The funniest thing happened to me yesterday

When my husband dropped me off at work I was walking in next to a guy I know - he's the secretary/coordinator for the program that gives me funding - so I have seen him and talked to him in meetings many times each year for the 3.5 years I've been funded.  We were walking along making small talk and I was really chatty and cheery because I think he's a nice guy.. and I *sort* of got the flirt vibe off of him.  We got in to the elevator and he asked me what class I was going to, or did I work at the university?  I realized he had NO IDEA who I was.  I said "Actually, I get paid by your program - I'm a PhD student, remember?"  There are only maybe 8 PhDs in the program, and only two are white and female - the other one is maybe 120 lbs.... It shouldn't have been too hard to narrow it down.  He looked at me for a minute and said "Jennifer Neary, right?"  I said yep, and he said "Oh my god!  You look amazing!"  He was so embarrassed that he didn't know who I was.  I think the last time he saw me was a meeting in Oct.  I realized he probably thought I WAS flirting, because I was chatting him up and being all friendly and he thought I was a stranger, whereas if I didn't know him there's no way I would have been so friendly.  Too funny. 

didnt that feel amazing made your day id be walkin on air

It did make my day - well it made for a happy few hours, then I forgot all about it until I mentioned it to my husband a little while ago.  I'd meant to post it on here last night but I've had so much going on it just slipped my mind.

I am happy for you that you got that feeling of being desirable....we actually talked about that at the support group meeting I attended last night.  They were talking about changes in relationships when the woman has surgery and beings to dress differently, wear some makeup and maybe a new hairstyle...gets flirted with etc. Spouses get jealous and insecurities flare.  I hope you reassured your DH...because our men will all feel a little threatened by the changes in us. As we lose the weight, we will change not only physically, but in our mannerisms and personality to be more self assured, maybe more outgoing and downright sexy.  I am VERY happily married but if I get flirted with one day soon....it'll be a first in MANY MANY years and darn it...it WILL feel good!  Regardless of our age or size....we all want to feel desirable I think.  Bravo to you Dunny!  HUGS  Jeanine

Yeah, my husband and I have talked about that.  He is the jealous and insecure type, and it does worry him sometimes, but I make sure to reassure him if he just lets me know.  I've always been reserved with people but very self-assured.  I don't think that's changed, and I don't know if I'll be more outgoing.  Honestly, I don't like many people I meet, maybe I'm a snob, but I just don't really have much to say to most people, and I doubt that will change.  I have, very rarely, been flirted with over the past few years at my heaviest.  When I was around the weight I am again now (college) I was actually flirted with fairly regularly, and I've even been flirted with in front of my husband (by a waiter who my husband kept saying was looking down my shirt every time he walked by lol and recently by the slightly mentally deficient fellow who was taking our movie tickets, oy).  He takes it ok, but he is jealous and will admit it, although he also admits it kind of pleases him to know he got me and that person didn't *smirk* - men are weird.   We will see how it all goes, but I do understand what a spouse may go through, and was also warned by my therapist about it during the pre-op interview. I don't mind at all if someone wants to flirt but I would never let it go any farther.

Hell, nobody flirts with me, but I did enjoy not being recognized by former colleagues when I went to Oakland a few weeks ago to attend a friend's retirement party. I told you you were smokin' hawt, and it looks like I'm right!  Kix

Good for you, Jen - what a fun feeling.  I think it's common for spouses/partners/significant others to be jealous and worried as we lose weight and become more attractive.  My girlfried was absolutely convinced that I was "...going to get skinny and leave her."  (Real quote!!!)  I explained that we've been together for 13+ years, we've loved each other through thick and thin, fat and fatter, and that losing weight was not going to change how I felt about her!  I might look different on the outside, but I'm still me, me, me on the inside!  She and I eventually moved past that issue just by talking about it -  Enjoy the flirt vibe when it shows up again the next time :-) Kellie

It sounds like you guys have a great relationship.  I know all kinds of crazy things can change in relationships as you lose weight.  Friendships can end (I am seeing a little of that, but thankfully she is not a super-close friend), friends and family can react with jealousy or negativity.  I can understand that, because I felt it somewhat when the only other person I'd ever met who was as big as me, a biology student from my master's years, had surgery I was a little jealous.  I was very happy for her, especially since her life was truly in jeopardy.  I was very proud of her, because she had taken very poor care of herself before and now she was getting healthy, regulating her diabetes, quitting smoking, etc.  But a little teeny tiny part of me resented seeing her shrink while I kept expanding.  I also resented being left alone again as "the fattest person," where before I'd finally had company.  I am sort of a jealous spouse - I didn't really know that about me until my husband started working with all women and texting them all the time and talking about them all the time.  It came to a head a month ago when our phone bill was super high because he'd exceeded his texting limit by 300 texts!  We talked about it and he put himself in my place and agreed he'd have a problem too.  I am not unhappy that he doesn't see all of those women every day now, although I will be sad if he and his closer friends move apart now that he works somewhere else.  Plus, he was getting so wrapped up in catty female dramas that it was kind of killing his masculinity for me, haha.

what a great story! that had to have been a fun experience! deb

Wow what a pick me up for you..no pun intended.But that is just so wonderful.