Did you tell?

I'm wondering if I'm on the unique side of this question.

I had my WLS surgery 10 years ago this coming October.  I told only my baby sister and of course my husband at the time.  The rest of my family and friends have no idea that I've had this surgery done.  The interesting thing is that I remarried a year and a half ago and I'm very open about my WLS with my new family, but my own family is still in the dark.

My family is not healthy.  Both my mother and father have diabetes and high blood pressure.  Both of my grandmothers are/were the same with added heart problems on top of it (one grandmother died when I was in high school approx 20yrs ago). 
I think WLS would benefit several members of my family, but I also feel that they would be judgemental and critical of my choice to have the surgery.  Some of my family members wear their abundance of weight as a sort of badge of honor, despite the health problems and other issues.

Has anyone else done this virtually on their own and kept theri family in the dark?

I didn't tell anyone I didn't have to my big mouth wife told everyone.  LOL.  But when she was having her surgery we didn't tell a soul until a few days before she went into the hospital because we did not want to hear any negative talk and it worked great for her. 

I saw you tell whoever you want to tell and if you don't want to tell anyone that is your choice too.

Other people's 'big mouths' (your wife is going to get you for that!!) is a very big reason why I was wary of telling some people. 

I dont like my business in the street and I felt the more people I told, the more likelihood that somebody would let the cat out of the bag.

I found out recently my cousin had gastric bypass about 5 yrs back and she never told any of us..I always gave her compliments on her weight loss but she still kept it under lock and key. Me on the other hand have a big mouth I told everyone until my aunt went old school baptist on me and wanted to send out the prayer line for me and my weight. Now I see why my cousin didn't mention her wls.

i mentioned it to my family months earlier but they didnt believe i would do it, i didnt tell them until a week before the surgery that i was scheduled and ready to go! i was going to go by myself but i called a family member and they came with me,

I am a very private person, so for years I told myself that was the reason I didnt tell anyone.
I think in truth, I was extremely embarrassed that I'd gotten to the point that surgery was necessary.  I hadnt worked through all of the emotions at that point.

Now, a decade later, I'm proud to have made the decision to get healthy.  It was probably one of the best decisions I've ever made.

I keep praying and asking myself if this the right thing to do..by me sharing what my plans where to a couple of folks last year it kinda got me off track with the whole "you can do it on your own" and I end up gain all my weight back and I had to start all over.

I completely understand where you're coming from.  I remember how my ex used to sabotage my efforts.  Ultimately, I made the decision that was best for me and my kids- and that was to get healthy come hell or high water!

I truly believe that the path you're on is a good one. 

There are only two obese people; that is, obese since before puberty in my family.  We both had wls with the families blessing. 

In the interest of complete honesty, the immediate family circle is very small and close knit.  The extended family knew nothing.  Not that I hid anything.  There was just no reason to call folks I would not have normally called just to say hi so I could tell them I was having rny. 

Friends I saw or spoke with regularly all knew.  There were a few of the expected questions and comments based on lack of knowledge about obesity, but no discouragement. 

Much of the extended family knows now.  These are mainly inlaws many of whom are obese for multi generations.  Some are issues of metabolism while others have the normal variety of causation. 

Only one, a nurse, asked me questions.  Intelligent questions about my surgery vs my DD's procedure and our differrences in results.  (We got a tortose hare thing going on and I'm hoping the tortise will eventually leave my @$$ in the dust). 

She was positive in that her only interest was my DD's long term health knowing that while it is us inlaws that are fat, all her normal weight relatives are genetically pre disposed to diseases associated with obesity.  Some could not gain weight if they were paid to but have the health stats of the smo. 

Like my aunt did, your family may surprise you.  We were never real close just friendly.  It created a real bond between us. 

You already know I talk too much so I'll finally get to the point: 
If your family needs to learn about this then tell them.  If they are declining from diseases of obesity, it s better they cuss your @$$ out and be aware than watch them die without having known treatment potential exists.  Even with surgical risk at about 1%, they have better odds than continuing as is.  With our loved ones, I think we owe them that much even if it kills a relatonship. 

I expct to loose a dear friend today for the same reason.  Its not wls related, but it is info she does not want to hear but needs to know. I'd rather give her a chance to make an informed decision than to keep the peace by accepting her ignorance.  Even if that means she will kick me to the curb, this is what you do when you care about someone. 

Now if your issue is just about being open my reply is differrent.  Not having to explain the "what diet are you on how did you loose it" type questions would be a matter of telling as it came up.  That's it. 

This would be my criteria to tell.  I would however tell my children if they were struggling with weight gain.  Understanding your struggle may be the best thing for your DD.  She is old enough to watch the youtube videos of actual procedures.  She s old enough to see the graphic pictures of the naked mo and smo.  If you woud like, I can get you the link to the rny I watched pre op. 

Unfortunately MSW, very little my family does surprises me anymore.  I love them dearly, but the people who I would look to for wisdom and support still behave like they're teens in high school.  There's a lot of backstabbing, childishness, and immaturity.

Luckily, my little sis was very supportive as was the community here on OH.