would do that...then I realized that this is my new life & every day is about choices. These foods will always be around & I will always be tempted.  I try to tell myself when I am tempted that "NOTHING TASTES AS GOOD AS BEING THIN FEELS".  I will likely never be thin, but just as important...nothing tastes as good as being healthy feels!  I am hoping that my life changes will inspire my hubby to make changes in his eating habits too. Realistically, he has to do it on his own.  Just as I make my choices on my own.   I find the most support I find is on this website & specifically on this forum.  This is a place where you gain friends, not weight.  People who have been in the same boat that you are....and have succeeded or on the way to succeed.  These folks are my BIGGEST INSPIRATION (I love you guys, you keep me going).   Please continue to support him, he really wants you to, but don't pressure him because it will probably just backfire.  Continue to eat wisely & keep healthy food on hand.  If he is cheating after you go to bed, it is probably because he doesn't want to let you down.  Take it from someone who has been there - you hate to fail in front of your loved ones.   Sorry to ramble, but I was compelled to respond.  Thanks for loving him & caring!  We all need that.

At my fattest, I weighed close to 600 lbs.  I almost died from being so fat due to undiagnosed sleep apnea, which put me into congestive heart failure.  I spent four weeks in the hospital and three months in a rehab facility before I was well enough to move to CO to live with family.  I was homebound.  I couldn't walk more than a few feet.  I was on supplemental oxygen.  Due to my size, my lymphatic system was screwed up and I had repeated outbreaks of cellulitis that would put me in the hospital for three or four days each time, plus weeks on IV antibiotics. I started pursuring WLS here in CO, and my recorded weight on my first meeting with the WLS department was 530 lbs.  The surgeon (HMO) would not operate on me at that weight, telling me I'd have complications and die if he operated on me at that size.  I appreciated his candor and trusted his skills and knowledge.  Working with my WLS dept at my HMO, I did a modified Optifast plan (1100 calories/day) and lost 123 lbs prior to my surgery date.  I now weigh 222 lb. and hope to continue losing. For me, Optifast was a good way to lose weight because it forced me to develop the discipline I needed as a WLS post-op patient.  And at 1100 calories a day, and each packet being 110 calories, I was eating every two hours just like a newborn.  I never felt hungry. Any exercise he can manage, even if it's done while sitting, will help him burn calories.  The fatter we are, the harder it is for us to move and thus we don't burn calories.  Also, remind him that men lose weight quicker than women, so if he can commit to an eating program to lose the 40 lbs, it ought to come off quickly.  Heck, the first week I was on Optifast, I lost 25 lbs.  Most of it was water weight, but my first 50 lbs came off within four or five weeks. I'm not sure Optifast is an option for diabetics, but there must be another program (Medifast, maybe) or something diabetic-friendly.  I recommend he meet with a nutritionist who is knowledgable in both the needs of diabetic clients and those who have had WLS. I was extremely fat for many years, and I discovered the hard way that the abuse your body takes from being so fat might be OK in your 30s, but you can't sustain it in your 40s without serious consequences. We are eager to welcome him to the Losers" Bench! Kix

i will definately let him know your experience.  it must be like a whole new life for u. thank you for sharing it. i am amazed at all these stories.  his diabetes nutritionist had recommended a shake to help him, but then his surgeon nutritionist said not to, but take a different one. i am hoping new doctor will straighten out what we should be doing for him.   he has gained probably 100 pounds in the 8 yrs we hve been together.  he was once a record setting swimmer but his health has deteriorated, his interest level in anything has declined.  soon the pool will be back open and he will go out and float around in it yet  his records from 20 yrs ago still stand.  i hope that he will show some interest in that at least..  he refuses an anti depressant when he is clearly depressed.  i know he has to want to change his life and i dont nag (ever) but i am so worried about him.   this board has allowed me to express my concerns and find answers with out nagging or annoying ..... thank you all,

oh no i dont think you are being insensitive, i agree with you.  he is an emotional eater and a stress eater.    we have nothing but stress and emotions  with 2 teen drama queens and an awful ex (mine) who interferes as often as possible, and a very bad real estate market.  he has been to therapy to help deal with the stresses of our lives and we are currently in family therapy now.  we have spent $10,000 on lawyers in the last yr fighting my ex's attempt to take my children from me.  (that would be after cps had the ex founded on child abuse charges of hurting my daughters) .  multiple false cps charges filed against us, to the point where the workers would laugh when they read the reports to us.  actual "fake cps workers" showed up after a while at our house.  i gather when the real cps stopped coming.... the ex sent fake ones.   there are lots more stories and probably some i have forgotten.... so yes our stress levels are very high here.  and comfort food  is plentyful....and easy to make. maybe i will start a book about domestic torture....could be my summer project, maybe a doctoral  theses.....

 HI I live in Canada I was contacted by a hospital in detroit Mi Iam not sure where u live  Henrey ford is one  and There are a couple of hospital that deal with people of 700 pounds  go on the internet . hope u find something if u live in canada Toronto has ahumber regional finch site Iam 450 and will be having surgery in aug Their out there Take care