Thinking thinking thinking

I posted a response on that thread basically saying I guess she'd hate me because I still shop at Lane Bryant and Catherines when I need slacks.  I received a response today stating that I should READ the entire post before I go off on someone, and that the WLS journey isn't easy.  Well, now that's a news bulletin.  I thought it was a walk in the park.    I also didn't think I'd "gone off" on her, but I guess she's feeling a bit savaged by the responses. I gave this topic some more thought last night, and determined I don't hate fat people.  Like others who have posted here, I go out of my way to be kind of large folks.  The last time I was at the casino, I was riding the shuttle bus from one casino town to the next (it's only a mile, but there are no sidewalks on the road connecting the two towns so it's not a safe walk) and I heard an elderly couple commenting on someone's size.  I leaned over and looked out their window, and it was an SMO woman walking with a cane.  They weren't commenting rudely, they were sympathizing with her difficulty in getting around, saying, "It must be hard to walk with such a big belly."  I told them I used to be much larger than she, and they were gobsmacked.  I told them a condensed version of my story, hoping they would understand just how difficult it is to be SMO. There is one sticking point for me.  I come from large people, there isn't a petite person in the bunch, thanks to the two fat Danes back in our genealogy who got together and started this branch of the family tree.  When I was at my fattest (and was just beginning to be affected by sleep apnea, although I didn't know it then), my nieces decided to have an "intervention" to tell me I needed to get my act together or else.  Well, my health tanked, my life tanked, and I eventually did get my act together, thanks to WLS.  Now, one of my nieces is extremely SMO (she's almost as big as I was), and is starting to exhibit some of the things I did when I was SMO (ordering groceries in, sitting all the time, etc.).  I've held my tongue, but I still feel resentment over that intervention years later.  I would never do that to anyone -- how someone lives their life is not my business.  I certainly don't have the answers to life and would not presume that I know best.  My sister (their mother) had a "chat" with her about her size, and it hurt my niece's feelings greatly.  I told my sister not to do it, but when I heard the results of the conversation, I have to admit that I thought "Ha ha, not so nice when the shoe's on the other foot, is it?"  and "Karma's a ***** isn't it?"  I feel ashamed having those thoughts, as we are supposed to love our family unconditionally.  Moral of the story?  I guess I'm only human. I'm glad we are having this discussion.  I think as former SMOs, we are less apt to loathe other SMOs because we remember every day how hard life was when we were the size of circus animals.  Having walked in those shoes, I would never knowingly be rude or hurtful to another SMO.  Obesity is a disease, much like alcoholism, and I worry every day that it will rear it's ugly head once again.   Kix

Being one of the shortest ones out here, I took the time to read the postings and it brought out a lot of negative feelings and prejudice that I've suffered.  I didn't let my weight stop me from accomplishing anything that I wanted (someone posted except for sitting in a booth at a restaurant).  I spoke in front of groups of people, I do PR for the theatre that I work for, I am outspoken at church and I did draw attention to myself. However, I was victim of prejudice in job interviews, being ignored in stores, negative comments from teen boys, etc.  Wondering if I would fit in the booth at a restaurant, not being able to fasten my seatbelt in my own car ( ! ), not being able to ride rides at amusement parks were things that I had on my mind at all times. I can remember going to New Orleans about 2 months before surgery and the pain from walking was unbearable and I got into a fight with my husband and lost it emotionally on the streets of New Orleans.  Coming to the realization that I couldn't even walk two blocks without pain because I had eaten myself to this size was really cathartic for me.  Fast forward 7  months from then and we recently came back from New Orleans and we walked all over the place!  I reminded my husband about that night and he said it really opened his eyes to the pain that I lived with every day. We do somehow build this cocoon around ourselves when we are SMO.  It's our protection.  Whether we use humor directed at ourselves or don't leave our house unless we have to, we all protected ourselves at that weight.  Now, as the weight drops off we are more vulnerable to the feelings that we failed to deal with when we were SMO.  At least I am more vulnerable.  I am open to looking at the reasons why I would eat an entire sleeve or Oreos and then a half a bag of doritos right after that.  Now I can't do that and I've had to find other ways to deal with stress.  Now I exercise.  I take stress out on the elliptical or the weights that I am doing.  Not that everything is all hunkey-dorey.  I still battle with the urge to put that last bite in my mouth (thinking I can do it).  I do it, and then realize immediately "what am I doing?" and it spit it into the napkin.  I do it at least 4-5 times a week. So while the original posting on the RNY board (which got pretty tough) opened some discussion.  A lot of people really opened up to how they felt about the post and how they feel about their journey with WLS and that was really helpful to see where people are.