Interview

I went to my bariatric surgeon's office today to be interviewed as a "success" story for their newsletter. It was nice seeing everyone; they made a fuss over me and I got to give my surgeon a hug.  They took my picture to update my file, and then I had my interview. The interview itself went perfectly well, I don't think I came across as a pompous azz (or at least no more than normal!).  I signed a release and then went home.  I was there about an hour. As I was driving home, I had an almost overwhelming feeling of sadness.  I sort of feel like I "outed" myself as a (formerly) fat person.  It's not like I didn't know I was fat before (at 500+ lbs, I knew I was fat), but by telling my story and allowing my story to be published in their newsletter (and perhaps on their website as well), I am finally stepping up and acknowledging that I was a fat person.  Since there's still a great deal of shame in our society around being fat, I guess I'm feeling some of that residual shame today. I know we don't do shame here, but I needed to share that I feel ashamed today about having been so fat in the past, and how I almost allowed my fat to kill me.  Tomorrow, I'll be back to my non-ashamed self. Kix

i understand what you're saying, kix...i feel the shame too. i believe the thing to do is to focus on the pride we can now feel for getting a handle on our situations. it took me 50 years to do it, but hey, better late than never. i congratulate you on your success. feel good about it! deb

Kix, First of all congratulations on the news article.  You should be on nationwide as what you did was a major accomplishment.  As far as being ashamed, I think that being in the "late summer" of our lives, we start to think about what we have done with our lives.  I remember you revealed a little about your past and how much traveling you have done in your career. You are a true pioneer and hero.  When ever I start to feel myself slip I use you as my inspiration.  Now shame time is over, let's work on getting your story on Good Morning America. Glad you enjoyed the interview.  You deserve every moment of your fame. Best wishes. Jeanne

Hugs    I know the feeling well...

Kix, I totally get it too...I still at this point after losing 280lbs, will not tell people(except you guys) how much I weighed or how much I have loss. Everyone is always asking me. But I am soooo ashamed of how far I let myself go. My husband knows, but thats it..not even my mother. I am not sure if I can ever get pass that. Congrats on being able to do it...I wish I could read the article.. You will have to post the web address when its up. Lynn

I completely understand.   I've always known I was a fat person, but admitting out loud didn't come until maybe a year ago.  Before that I wouldn't acknowledge it, and anyone who commented or anything, even gently, left me mortified.  I am ashamed that I've never (before) been able to control that aspect of my life, when it comes so easily to people around me.  You are awesome (in case I haven't told you enough).  Congratulations on doing such an amazing job! 

" I am ashamed that I've never (before) been able to control that aspect of my life, when it comes so easily to people around me.  " Hello, I wanted to comment on your quote.  I have a sister who was always skinny.  She now has an extra 50 that she struggles with.  To look at her you would think, oh she is fine but she struggles every day.  She is 62 years old and still goes to Weigh****chers, etc.  She is probably typical of all the "NORMAL" people out there.  It is not an easy task.  There are so many distractions in our everyday life.  I think we all feel that it is a part of life that we failed at but I think it is a struggle for more people than we know.  YOU are also awesome.  You are well on to your way to be successful.   This message board is a God sent to me as the group here really understands the struggle in our journey.   Jeanne

Kix, I hope I can say what I feel and not hurt anyone. I always knew I was a fat person. I weighed 200 lbs in 6 th grade and even though yes I made bad choices I NEVER ate like a dozen doughnuts or enormous amounts of food. I just kept gaining over the years and finally last year Feb 2006 I weighed 470. lbs. I do not think it is that we "allow" are selves to be fat. I think it is how are body dealt with what we did eat. Why else is there all the people we all know that can eat so many"Bad" things and never get fat. It has to be our own bodies individual way we metabolize our food. Thats why I think the surgeries help us all because it changes how are bodies can use the food we do eat. Like I said I know I made bad choices but 200 lbs in 6th grade and I never was a weird enormous eater means something else was wrong not just me allowing my fat. So maybe we are all not to "blame" 100% anyway for our past body sizes. Hope I explained myself. And Kix I do understand what your saying but think you are too hard on yourself. :0)

I was in the same boat, I didn't start overeating until I moved in with my future husband.  Then the weight came on faster, but I'd always been fat.  I don't know my weight, but I was my current height and moving in to plus size clothes by sixth grade too.  I remember shopping in my first plus size store in 7th grade. 

Kix I am so proud of you to tell your story. It is an important one that needs to be told. But hard as it is we must let go of the shame. I too was soooo much heavier then everyone else early on that the fat was always there as a part of me before I even knew to fight agaist it. Now that we have come to find a surgical solution to help our bodies I plan on being no more ashamed of being fat then I am of the fact that I bit my nails when I was younger!!