I need to fess up...

I've become really emotional, and none of my usual coping skills are working. It's been going on for too long. I am still losing weight, I see the surgeon again in a few weeks and my surgery is scheduled for September. But I seem to be focused on re-considering whether I should have surgery. Here's what I keep worrying about, so if any of you can identify, if you have advice, please, please, help me out. 1) I am going into this alone. Literally, the surgery and coming home. My support system is too far away and will be by phone except for my local professionals. I'm afraid I can't handle it, even though I have done almost everything difficult alone my whole life and survived. 2) I have never thought this surgery would do anything other than give me my mobility back, which became an issue over the past few years, and get rid of some of the physical pain I have. I know it will also restore my health, but this was secondary for me. Helping my self-esteem wasn't an issue because I know I am who I am no matter what size I am. I felt the same way about myself when I was 200lbs smaller and 20 years younger (yeah, it's sad). So I don't expect to be "someone else" because of the surgery. So I keep thinking I am going backwards (size-wise) for nothing, so why bother? And after the surgery I won't even be able to get comfort from my good pal, food. I know I am missing some logic here, but I can't find it for anything. Help??? -J

I too had to go this "alone."  I had a friend from out of state with me for one day post-surgery and that was it.  You will be able to do it based on what you say about your past experiences.  They say the best way to judge future action is by past action.  If you've gotten through most of your difficult experiences alone in the past, you'll be able to do this too.  But be sure to make good use of your local support group and professionals.  They want to see you successfu..  As I tell my students about making use of tutors and other support services--make them earn their keep!  They are paid to be there for you. I am one of those who had the opposite problem of anorexics--I never saw myself as fat as I was.  I knew I would never be thin, so I focused on developing me --the internal person.  So I don't feel like a different person at all.  I'm still me, good and bad.  I'm thinner, look better, and yes, can actually get around without hurting.  I do sometimes still eat due to emotions rather than need, but it is more controllable.   So has it been worth it?  A hundred times yes.  It has allowed me to be me with less fear (can I fit in that chair? can I stand long enough? what will become of me when I'm old? what happens if I'm in an accident?) and more me in the eyes of others.  After all, we are social creatures and our appearance can limit how others percieve us.  I have more opportunities now, so my choices aren't limited by my size.  Before I might choose not to travel if it required flying.  Now the choice is mine, not my weight's.   I still enjoy my food.  I use good ingredients and fun recipes.  Is it the same?  No.  Sometimes eating is a chore.  I still go out to eat with friends but just pay more attention to them than to the meal.  My BMI was over 66.  I was reaching a point where I understood why people lost hope and just went to bed and never got out again.  My concern for you not doing this is if you don't, will you continue to gain weight until things are even worse?   There will be tough times ahead, but it really is worth it. Sally 398/162/170

excellent comment from sally above, i'm basically echoing her thoughts. i had an open rny alone. i drove myself to the hospital - 2 hours away. a neighbor and her son came and retrieved me and my car when i was released, and dropped me at home alone. my bmi at time of surgery was 66.4. it was difficult, but with a bmi of 66.4, everything was difficult. (oh, a couple other background facts about me: i'm 50 years old, and i was self-pay for my surgery) but it was worth it. i don't feel that "i'm someone else" now, i'm still me. but now i can do things that i always wanted to do -- i might have said or pretended i didn't want to go to the mall or ride a bike, but i really did -- and now i can. i can run up the stairs in my home as often as i want -- i don't have to let stuff pile up on the stairs-you know, consolidate and make fewer stair trips. i can mow my grass without taking several breaks. i don' t have to wonder - if i fall -- who's going to get me up? i don't have to buy two seats on airplanes, or endure the hostility of other travelers who don't want to sit near me. i don' t have to buy clothes that are incredibly expensive in 6X...i can go to walmart and buy a shirt for just a few bucks if i want. losing 278 lbs. has made me free to be me. for me, that freedom has been well worth the fear, pain and expense. maybe it wouldn't be worth it to you -- only you can decide that. i wish you all the best, and good luck to you! deb

you are not alone in this, we are all here for you.  We are as close as a mouse click.  Have you checked into local support groups.  Connecting there you might find a friend who can check in on you.  Or you can even ask for an angel from your area.  Again we are all here for you. KIm

I have a good support system BUT really some of it you are alone in your thinking and coping . All I can tell you is I started the program at 470 lbs Feb 2006. I lost around 15 lbs on my own and I had open rny on Sept 26 2006. At that time I used a "big" wheel chair and could hardly walk and huffed and gasped for air when I did. I was sure at that weight and age (59) I would die on the table. I left it in God's hands and I figured with all my med's high BP, thyroid trouble, my age and weight I would not be here long with out the surgery either !!! I had NO problems at all and came home 3 days later. I am very appreciative and thankful I had no complications as many do. I no longer use a wheel chair, I have lost 155 lbs and loving summer. picking strawberry's haven't done for years, and walking places I could not do. besides the way I feel I have stopped all my meds Dr orders, no more thryoid problems no high BP infact my Bp runs 110/65, can you imnagine what my heart feels. What a rest !!!!!!! I am loving all the changes and look at this surgery as a MIRACLE for me !!!! It is not for everyone you have to "feel" whats right for you. But we were all scared and wondered for a while if it was right. I just knew I could not loose it on my own and my body could not go much longer the way I was. Good luck on your decision making. The support panels are so good for support and we all understand exactly what each other is feeling and going through. Pam

J, I agree with all the comments you have received so far.  I, too, am alone.  I get a lot of support here.  You will too!  I feel that losing this weight makes me less of a burden to others, which I fear so much.  I've been through breast cancer on my own, now WLS.  I am now facing going through Plastic Surgery on my own.  Each time I'm very afraid, but, do it anyway...I think that is the definition of courage???? Big hugs, Lori

Julie, the best way to deal with fear is to face it head on.  The feeling of accomplishment when you successfully do so is tremendous! I have some more things I need to share with you in response to your post, but I'm in a bit of a bind at the moment time-wise (see my other post).  I may not be able to get back to you tonight, but you won't be far from my thoughts, and if I don't get back to you tonight, I will the minute I get back home. Some days, you just need to cope a minute at a time.  The minutes eventually turn into hours, and the hours into days. Hugs, Kix

HEY J,          ITS AMAZING HOW YOU CAN HAVE ALL THE SUPPORT IN THE FAMILY AND FRIENDS AND STILL FEEL SORTA LIKE YOU DO IN SO MANY WAYS. I WASNT ALONE PERSAE WHEN TIME CAME FOR SURGERY I WAS SCARED OF BEING ALONE DYING. I HAD A BMI OF 67 AND NOT A DAY WENT BY THAT I DIDNT THINK OF DEATH AND THE SHOE ON THE OTHER FOOT. LEAVING MY FAMILY ALONE. I KNOW YOU ARE HAVING A HARD TIME WITH THIS AND MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU BUT PLEASE CONFIDE IN US WHEN YOU ARE HAVING ISSUES LIKE THIS AND WE ARE JUST CLICKS AWAY. IF IT WASNT FOR YALL I WOULDNT BE WHERE I AM TODAY. WE DONT HAVE SUPPORT GROUPS IN MY AREA. PLEASE PLEASE DONT GIVE UP. I CANT SAY ENOUGH ABOUT WHAT LIFE HAS IN STORE FOR YOU... I WILL BE 18 MONTHS OUT TOMMORROW AND WHAT A CHANGE MY LIFE IS. IM NOT ANY RICHER BY NO MEANS BUT JEEZ CAN JOIN IN WITH EVERYDAY LIFE INSTEAD OF WATCHING IT GO BY BEING SO HUGE. SO PLEASE HANG IN THERE. SO MANY GO THRU WLS ALONE AND DO SO SO WELL... WE WILL BE THERE FOR YOU ALL THE WAY.... HUGS MARGE

Ah hon, big hugs to you.   It is a scary thing to do and your feelings are pretty normal. I remember the night before my surgery I was a wreck and almost called off the whole thing - I just couldn't remember why I wanted the surgery! But I am so glad I did it, it truly is the best thing I have done. Everyone else gave great advice, so i don't have anything else to add. But I wanted you to know that what you are feeling is pretty normal and you are not alone! We all love you and are here whenever you need us. Love ya, Pam

Everybody else has said everything I was going to say. I have been where you are and made it thru.  You are having a bad and I am so sorry. I wish I could give you a hug and sit with you and watch something real silly on TV(like 3's company) to get your mind off of this for a little while. I will pray that you make the right decision for you.  (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))0 Tricie