Newbies - it's real. HEED THE WARNING! (Addiction)

I posted this on the RNY forum. I used to frequent this forum back in the day - so I'll post it here as well. 

 

 

Here's the scoop - I had GB in 2009.  I was 289lbs.  7 months later I was 175lbs.  I looked ******g amazing!  I remember being addicted to OH and reading profiles EVERYDAY because I wanted the insight those who had the procedure done.  I remember vividly reading a post in this forum from a woman who warned us NOT to drink after this surgery.  It's not worth it.  She said - it's empty calories. She too - shared her story.  So here's mine.  DON"T IGNORE IT!!!!  

 Of course I was like... I am not going to do anything to go back to "fat girl land".  I wasn't a drinker pre-op so I figured - that was something I didn't have to worry about.  WRONG! WRONG WRONG!

Fast forward to late 2012.  I began going out regularly.  OF course.  When you think your HOT **** you prance around like you're above pitfalls.  WRONG.  I noticed I was drinking a regular bottle of wine every other day.  Then I got cheap and decided to start buying the 1.5L bottles of wine.  Low and behold - I was drinking a bottle EVERYDAY.  I was setting my alarm to get up 2 hours before work - just to drink wine.  I'd stay up till about 12 or 1am drinking wine.  I completely stopped drinking water at home. 

Anyway - needless to say - I'm a total drunk.  I started to rationalize my calorie intake.  (DUMB).   I would eat a lite lunch and no dinner - just so I could drink the wine/calories.  That's 1200 calories per bottle.  I won't lie - sometime's I'd drink 2 bottles.  I became embarrassed when I figured out the store clerks knew which bottles of wine I was drinking.  This one clerk said to me - sorry... we don't have any more of that Pinot you like as soon as I walked in the store.  That made me get "hip".  I wouldn't frequent the same stores anymore.  I'd drive out of my way to go to another store just so I wasn't recognized as the chick who comes in here everyday to buy wine. 

This year I became preggers...lost the baby and of course that sent me into a deeper depression.  I'd come home - sit in the same spot on the sofa - drink my life away.  What's interesting is - the word "drunk".  People say GB patients get buzzed faster.  I don't believe that applies to me.  I truly believe I loved the taste of wine - cause I can't say - I was drunk or buzzed in the "traditional" since.   But an alcoholic - YES!  

Oh yeah... I'm back up to 249lbs!  YES - that's an exclamation mark.   How dare I fight my insurance company for months just to get the damn procedure only to later **** it all up!  How dare I think I'm above those who have gone through the same thing as me and think my results will differ!  How dare I!!!!!!!!!

I'm a straight forward person.  If you are new to OH...take everyone situation as "it could happen to me".   Chances are it won't be an exact match...but you better believe we all have shared some commonalities in the postop/maintance. 

Once you get to your goal or damn near close - DON"T leave your support group.  I did.  I stopped going to my support groups and I stopped coming on OH.

Tonight is New Year's eve.  I had every intention to go out tonight - but... I'm not deserving of a good time.  I'm staying home.  This has been the year of sadness, depression and now I recogonize myself as a Alcoholic.  Opps - a FAT ALCOHOLIC!

I'm only 5 days into my decision / motivation / to fight back.  No booze for a whole week.  I've been to the gym 4 days in the last week.  Ha - I had been paying for a gym pass for 4 years and only went 7 times in 2013.  (Dumbass).

 

My profile is not public - BUT if you want to read my profile ( I was very active for a few years) - go ahead and request me. 

My purpose in writing this post - was to REMIND everyone...it's not worth it.  Trust me.  It's not.  

Have a safe and wonderful New Year!

 

(PS - I know some of you have "Motherly" advice like join AA...no need to tell me... I already know)

Happy New Year. Im encouraged that you are fight back. Best wishes and success on your journey back. I had my surgery in 2009 too and newbies take heed, its a fight in post op to stay compliant. Do the work and stay compliant so this will not be your story or a similiar one. Take care.

Thank you so much for your encouragement....

Hope you are doing well!

Thanks for sharing the reality of your life!  Newbies and vets alike can benefit from it.  You are brave, and I appreciate your honesty.  I wish you well in your journey back to better health.  It can be done!

Keep it moving!!

JJ

Thank you so much for your encouragement...  It can be done!  I'll prove it!

 

Hope your are doing well....

I don't think surgical practices stress this risk enough.  Thanks for sharing your experience. 

Except for OA. few discuss addiction and compulsive behaviors.  Compulsive over eating is often replaced with a new behavior.  If we're lucky we become athletes or something else positive.   Too often the replacement for food is an unhealthy one.  Sadly. folks hear 12 steps and think run don't walk.  We can learn a lot  without signing on as a 12 stepper. 

Regardless of your current stage you can learn from this thread.  Few will see themselves here until deep knee deep in ****  There was once a group for post wl addictions here on oh but I don't know that it is still active.  Wishing you all good things as you beat both obesity and alcohol abuse.