Fessing up...

In the interest of complete honesty and opennness, I wanted to say that I have been eating like a pig for the past few days.  I have been off from work for a few days and I everytime I opened my mouth, I threw something into it.  A sugar free cookie... a handful of peanuts... a piece of cheese... a couple of crackers... a sugar free fudgsickel... more sugar free cookies... you name it and in it went.  Mostly really salty stuff and this morning it really showed up on the scale.  I feel so bloated and swollen that I could pop.  I even feel heavy in my workouts.  I was soooo good last week with my diet, as close to perfect as ever - you all would have been proud!  But I just totally blew my progress in a few days.  Good grief, I am convinced that this cycle never ends.  I don't know why I keep constantly doing this.  I don't think there's anything deep and psychological going on driving my compulsive behaviors - I think I am just plain greedy. Oh well, now time to get back on track today.  No sense in saying "I'll wait until Monday."  It's back on track TO-DAY, this minute, this second.  I know what to do and its time to do it. 

Hi, I can't really say much about what you've done,, as you said you know it was wrong,, and you know what you have to do now.,, but I was wondering,, do you live alone,, if so,, then don't have those things in your house. I'm 12 days out from surgery,, I'm drinking my water and crystal light,, and sucking the heck out of sugar free ice pops,, taking my two ounces of slim fast three times a day, taking my flintstone vitamins, tumns, and one pepcid. I was taking 13 pills a day,, and shooting 20-25 needles of insulin every week,, and now I only take one blood pressure  and one thyroid pill,, so I am so happy. I don't know how much weight I've lost yet,, but I know I had to go buy a smaller bra yesterday.  Everytime I'd go on a diet in the past,, my breast was the first thing I'd loose.  My bras were 52DD and yesterday I wanted to buy a 50DD but they were all out,, so I bought the 48DD and it fits,, it's a little snug,, but at least I'm not drooping to my ankles any more. I have not felt any hunger yet.,, so that is good.   I'm sure you will do so much better this week,, just get rid of the junk in your house if you can,, and buy some good junk,  like fruit or something.   I wish you all the luck in the world this week. You probably don't remember me,, but when I first came to this web site you were very helpful to me by answering my questions,, and then I just became a lurker until I had my surgery,, so you will now see a lot of me.  Mary Anne

Since you were off work, were you bored?  My biggest problem eating for a long time was because I was bored or lonely.  Now its because I live with and married a guy who eats huge portions of delicious bad things and although I think he is doing it subconsciously, sort of encourages the same for me, or enables me.  He's working on that, but we definitely gained together.  I just gained twice as much.   Anyway, I digress.  Its good that you are saying "Now" instead of "I'll start Monday" which I am very guilty of doing.  You know you shouldn't be doing it, you worked too hard to get where you are, so I have no doubt you'll get back on track.  Everyone has bumps in the road, and confessing it is a good start I'm sure.   Best of Luck! Jennifer

HEY TRACY,          I AM VERY PRIOUD OF YOU FOR LETTING PEOPLE KNOW YOU ARE JUST HUMAN. IT HAPPENS TO EVERYBODY WITH WLS OR WITH NOT HAVING THIS SURGERY. I AM ONE THAT WILL BEAT MYSELF UP BEFORE ANYONE ELSE DOES WHEN IT COMES TO EATTING SO IM SURE I DONT NEED TO GIVE ADVICE. WE ALL ARE IN THE SAME BOAT AND HAVE DAYS WHERE WE EAT MORE THAN SHOULD SOMETIMES OR ON THE OTHER HAND SOME EAT THINGS THEY SHOULDNT BUT I AM SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU KICKING YOUR OWN BUTT AND GETTING IT IN GEAR. ITS HARD FOR SURE AND NO FULL PROOF PLAN IS OUT THERE TO MAKE US NEVER<<< HAVE MESS UP DAYS. SO JUST REMEMBER I AM YOUR GA GAL CHEERLEADER AND I KNOW YOU WILL GET BACK ON THE RIDE ROAD....AND LOOK WHAT YOU HAVE DONE SO FAR AND HOW MUCH YOU HAVE ACCOMPLISHED.... HUGS MARGE

I was a little bit bad today too - instead of the palm-sized portion of meat and veggies that I am supposed to have for dinner (pre-op diet) I had two slices of thin-crust cheese pizza.  Its still only 500 calories, but I have to say they were the tastiest 500 calories I've had in a while!   Normally I'd feel really guilty, but oh geez it was too good, exactly what I wanted.  At least I didn't eat the whole thing, right? 

Exactly, you didn't eat the whole thing and that, my dear, is progress! 

I'm right there with you, but I think my inappropriate eating was driven by hormones rather than boredom.  (I always feel ravenous for the 3-4 days before my period starts.)   On a positive note, I think about how I would have reacted to this type of behavior from myself before my surgery.  Two or three days of overeating would have turned into weeks of overeating, justifying, feeling guilty, then eating more to make myself feel better.  Now, I may eat like crap for 2-3 days, but I really dislike how I feel when I do, so I get right back on track.  I'm much more in tune with how my body feels, and I honestly feel so much better when I eat right that it's pretty easy to get back to my normal routine.  And, like you, I don't wait until Monday to get started.   So congrats to you for recognizing what was going on, fessing up, and getting back on track.  You get a giant 'atta girl from me!!! Kellie

Tracy, I am still a compulsive eater.  I am doing my best to combat it.  My strongest driver toward compulsive eating seems to be stress.  Consequently, I have my good days and my bad days.  Today, is a bad day so far  Back at the office, dealing with a million things as I'm leaving for vacation on Wednesday.  There is a bunch of big stressor items I'm trying to get some resolution on.  I keep feeling the need to eat.  Of course it does nothing for my problem, but, it does tend to calm my nervousness somewhat.  This is a tremendous struggle for me as I do not want to undo any of what I've accomplished.  I haven't found an answer yet, I continue to try things and will continue to.  I guess I'm just telling you this to let you know I understand. Hugs, Lori

I can so relate to your problem.  If I was kept busy 18 hours per day I would never eat., but the minute I am not occupied I jones for stuff.  But I want to congratulate you on the recognition of your problem.  What do they say that if you acknowledge it then you can solve it.  Stop blaming yourself and take that energy and put it towards doing something good for yourself.  You write that you had perfect days, maybe that expectation is too high.  After all we are all human.  You know the drills.  Just keep doing one step at time.  Above all celbrate what you have done.  Aren't you coming up on an anniversary soon? Jeanne

Thanks everyone for your words of wisdom and encouragement.  I have been behaving myself over the past few days - although I ate too many grapes with lunch and made myself dump!  Anyway, this is and will continue to be a lifelong struggle for all of us and I am glad we have each other. (if there was a group-hug smiley, I'd insert it here) Thanks again.  Hugs, Tracy