Bad Habits Resurface
Well I guess the "honeymoon phase" is over...I'm almost 2 months post-op and during this time I have felt euphoria of ongoing weight loss and feeling invincible. Truth is...as many of you much further out know...the fat girl is ALWAYS lurking like the devil itself...waiting to sabotage all your efforts. I am sharing this so the newbies and the lurkers understand that this is not an easy fix for cravings or slips. I honestly feel that my food addiction (yes thats what it really is) will be with me forever. This week I discovered how easily "Jax" (cheese curls) melt in your mouth and can be easily swallowed. At first I only ate maybe 3 or 4 of them, then next I knew I put about 10 in a dish and a few days later my dish contained about twice that amount. Whoaaaaaaaaaaaa...stop right there. I put the rest of the bag in the sink and doused it with water. Damn Christmas...I will not bring those into the house again! Crackers are going down way too easily also. Wheat Thins are becoming a nice little TV at night snack....even though I'm only having about 10 little squares. I don't trust myself to keep it at 10. The way I see it....food has controlled me all my adult life...maybe even longer as I recall stealing change out of my mom's purse to buy bags full of penny candy. Shame on me! I have to work very hard at making ME in control of the food. I learned some time ago that your thoughts control your feelings. My thoughts are that I WILL get to goal and NEVER go back to 284 lbs. How do I know this? Cuz I'm the boss this time! I have to get angry at food. Its not my friend, its my enemy. It has crippled me all my life and I won't stand for it any longer! We have more power over ourselves than we realize. Its a conscious choice. I read other posts where you all dream of one thing or another. Don't let food rob you of your dreams any more. We have all suffered enough. Reality is....its only a moment on the lips...and a lifetime on the hips. LOL I'm not preaching here, because God knows I am human with weakness. I only share my feelings in hopes of helping myself and others like me. HUGS to all! Jeanine
This is a very timely post. I was reading another WLS blog and the person posted about how some folks who had WLS have gained back all their weight.
This terrifies me. I don't want to weigh over 500 lbs again. I don't want to weigh 400, or 300, or even 200 lbs.
The answer? Being vigilant without developing a food disorder and not obsessing about it at the expense of everything else in life. Remember the basics: protein, water, and plenty of exercise. It's a fine line, sort of like walking on a tightrope.
I'm thinking about going to OA to work on the emotional food issues that are beginning to percolate in my head again. Need to nip them in the bud now.
As I said in an earlier post, anyone who says WLS is the easy way out should be dipped in au jus and fed to wild animals.
Thanks for posting this, Jeanine. It helped me a lot this morning.
Kix
You are so welcome. I hope to help many others with my experience. I find myself looking at the MANY severely overweight people in public and my heart goes out to them. NO ONE wants to be fat..it just happens. You helped me with your idea about OA meetings. I just may try that too! I went there years ago and it did help some. I wonder how WLS folks would be accepted there...would we be branded as having taken the "easy way out"??? I would like to think not. Peace and blessings to everyone who struggles. HUGS Jeanine
It seems like everytime they have one I am busy the before surgery ones were hard to go to because i was driving to schenectady already so much that getting out to do that too was hard! I want to start going and Ann sends me the info when they have them. Do you go? I would love to go with someone. Dr Lirio did retire I was his last surgery and I am very glad that he did mine. the pouch is very similiar one major difference is the ring around the stoma that prevents it from stretching in most cases. Also Dr Lirio stitches rather than staples so I have no internal staples all stiches because my surgery was done open. also my surgery took about 6 hours. this surgery was first done by Dr Fobi it is very similiar to the RNY. I work in Queensbury so I figured on the next support group i would just stay at work and go from there. Are you going to go?
E
I keep saying I need to go, but excuses take over LOL. I'm just beat in the evenings by 7pm I can't seem to get into gear...maybe some time next month..how does that sound? Maybe you could come to my house & I could drive us both there??? Hey that ring thingy that prevents stretching sounds like a great thing....why don't they do that to all of us??? Have you had any obstructions or complications? Jeanine
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