First major food meltdown since surgery

Well, I told myself fast food would only be a last resort, and that I'd NEVER use a drive thru again, but somehow I ended up in one today.  All the old demons reared their ugly heads.  I went to Taco Bell and ordered the number 8 - 3 crispy tacos and a tea.. 3 of them, like I can really eat 3 crispy tacos.  Demon number 1. Demon number 2 - I pulled in to another parking lot to secretly eat them.. total food addict behavior I haven't done in months..  Also I paid with cash so husband wouldn't know about it... nice. Demon number 3 - I inhaled that first taco like it was going to fly away or something.. not smart.  Needless to say I felt horrible!!  I went home, threw the other two tacos away, and ended up throwing the first one back up.  I'm not sure what set me off or what on earth I was thinking.  I wasn't thinking, it was like automated behavior, but I feel like a moron.   Thank goodness my pouch reminded me that I can't get away with these behaviors anymore.  I wasn't even hungry either... ugh. 

Well, like they say, they don't do the surgery on our heads!! I think it is just a matter of time till this happens to all of us. Sooner or later something is going to set us on the pathway that in the past ended with our particular food demon behavior. It is why we had wls isn't it. Statistics say that for the SSMO only 2% are ever able to keep off the weight they have lost hence the need for wls of some kind. Jenn, all you did was act like 98% of the SSMO people in the world. Based on these stats what you did for whatever reason was totally normal and expected. And the fact that it was without thinking is par for the course as well. I was never able to identify the reasons I fell off a "diet" in the past. So I would not be surprised to find myself trying to fall off my wls now without being to identify why it happened. I think your last line says it all-"Thank goodness my pouch reminded me that I can't get away with these behaviors anymore." Rather then beat yourself up about this for one second more, I would instead be congratulating myself in having been smart enough and know myself well enough to pursue wls. So girl turn that 'ugh' into a 'hug' for yourself and here is a big one from me HUG as well.

Thanks for the hug Jo - I am not exactly beating myself up, it was just sort of a wake up call about how truly ingrained all of these bad behaviors are.  You can't let your guard down at all... I appreciate you taking the time to write out such a wonderful and comforting response. 

My pleasure.

Hugs to both of you!! I had surgery on january 7th, 2005 and I can tell you both I had several breakdowns at first. Then a sweet friend of mine called me and said I will get to eat again normally and will feel great again very soon and low and behold she was right. I started out at 372 and now weigh 189. I feel great and can now enjoy life again. I am fixing to have a panniculectomy ( skin and fat removal )done on december 10th. I want to wish the both of you continued success on this wonderful journey. {{{{ HUGS }}}

What a great success story you have!! CONGRATS!  My surgery was 11/13/07. Other than a few minor complications which have been resolved, I am doing OK.  I fear when my "cravings" tempt me to test the waters, but for now, since my daughter has been thru this and I see how she eats today and maintains her weight, I know I will be able to eat more interesting things one day again. Thanks for your inspiration!

Maybe I am dumb but what is wrong with 1 taco ?? Our nutrionists even have them on the diet list. maybe Taco bell isn't the greatest although I have had 1 taco there 2 times in the past 14 months. Limiting foods is what it is all about too. I also get a Wendy's chili once in a while and have gotten there Asian salad. I do not use all the dressing. Have gotten salads at Burger king especially their grilled chicken salad. Same as I do not use all the dressings. I usually can just eat chicken and the veggies., and some of the lettuce. BUT you have to learn control NOT to try to eat the no no's. Pam

Oh there is nothing wrong with one taco. It was the whole binge behavior and the hiding my eating thing that bothered me.  If I hadn't had surgery it wouldn't have been one taco.  I don't think there is anything wrong with a small amount of fast food once in a while, if its not fried especially.  It was the entire incident that bothered me, not the taco.  It only bothered me physically because I ate it in 2-3 huge bites and didn't chew like I should have. 

Your post really got me thinking - I have done this before as well. The drive-thru grab and eat in the car. I got accustomed to doing it when travelling for work - I figured it was better than eating and driving.

But I don't travel for work any more. I do occasionally drive through and eat in the car if I am out doing errands and haven't eaten for a while. In those cases I ge****er and a grilled chicken or chicken salad. The reason I'm in the car is to save on walking.

But I also have to admit that I've done it secretly as well the times I wanted a binge.

Sorry that I have no suggestions for you, but I thank you for getting me to think of better ways to react when I have this impulse myself.

Dunny,

You are doing so well and will continue to do so.  Why do we resort to the old behaviours, I don't know and if I did and knew how to fix it I would be rich.  Keep moving forward. 

Jeanne