7 Days and holding

Next Monday I head into Boston for my initial consult with the surgeon, nutritionist and psych eval. It's finally here. I have been going through an interesting mourning over my eating habits and some foods I need to let go of forever. I'm glad to have had this time to do the work, but remain anxious about all the work still to do. Hopefully tomorrow I will get the results of an MRI I had last week on my right knee and leg, and an x-ray of my right ankle and foot. All from the fall I had on 4/13. I'm not healing like I should have, and I'm scared both that they will find something and that they won't. How's that for making sense? My biggest fear is that something from this will stall my WLS. I am trying hard not to go there, but it's tough when I always had a strong body and now it's failing me.  - Julie

Oh, honey, you thought you had a strong body before?  Wait until you're about 6 months post op.  Your body will be stronger and better than ever.  Anyway, take it easy and I will be praying for your ankle and foot! Hugs, Tracy

LOL....I guess that doesn't make sense does it, having a BMI over 50 and thinking your body is strong. NOT!!! What I meant was that before I: 1)gained this last 50 pounds 2)passed age 40 3)got diabetes, even though I was MO but I was always strong physically and healed quickly if I got injured at all. But I trust I will at least feel some of the old strength with the weight loss, but unless I can reverse what the age and diabetes has done (which the exercise and diet may help with), I do get scared about the changes in my body. I was never one to fear getting old. Now I'm afraid all that talk about being fat so long catching up with me has come true, and it is too late. But it is over yet, and thanks to you all, I remain motivated. Thanks, Tracy.

Julie, I went through a mourning period over food too.  Guess what, after you are about 9 months out, you can have all your favorite foods again, the trick is to limit the amounts.  You are never to return to diet soda or anti-inflammatories, but, what a small price to pay for health! Good luck.  We are here for you! Lori 384/244/199

Oh, I'm not sure it's good to know that, Lori. I'm a bit worried if I ever start eating some of these foods again I will be addicted again. I am counting on the restriction to help a lot, and hopefully I will be a dumper. But if I discovered I could eat some of my favorites carbs I would be at risk to regain too easily. I need the restriction to reinforce the new behavior. Any thoughts? - Julie

Julie, I'm probably the wrong person to ask as that is my problem!  I think the biggest disappointment of the surgery for me is that the restriction doesn't last!  I have dumped, but, not very much at all.  At the WLS center I go to they recommend that you never let yourself eat the foods that were your problem foods before.  That they are easier to turn down after you've been off them for awhile, then try them and then try to give them up.  I am sure they are right about that.  It was advice I did not follow, so I guess that is why I struggle.  The problem is that this surgery does not fix our brains.  Whatever our motivating factors for being overeaters were in the first place remain.  So, once the physical restrictions go away, we are at risk.  I'm 2 years out and am still at least 45 lbs away from my personal goal.  Haven't made any progress in losing for over 9 months.  I did lose 150 lbs and feel a 110% better.  I'm very active and faithful to my exercising.  For the mental stuff around food, I attend a weekly weigh****chers meeting, a monthly WLS support group meeting (I even lead one!) and I see a personal therapist.  All that and I still struggle.  I just refuse to fail.  I refuse to gain it back even if I don't lose more. Julie, maybe you didn't want to hear all this, but, it is real.  WLS is not a cure.  It is a jump start only.  The rest is up to you for the rest of your life! Lori

Julie, On another note.  How far is Cape Cod from Boston?  I will be in Boston at the end of August for a work seminar. Lori

Lori, I very much DID want to hear all this. You validated everything I have been thinking, hoping and fearing, except one thing. I didn't know the restriction feeling would go away. That worries me. I was put on a medication for one thing and found it had a side effect of taking away a lot of my cravings and diminshed my apetite (although I did not lose weight). Even though I have drasticlly decreased the dose and some of my cravings have crept back, my apetite and binging remain reduced. I was hoping the restriction would work that way too. I guess I will have to wait and see. But as far as the mental issues with food, I hear you, and I have done and continue to do the work required, and expect I always will. To me it is no different than recovery from substance abuse, one minute at a time if need be. I just never thought I would be brave enough to do it. Cape Cod is about 1 1/2 hours from Boston, depending on the day and time of day and how far out on the Cape you go. It's an easy drive if not congested with traffic. If you've never been here, come on down. I just warn you though, it's the height of tourist season, and most of us year-round folk are getting a bit ornery by that time of summer wanting them all to go home.

Dear Julie, I'm sure you will do fine, and I encourage you to begin addressing your food issues now.  I began dealing with mine a few years before I even thought about the surgery.  I guess I am just very slow at processing!  A friend of mine is having a very difficult time just two weeks post surgery.  she is depressed and worried about never being able to eat "normally" again.  It really sounds a lot like mourning food.  She talkes about not going on vacation because that was a time when she could eat all sorts of things, etc.   Food has been so much a part of her special occasions that she just can't see how she can live her life without being able to eat the way she had been.   I know she can get over these things and will discover that life is still good post wls, but it is really tough on her (and her husband) right now.  I have started reading the Beck Diet Solution as it is really about changing the way we think about food.  It seems pretty good so far, but I've just started.   And I'm sorry to read about the foot.  I always want to know what is wrong! Good luck, Sally