Feeling Like a Failure

I woke up this morning feeling like a failure.  My weight keeps hopscotching back and forth (gaining and losing the same ten pounds), which is frustrating when my goal is almost within reach.  I have not had much success finding a job that is worthy of my abilities and pays a living wage.  Mostly, I feel like a car whose tires are spinning in the sand. Maybe it's not failure I'm feeling so much, rather, I'm just dissatisfied where things are at the present time. Or, it could just be the onset of PMS.  I don't know. I'll probably wallow for a bit and then snap out of it.  Thanks for listening! Kix

Girl, that's sounds like a lot of PMS hormones and a little bit of just not being where you want to be just yet.  Having just (hopefully) survived a killer case of PMS, I know of what I speak.  But I understand the feeling of going as fast as you can, but not getting anywhere....  It's like the movie Groundhog Day without the happy Hollywood ending.... Sometimes a good wallow in our misery is just what the doctor ordered.  Because when you're done wallowing, you'll look up, realize that things really are much better than they seemed when you are actively wallowing, and you'll work on your plan of attack to conquer some more demons!!!!   When you are ready to be focused, you'll lose that last 40 pounds so your insurance will cover some plastics.  It's hard to really good all the time, always doing the right thing -- eating WLS-healthy, exercise, drinking lots of fluids, etc.  I figure I'm lucky if I have one good week every month, when I've got the time, energy and dedication to do everything right.  The other 3 weeks, I just do the best I can and keep muddling along.   As far as the job, that's a tough one.  It's hard to re-enter the work force and have your first job be something you love.  Plus, the economy sucks right now, so the job market isn't that hot for anyone.  Have you thought about doing some volunteer work in your area of specialization?  That would get you back into the field, you'd be helping out some folks that need it, plus it might open some doors for you that would otherwise be closed.  Just a thought...   Another thought on the job front - are there any refresher type courses you could take?  I must confess that I'm not particularly familiar with your area of specialization, so am not sure whether that's something that may be helpful.  But it would put you in touch with other similarly situated folks, and perhaps provide some other networking opportunities.   A huge {{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}} to you.  Please don't beat up on our Kix too badly - we love her and we need her around -  Kellie

Change is hard. You arejust emerging from a huge change in your body. It sounds like your dissatisfaction is rearing up because you need a change in your living arrangement / employment, but are just warming up to the idea. Listen to that internal voice. Maybe it is saying, OK girl, the body thing is going well, let's take another step to the New Kix.

What line of work are you interested in? I recall you saying that you used to be a Fed, but there's lots of varieties of Federales. My Oregon state agency specializes in various types on consumer protection, and we always seem to have openings - but then again, maybe the $$ aren't enough to attract qualified folks. I do know that we are having trouble finding qualified IT folks...

Hey Kix, I want you to know whenever I look at your posts I don't not see a failure. I see SUCCESS!!!! You are just having a bad day. If you can loose over 300 lbs thats not a failure. As far as the job market goes. We are just in poor economic times. This will pass and you will find something worth your while. Just think if you still weighed over 500 lbs how hard it would be to find a job. I know I weighed 468 and I saw how people looked at me when I showed up on interviews.  Your definately not a failure to me.  I'll be praying for you.

I totally agree. You are an inspiration to me as well. Hang in there, kiddo.

"Hang in there kiddo"... that's what my mom always says when we were/are having an especially hard time. Kix... I agree with Tommi... I do not think of anything but success with you. You are truly an inspiration to many. It stinks to be down... but, you're allowed...and it's good once in a while. Just don't let it go too far....  Sometimes when I'm down & out... after I allow myself to wallow, it helps for me to focus on what I have accomplished, and the many blessings in my life.... I can always rely on knowing I have family (as disfunctional as they may be, they're mine) As for the job... hang in there... something is bound to come along... you are an intelligent, educated, and highly motivated woman... you've proved that already for sure. I hope you're down period is short lived. I'm thinking about you & sending some positive energy your way. I do hope the weather starts to turn for you soon, I know we've had a pretty harsh winter & it's really taking it's toll on me lately.... Hang in there kiddo. Valerie  

hey kix! please get a grip on those negative feelings. you are NOT any kind of failure. i think you are inspirational! i understand the dissatisfaction with finding a job...i've worked for the same company for 30 years and am no longer happy with my situation here...but i think i'm too afraid to make a change. i know that spinning in the sand feeling! hang in there, and try to remember all the wonders of the last couple years. you are great! deb

I love ya hon Just wanted you to know

Everybody feels like a failure sometimes, and you already said a week or two ago that you are too hard on yourself.  Yep. I hope the funk passes soon!  Looking for jobs, ugh.  Maybe you'll have to take something with lower pay than you'd like just to get back in to the market?  Hugs, Jenn

I could not figure why I was so emotional latley and that PMS is a killer. But Kix really you are so NOT a failure. I look forword to every post because the life experiance that you share the life that you  led the things you have accomplished Heck the weight you have lost if you are a failure what does that make me???? I think that your wonderful well rounded past is only the begining and more chapter of the life of super kix is still to be written. However like it was said earlier everyone needs a down day. but just remeber that a heck of a lot of people on the board would be happy to accomplish a tenth of what you have done you are one of my hero's Diana