Big Medicine/Moral Court & Sandie Sabo

Who saw "Big Medicine" last night? What did you think? For those of you who didn't catch it, check TLC for when it runs again. I happened across a show called "Moral Court" (I'm really not making this up). The segment just starting was a woman who was accusing NAAFA of causing her to gain 100 lbs by not allowing her to discuss WLS on their boards. NAAFA was represented by the director, Sandie Sabo,  who explained the mission of NAAFA as being size acceptance and discrimination fighting, and therefore opposed to talk of dieting or WLS as they believe this disourages size acceptance by telling people they should not be the size they are, therefore continuing the size discrimination. They do, however, allow discussions of obesity related health issues. While I support the primary mission of NAAFA, and I disagree that they caused this woman to gain 100 lbs (she has since had WLS and tauting it's benefits) I disagree that options/resources, both pro and con should be available to members in the health area. My reasoning is that NAAFA may well be the first really safe place for those of us with higher BMI's to meet and open up. What do you all think? -Julie

Julie: I belong to a group called SSizewize and one of the members posted the Big Medicne show as a reminder to watch the show.  Another member responded tha****ching that show would be like watching a train wreck and who in that group would want to watch a show about WLS.  I responded that I was going to watch and how I had the surgery after reaching 456 lbs and in fear that I would lose my mobility.  The modirator of the site, shut down my response saying although she wished me luck it is a very dangerous operation and the long term effects are not all known and WLS is not to be discussed on the board (only if it's the positive side). I was so taken back by this as I am not a young woman.  I am 52 and educated.  I made this decision because I didn't want to wind up in a nursing home and not able to care for myself.  I was not supporting WLS, just my opinion on it.   In a previous post I had mentioned the surgery and I had 50 e-mails privately requesting information and wanting to talk to me.  Almost all of them stated the same thing that they were terrified of being ousted from the group if they asked any questions.   I watched the show Big Medicine last night and I did not agree with allowing a 20 year old to have the surgery, but i don't know all the cir****tances.  I also thanked God that I got help before I became like Allen.  I cringe that our health care system in this country is so poor that this poor child fell through the cracks.   Groups like NAAFA have their good points but sometimes I feel that they border on wanting to keep people fat, sort of a misery likes company.  We live a world where there always has to be someone to be "picked on" whether it is because of race, creed, religion, size, or disability.  The good part is that mostly all are protected by the law.  Fat is not. Unless Ms. Sabo stuck that fork into that woman's mouth she shouldn't be blamed.  It is her group so I guess she can call the shots as she sees fit. 

I am so thankful that I had the surgery, I won't pu**** down anyone's throat, but if you are 350 lbs. plus you are only kidding yourself that you will not have problems as you age, if you age.

 

Thanks for your post, I needed to vent.

 

 

Jeanne

We watched the show last night, and I liked it.  I thought it was very interesting to see the surgery being performed.  I'm going to watch next week - I want to see what happens to Allen. I honestly was amazed at the young girl that had surgery. My husband and I talked about how lucky I am to be so much older, but not have as much saggy/hanging skin as she did, and the fact that I weighed more before surgery. Shows how different we all are. She certainly did look amazing after PS.

I thought about, and would have qualified for, WLS at 20 or so.  I was 300lbs out of high school, already 200 over the so-called healthy 100-120 lbs for my height.   But at that point I still thought I could lose it on my own.  Looking back on it now, in some respects I wish I had gone through with surgery because now I've got 100 additional lbs to lose, and I've missed out on a lot of stuff in the last 9 years.  It would have made life much better in the long run, and I might never have developed such high BP, etc. On the other hand, I didn't see the show, I don't know how mature the girl was, and I think that people are very different.  Some 20 year olds are perfectly capable and mature enough to handle such a decision and the aftermath, while others definitely cannot.  Heck some 40 year olds can't seem to handle or shouldn't be allowed to make such important decisions! I also have an opinion about NAAFA.  Although their cause is of course extremely important, they do come across as a misery loves company kind of group to me also.  I have read their opinions about WLS.  Absolutely, you should be proud at any size, and you should have the same rights as anyone else, but if you aren't happy being fat and you are aware of how much harder its going to get until you die (young) then what's wrong with considering WLS?  Its not like they are going to run out of fat people anytime soon.   I just want to live for as long as I can, and to enjoy my life while I have it.  Right now, I don't get to experience all of the things I should.  We only have one life (IMO) and its time I started making the best out of mine!   So I rambled a little, oops. 

Jennifer: Thanks for pointing out about the struggles of a teen and young girl.  I was always 200 lbs.+ since I was 12.  I learned how to adjust and I felt that I was living life to the fullest.  I guess I really wasn't but WLS was not an option a million years ago (lol).   I wish you luck in your journey.  Please keep us posted. 

 

I loved your comment about running out of fat people. 

 

Jeanne

I watched part of it - my heart just broke for Allen. I wanted to grab his mother and shake some sense into her. I hope they do a follow up with him so we can see if she actually does sabotage his weight loss. You know, I have mixed feelings about NAAFA. I love the idea that you should love yourself no matter what you look like and I appreciate their efforts in discrimination. But, they can be extreme when it comes to WLS.  There was a lady who has a website (I think she is with NAAFA) who is almost obsessed about the surgery and tells everyone that they will die if they have it. She has even protested at some of the Walks for Obesity that OH puts on. She is EXTREME and you have to wonder why she is so upset about the surgery - it's not as if people are being forced to have the surgery. I think everyone deals with their obesity differently and some just get angry and abusive. I had a good friend who just went ballistic when I told her I was having the surgery. She has now completely cut off all contact with me. I'm not sure why it upset her so much since it didn't affect her, but she just couldn't let it go. I don't get people like that - it's MY choice, not theirs.

Before I came to Colorado, I lived in Oakland, CA, which has a very active, vibrant fat-acceptance community.  I embraced fat-acceptance wholeheartedly, and in the end, it nearly killed me.  What I didn't understand about being SMO is that it might be something one's body can sustain in their 20s and 30s, but by the time one hits 40, being SMO is just too much to bear physically.  Being involved in fat-acceptance made me feel good about myself in terms of strong self-esteem, but honestly, it didn't do me any favors.  I would have appreciated a sensible dialogue about WLS. What bothers me most about NAAFA is that they don't approach fat acceptance the way the gay community approached gay rights.  NAAFA is more of a "pat yourself on the head" group that doesn't really do anything.  When I was 600 lbs and needed temporary nursing/rehab care after a severe fall, my family called NAAFA to see if they had leads on places in CA that could accommodate me.  They were told that NAAFA doesn't do that, what they do is make people feel good about themselves.  I watched "Big Medicine" last night and thought Allen was fortunate to have found a caring doctor.  A doctor who believes he or she can help you get well, and goes the extra mile to do so, is a hero in my book!  I was also angry at Allen's mother.  The woman (Penelope?  I can't remember her name) gave me a headache.  I'm not sure what it was about her that grated, she just did.  I liked the surgeons very much, particularly Big D.  I didn't like how easy they made it look to get plastic surgery post-WLS.  I'll bet my HMO isn't going to jauntily agree to put all my hanging body parts back where they belong!  Sorry this is so long, but it's a good topic for discussion! Kix

I watched the show and will watch it again. However, I think they need to focus more on the middle parts. I think they showed you the beginning and the end of WLS and left out the most important part....the middle. The physical and emtional part after you have the surgery. The keeping your sanity thru stalls. The questions you ask yourself everyday. Maybe they should have less subjects so they can spend more time on the reality of WLS. Don't get me wrong, I would have WLS again in a heart beat. The only thing I would do different is have it in my 20's and not my 40's. The reality is that some of the roads on this journey is bumpy. They glamourized it.....too much. But I really enjoy it.

In 2001 I attended the yearly conference of NoLose - the National Organization for Lesbians of Size.  Seventy fat lesbians in a hotel in New Jersey for the weekend - we had a blast! And then there was the French-Canadienne I met . . . anyway, I digress.  NoLose embraces the same fat-positive mission as NAAFA.  And the conference did wonders fro my self esteem.  I learned never to be embarassed to be fat, and I never was again.  I went anywhere I wanted, did whatever I wanted - well, anything within renge of my scooter - and when people stared, I knew it was their issue, not mine.   But there was one image I carried away from the conference that I could not shake.  One woman, a beautiful, intelligent woman a writer, an artist, in her wheelchair, barely able to move.  Sores on her legs.  On oxygen.  Obviously not healthy.  And while for a long time after the conference I was on a I'm fat and I'm happy high, when the high began to fade and my knees began to scream when I walked and an event in my life knocked me into a major depressive episode (I have bipolar disorder) and I sat in my recliner and watched TV and ate and cried for three years and grew to be 550 pounds - then I knew that there is a lot of denial in the pro-fat movement.  The positive part of the movement is that people come in all shapes and sizes, including some big ones, and it is crazy that our society that thinks everybody shoud come from the same size 6 cookie cutter (except for the size 4's and 2's).   But there is a limit.   A tall, large framed woman who eats right, is fit and weighs 250 pounds absoultely should be accepted.  A 550 pound woman?  Yes, she is a person who needs to have her rights and her dignity protected, I agree with that absolutely.  But I cannot celebrate her fat.  If I said all this to the old me, the old me would be angry and defensive - and so deeply in denial that she was committing slow suicide. My goal weight that I have set for myself (my doctor ahas never given me a goal)  is 250 pounds.  That is what I weighed the summer I was 19, the best summer of my life, when I was in the best show of my life, singing and dancing with some of the most wonderful people I have ever known.    At 250 poounds I will still be fat enough to qualify as a fat lesbian, and I think it would be fun to attend another NoLose conference.  But I know I would not be welcome because of my WLS.