Telling family that I am going to have WLS

As I get closer to being approved for WLS, I am also getting closer to having to tell my mom and sister that I am going to have WLS.  My friends, dad, stepmother and coworkers all already know, but I have not told my mom or sister and don't plan to tell them until after I have a surgery date scheduled.  My relationship with my mom is difficult--I often feel judged and critiqued by her--also she has made several negative comments about WLS in the past when talking about a friend of hers that had it.  I don't plan on actually telling my sister--my mom will run (not walk--literally RUN) to the phone to tell my sister after I tell my mom, so I am not worried about that.  I don't want to be at my mom's or have her at my house when I tell her because I need an established time frame and when we visit each other there rarely is so I was thinking about telling her over a meal at a restaurant, but then I face the obstacle of being critiqued on what I am eating.   Any advice on how to tell her, where to tell her, etc would be SO greatly appreciated!  How do I bring the subject up?  What do I say when she asks why I didn't tell her sooner and when she asks if Dad knew before her?  HELP!

Maddie, This is your time and you have to bask in the glow of all the good things that are going to happen.  Your mom is your mom.  Tell her and then move on with your life.  I know that is easier said than done but this a new journey for you and you need to be first.  I don't know how old you are but no matter a mother will always be just that a mother.  She doesn't have the power to make you feel anyway that you don't want to feel  Remember that.  That is your power and you choose who if anyone to give it to.   WLS is a tough journey and one that is only beginning when the surgeon puts down the scapel.  Make telling your mom the first step in being the you that you want to be.  Remember she only has the power that you give to her. Good luck, my friend. Jeanne

Jeanne is more eloquent than I, but I couldn't agree more.  You aren't doing this for anyone but yourself (I hope) and as much as critical family is a pain in the butt, you have the choice to listen or not.  I would tell her you have made an important decision and want to let her know.  Don't say "I want to talk to you about something" or anything in that manner, because it invites commentary, like you are asking for their opinion.  Just inform her that an important date is coming up in your life, you will be having WLS on ... and hope she can be there to visit you when you are healing.  That's what I'd do anyway.  Most of my family was overwhelmingly positive, but one aunt was critical (not unexpected) and she grilled me about my reasons for having it.  Like duh, you've seen that I've been hugely fatter than everyone else my whole life, isn't that pretty self-explanatory?  But anyway, I told her my reasons, which were very thought out.  I feel like I'm not really living life, I'm just sitting on the sidelines as an observer of other people's fun.  I want to have healthy pregnancies and happy kids whose mother isn't constantly exhausted.  I want to get the best job I can (and face it, skinny people get better jobs).  Most of my job options will involve somewhat frequent travel, and I want to travel for fun as well, but its almost impossible at this weight.  I could go on.  A long time.  I didn't tell her my reasons until she asked though, and wouldn't have volunteered them otherwise.  Once I did, she saw that it wasn't a rash decision, it wasn't about vanity, and that I probably would be a lot better off and a lot happier if I was smaller.  And its obvious diets haven't worked, I've been on them since I was a kid.  You only have one life and you've got to make the best of it.  Being happy is the most important part of that.  Why be sad and in pain for the rest of your life when there is a way out?   My aunt still hasn't been exactly supportive, but she did at least shut up.  Best Wishes,  Jenn

Hi Maddie, I am 52 with 5 kids and STILL worry about telling my mom stuff.  It's so weird - my kids think I'm nuts about that.  Anyway, a couple of Sundays ago I was sitting on their dock watching my kids swimming in their lake.  I so love to swim, but won't at this size.  I just picked myself up, went up to the house and said, "Mom, I've been thinking about WLS for around a year now.  I think I'm ready to seriously consider it."  I thought she'd freak but she was happy.  I told her I was so unhappy and uncomfortable with the weight and she really understood.  My dad just worries about his baby girl, but will still support me.  But I just blurted it out.  The fact that I told her I researched it and considered it for a year probably helped. Good Luck. Lori

Hi Maddie, I couldn't help but respond to your post.  I would sit Mom down over a cup of coffee like at Starbucks or whatever and act excited about "news" that you have.  This will be life changing for you...you are an adult and no longer need her approval.  I know we always want that approval, but try & focus on the fact that you ARE doing this regardless of her negativity.  If she asks why...simply because you want to be healthy and conventional diets dont work for you.  Bring the subject up by telling her you've been interested in something and have spent the past several months researching it.  If she wants to know if Dad knew first, be honest & if she asks why, again be honest & tell her because you felt he would be more accepting of your decision and that you hope she will be also.  Good Luck!