Ya heard it here worst...

Daylight savings time has arrived, which means the murder/homicide rates are bound to go up to nobody's surprise.  Check it, as soon as folks start flashing their hard earned refund check money around, the devil gets busy.  Here's a thought: why not invest some of that new found money so that you will have even more later to do what you really want?...   Oh, who am I kiddin'?  After being couped up in the house for the past 4 months or so with nothing to do besides watch reality TV and various cooking shows, the LAST thing some folks are gonna do is forego the opportunity to buy a new flat screen TV - heck winter's coming back right? 

Speaking of TV, Bobby Brown and the late Whitney Houston's daughter, Bobbi Christina, recently sat down with "Auntie O" the other day to discuss the passing of her famous mom and confided that she wants to detach herself from her infamous dad but she can't help but see him every time she looks in the mirror. 

                                                    WTH!

Of course you can't.  Every time Bobby Christina smiles with that yay-wide gap in her toophus, her daddy just leaps right into the mirror like that black horror film, Candyman.  Secretly, Oprah was hoping with all of her fingers and eyes crossed that the interview would put her OWN TV network on top, but most folks aren't THAT stupid or even interested in all that high-brow TV Oprah has on.  Ya gotta appeal to the more baser instincts of some folks in order for them to wanna watch anything.  For example, ya know how many men out there are still hoping that BET brings back Comic View?  Not for the ****ty comics mind you but for the cameramen who had the audacity to put the camera d@mn near down a woman's blouse as they rocked back and forth and laughed till their wigs flew off; and the sistas who had no qualms about squeezing into a halter top dress made of rubberbands to those shows.  Here's a tip: pop the twins out just once, O, and the fellas will come a'runnin' and your ratings will sky rocket.  Just a thought. 

In other celebrity news, it looks like Oscar winner and Soul Sista #1, Halle Berry, is keeping it mad real by heading to the alter 'one-mo-gain' to wed her soulmate of the week French actor, Olivier Martinez.  Ms. Berry already has to her credit 2 ex-husbands, 1 baby-daddy, and a few pot-holes in her driveway from where she once threw lamps and anything not nailed down at the heads of her previous suitors when she missed a few doses of her doctor prescribed 'Chill-Pill.'  Y'all know when it comes to relationships, she's crazy and wild like a ferral bobcat on old crack and new Coke.  Sources close to the heffer say they can't wait to see how this one ends.

Other mofos in the news include a corrections officer from the state of Washington who is facing bigamy charges after authorities said a woman using Facebook discovered that she and a potential “friend" were married to him at the same time.  Now I can see getting busted having a honey-dip on the side on Facebook and I can even see you having an old girlfriend throwing vibes your way via Facebook, but NOT another wife entirely!!!  No, no, no...  But hey that's what some of you get.  Some of y'all will tell Google things you won't even tell Jesus - and expect the same results!  If Bill Gates ever came up with a way to print out what you looked up on the internet you'd have to leave town and disappear.

Finally, it's almost Springtime, y'all, and that means it's time for me to do a quick Public Service Announcement for black folks to take a swimming class either at the Y or any other facility that offers swimming classes.  The last thing I need to see on the news is your big black butt being carried to shore by some white guy who's knees are about to give away after you've completely panicked and lost it trying to wade across 3 feet of flooded street 'cause you're too afraid of water and never learned how to swim.  Sign up today and take your whole family with you.

Ok, now that I've officially peed my pants from laughing so hard, I want to thank you for the absolute silliness you've given me for the day!!!  Thanks to you and your news bulletin, my inner child will be out and creating havoc for the rest of the day!  :D

Pee'd your pants?!Oh my!  Well then I hope you work in a nursing home or else people will soon notice that new cologne you dribbled on yourself.    Thanks for the love, Luv!

Wow! Didn't know about the Halley Berry news.

Yep.  Halle is trying on her wedding gown once more.  I'll bet she has Vera Wang or DKNY on speed dial... just in case.

Thanks for the MrDoubleAYY News Network!  Kicking CNN to the curb, lol.