Big Girl Panties

Hello Smores,     I saw that saying the other day and had to smile. "Put your big girl panties on and deal with it". What happens when you dont want to ????  I need a good kick in the pants (big girl or otherwise).   I'm trying to minimize my situation. Yes, my husband is leaving for a year. Yes, he will be in danger. Yes, all the kids are gone and I'm alone. (unless you count a 78 year old mom, a 76 year old aunt, and a 75 year old mother in law, 2 big fat dogs and 5 kitties.) But I have you guys and I've been through this 2 times before.  Then why am  I am freaking out.?I HATE HATE HATE changes. I would rather be miserable and not change than change. Its the only security (however false it is) that I have. OMGODDESS!!!! Do we ever get over our childhoods? I'm looking for a new therapist........but my sisters advice is the more I think or talk about it the more it will bother me. Maybe it is the time in my life to just grin and bear it. Maybe thats how to be strong?  Any replies are greatly appreciated and  thank you in advance for being here. willbycrazysoon

I don't think we ever do get over childhood - something will happen to me and I revert back to being a 6 year old, pouting and everything! As for the therapist, I can see your sisters point. However (and this is coming from someone who has spent years on the couch!) there is a difference between a good therapist and a "friend" type of therapist. I had the friend type for many years and he did help, but I changed to another who completely rocked my world. I talked, yes, but it was very pro-active and it was all with the purpose of figuring out how to move on. She worked my butt off! There's a big difference in the two and I saw  big improvement after just a few months. I would recommend you at least try a different one that is very work oriented and give it a couple of months. I tell ya, it's great seeing you back! Big Hugs Pam

Boy, girlfriend, you are super-resistant to change!  Here's links to a few online articles about dealing with change:   http://www.health.com/health/article/0,23414,1136617,00.html http://www.ext.colostate.edu/pubs/columncc/cc96102a.html http://www.impactfactory.com/gate/change_management_skills_t raining/fungate_1649-1103-80564.html http://learntomanage.blogspot.com/2005/08/random-tips-for-de aling-with-change.html Understand that by not choosing to change, you are, in fact, making a choice to continue living your life as it is.  Do you really want to choose to be miserable?  I doubt it or you wouldn't be here looking for support.  I say choose to be happy, or at least happier, and that's going to require some changes.  It may just be changing how you think about things, but that's a pretty big change in and of itself... I leave you with my favorite saying, which has guided me many, many times... God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.   {{{{{hugs}}}}} and lots of courage - Kellie

I think a good therapist who uses cognitive-behavioral methods could help you.  Instead of dwelling on the negatives, CBT helps you identify thoughts and behaviors that are blocking you from your happiest self.  I've experienced very positive changes in the way I think and behave after a few months of CBT. One book about the approach is "Feeling Good" by David Burns.  When I first read it, I knew this approach would help me break away from thoughts and behavior that were keeping me unhappy.  Not to mention that I find it easier to identify the things I can change and let go of the things I can't, now. Hope that helps - good luck!  Alyson

the benefit of therapy is that you talk about the issues, process them, and MOVE ON.  cognitive behavioral therapy is great for helping you catch thinking patterns that set you up to be unsuccessful.  i'd highly recommend it...along with solution-focused therapy. your childhood will be with you; you can't really get away from it.  it does sound, though, like you're getting ready to stop its influence.  it's worth it. crazy's not all it's cracked up to be.  () toni

((((Wilby)))), If I was next to you I'd give you a big hug. Life can be so stressfull at times, can't it? I don't like changes much either but we sometimes don't have a choice. All we can really do is have emotional support from friends and love ones to help us through it. I'm here for you. Cindy