Feeling Down After Sleep Study

I know I'm not the only one who has had to bear the humiliation of being hooked up to a million wires and monitored while sleeping, but I'd like to hear from you who have been diagnosed with sleep apnea and how you endure that awful mask thing.  I had apnea 11 yrs. ago and I slept with the C-pap. I cried alot because I felt like a damn alien next to my husband. We had to make sure we got in all our "pillow talk" and good night kisses before I donned my freak mask. I swore I would never wear that again after I lost 50 lbs and the apnea went away. Well guess what...  I know I have to do it to be healthy and its a hoop I have to jump thru for the surgery, but I can't help but feel awful, like a combination of being a failure and like its punishment for my food over indulgence over the years.  I would really appreciate other viewpoints who have had to wear this apparatus and share my feelings.  Thanks!

My mom and my 15 y/o brother, neither of whom is particularly overweight (brother is chubby) both have sleep apnea and so do I.  Honestly, I'm not very good about wearing the mask.  I usually don't wear it the full night, but try to get 4-5 hours or so.  It is not attractive, it is embarrassing, but I try to just remember that its important.  I also feel better in the morning if I use it.  I just can't sleep with it all night (my face goes numb, under my nose mainly).  We get our pillow talk and everything else out of the way before I put it on, and once I put it on and take a few deep breaths my body relaxes and I am asleep.  Its part of my bedtime pattern, which is nice because I've never been good at falling asleep easily.  My brain is too busy.  Don't think of it as a freak mask.  Try to notice in the morning how much more rested and energetic you feel.  I hate my mask, but I try to see the positive side of it, even though it does embarrass me too.  My husband just wants me to be healthy and sleep well, and he even tried it too, just to see how it feels for me.  I hope you come to terms with it soon, and good luck with all those hoops you are jumping through! Jenn

Thanks Jenn....you are lucky to have a hubby who is understanding like mine. He is my rock and has loved me regardless of weight, looks, mask or no mask and like yours, just wants whats going to keep me with him longer.  I appreciate your feedback.  Do you believe you won't need it one day?  I am surprised to hear you say you have relatives (not heavy) who need it. I always thought is was totally weight related as the weight bears against the cartilage in the windpipe.  For me, it doesn't help to have the enormous boobs LOL.  I rarely lie on my back because of that.  Anyhow...its sweet of you to take the time to reply and make me feel better.  Thank you so much.

Apnea is frequently weight related, but not always.  It just seems to run in my family, I have a very thin cousin that just started using a mask also.  For that reason, I don't really know if I'll ever be able to go without it.  Once I am stabilized at whatever weight I will have another sleep test to see if I can get rid of it.  I will also have a sleep test if/when I get pregnant I think, because the apnea seems to be worse in my family when a person is pregnant, and you already feel like crap, so why make it worse?  I do like that the mask allows me to sleep on my back, which I didn't for years before. 

I am going to try to have positive thoughts on this.  I didn't need it before when I lost 50 lbs, so hopefully it is weight related for me.  My daughter Karyn...some of you may remember her from these boards ..doesn't need it anymore either.  SHe called me Sunday to share with me that she reached her goal. Her surgery was 1/06.  She was 315 lbs and is now 135!!  She is truly an inspiration to me. DIdn't realize you were wanting to get pregnant dunny...hope this all works out for you and all your dreams come to fruition.  Hugs

Aawwwwwwwwww thanks Julie!  You've got me crying & laughing at the same time. Tears for your wish to hug me (back atcha with that one!) and laughing at your  quote about condiments! LMAO. You are right about the emotional roller coaster. I get mad at myself for being such a baby about this, but I am trying to stay focused on the real issues and yes, I must allow myself to grieve. Only a fellow fatty would understand that. Thank you so much.  You are right...the mask symbolizes failure, but using it will symbolize achievement in getting over the past and working toward the brighter future. Thanks for putting that into perspective for me!  You gals are the greatest! 

You know, my dad died, in part because of his longstanding sleep apnea that he didn't get treated until about 20 years after it was apparent.  I was mad at him for a looooooong time for not going to the doctor and for not wearing the stuff when he got it. So when it became apparent I have to sleep with the CPAP, I did!  And I am single and hoping someday to have some romance in my life.  In spite of my size, I've not lacked for men interested in getting me to the bedroom, but the CPAP is one of those things that stops me.  It's just not sexy. But then a friend of mine met a really great guy.  He kept not making passes at her and would only kiss her and she started to feel like she was a freak cause she didn't seem to "do it" for him.  Finally one day she had the "so, do you like me or not?" conversation with him.  He adored her, but he was embarassed to admit he has a CPAP that he needs to sleep with (like me, the way I feel the day after, it's just not worth contemplating skipping a night).  She told him that the CPAP is a helluva lot sexier than dead.   Something to ponder.   Just like we are looking at wls and other means to improve out health, the CPAP is there to improve our health.  As you lose weight you won't need it.  It's just what is, not a value judgment on you.  As hard as it is for us to accept that about the machine, it really isn't about us .. but about better health in the long haul FOR us. Sending you big hugs! Janice

Thank you Janice for your reply. I need to hear things like this.  Its all me...whats in MY head, because I have the greatest, most supportive and loving DH anyone could ask for.  He and my daughter have been after me for over a year to look into the apnea and I have been in denial. Shame on me! I'm sorry you had to lose your Dad to stubbornness.  I appreciate your support and wisdom.  Hugs back!