Things you should not say to a WLS patient

My 7 month anniversary thread brought to mind some of the weirder compliments I've gotten.  You know the ones, where you smile at the time but then you start thinking, what the hell?  What did you mean by that?  Should I be pleased or insulted?  My most recent one was "Wow, you look great.  Its already a BIG improvement!"  - ummm thanks?  Another pet peeve is any of the variety of "your husband better watch out" comments.  First of all it implies that no one wanted me before when I was fat.  Then it also implies that I only stayed with hubby because that's all I could get.  Then it implies that I can find someone better than him now that I am thinner.  And it also implies that our relationship is so weak that I'd be looking for someone else.  Apparently we must have both settled As Jan mentioned in my other thread, then you end up doing a lot of damage control because your husband is unduly worried about other people moving in on you, and that you might be looking for someone else.  I love my husband.  We have our problems, but none of them are related to weight, mine or his or anything.  If anything I should be the one worried, he prefers fat women, will I still be attractive to him?  But instead he's got his feathers ruffled from comments like that.  Lets see, I've also gotten "You're looking better, you'll look really good when you lose all your weight" - ok seriously, were these people trained for passive-aggressiveness from my father in law?  Just say congratulations or something like that - or don't say anything at all.  I don't need to hear it anyway,  my success is not based on how many compliments I get or whether or not you approve of how I look now.  I KNOW generally people are just stupid about what they say, and I may be too sensitive to what they are saying, but grrrrrrrrrr.  Has this happened to you?  What is the most obnoxious backhanded compliment/insult you've had? 

Not really compliments or insults but things I hate to hear - "Should you be eating that?"  or "you can't have that!"  - I really hate those! Don't be my food police, my grouchy pouchy is good enough at it thank you very much!

I haven't had MUCH food police, but I would be bugged by it from anyone except my hubby.  When he says something its because he's seen me sick and doesn't want to see it again.  Its no one else's business.  I have had food police on past diets and definitely didn't appreciate it.

OMG can I ever relate to this one!  Example....I saw my parents today for the first time since Christmas.  My father starts out by saying...lift up your shirt & show me your belly...is that "pouch" gone (referring to my fat "apron")  I just laughed it off but my heart sank because all I really wanted to hear was hey honey you look great!  He had to tell DH that he used to be able to fit both hands around my waist!  C'mon Daddy...I will never be like an 8 yr old again!  My mother stated " Guess you're not gonna lose it in the boobs, huh?"  Now these are parents we are talking about...not casual friends.  I refuse to focus on their lack of sensitivity, but rather smile to myself  silently claiming victory for my weight loss so far. I totally agree with the comments reflecting the possibility of others now capable of stealing me away from DH...NO WAY!  My man deserves the new me...he has loved me in all sizes and he will get the prize...him & him alone.  No one else is worthy.  Basically people can be ignorant and not everyone has a silver tongue....they say things that come out wrong (I've done that myself before) so all we can do is consider the source and feel the pride we deserve from our accomplishments.  You are awesome Jen..you have come too far to let anyone else dampen your spirit.  HUGS  Jeanine

Wow - I'm sure you look forward to those visits! 

My Dad is the salt of the earth...you have to know him to understand him...he's forever trying to be the comic. He has a heart of gold and is the best father a girl could ever ask for.  My mother is the cynical type ..she can't help herself. But you're right...I don't always look forward to visits there.  But they are both going on 83 so I accept them as they are.   HUGS  Jeanine

Nope, I took it exactly how you meant it.  I will have to deal with it.  Don't worry and don't apologize. 

Saturday night at a  Dinner a friend of ours said (Jerry and I were both sitting there) "wow jerry you better get that leash" I said are you implying i'm a dog he said "not any more" What do you say to that?  I know this guy,  he didn't mean to say anything bad he didn't realize what he said and he would never intentionaly hurt me or make jerry feel uncomfortable, however for the rest of the night he did say lots of perverted thngs he never would have said before.  My Dh is very very jealous and has come right out and said that he is pretty sure i'm leaving, When I get mad because he acts like that he says "i'm just joking" but I'm sure alot of it is because the way other people act. Mostly I tell him that I don't want to train someone else lol  I don't think its going to change and i'm not sure why people say the things they do except i'm very guilty of open mouth insert foot myself!!! Family ****** me off more than random people though , My brother said nothing after not seeing me for about 4 months . finaly i said don't i look different he said " you cheated i'm not telling you look good its obvious your smaller but you still cheated"  I pretty much hate everyone lol  Estelle

Wow, my husband is not a violent man but I think he would have slugged someone if they said that to me.  OMG!  I would have walked out, so-called friend or not!  That's horrid. Its sounds like you are in a similar boat with Jerry to mine with Ryan.  He isn't saying I'm going to leave him, but he's mopey and depressed and admits that a lot of it has to do with worrying about what's going to happen to us.  In some ways this journey has strengthened us, and in other ways it makes me very uneasy about my marriage.  I do think we talk about things more than we used to, which I think is good.   As for family, they are such a pain sometimes.  I'm fairly lucky, but my aunt (the only skinny person on that side of the family btw) thinks I took the easy way out.  Her husband needs and wants surgery, and she is dead against it because he should be able to lose it on his own.  Give me a break, he's tried for 20 years now.  His health is very poor, he needs a quick fix if she wants another 20 years with him, and me having surgery has caused issues in their marriage.