Coming Clean 100% I AM FAT AGAIN. Embarrassed

Hang in there Lee!  You've been through this cycle before and beat it, and you can again.  You can do this too!  One day, one meal, one workout, one pound at a time.  Day to day!

J

Thank you J.   You are right I have gained before, but I have never ever evere gotten this fat again and I am really sick of myself.  I am ashamed to even go outside for fear I may see someone I know.  

You are right i'm going to take it one pound and day at a time until I get strong and healthy again.

OMG! I am almost in tear reading this. 2011 was an awful year...and that is an understatement! I went straight to my BFF - FOOD! I have gained almost 40 lbs and have gone from a size 8 to a 12 and I  hate it...I started last week eating right and have been working out since November and  it is startting to come of but I am so disappointed in myself.....Thanks for this post

Hi Tricie,   Girl I was crying while I was typing it so maybe you felt my pain. 

Looks like you understand what i'm going through and feel my frustration,  so I am determined to come and talk to BAF about it daily and spill my guts like we use to do in the old days when we were here for each other and kicked each other in the ass or gave each other virtual hugs whichever was needed most.

So I am asking you to show up too Tricie,  let's help each other out of this mess.  We have too, because if we don't do something we are for sure going to be one of those people that gained a massive amount of weight back,  look i'm already one of those people.  :(.

Stay strong and come by and speak on it when you can.  

I will return...I remember when BAF upportive of each other and then it stopped and I need it so much cause only BAF would understand ...I m an addict and i slipped off the wagon and I am having a hard time getting back on that horse

Thank you

 ya back in the day BAF was the place to be we all talked laughed an cried together there were so my friends who helped me along the way now the site is all new no offense people but we had some true motivators meet an greets were awsome u really felt like family an u could come to talk about anything an there was always somebody that kicked ur ass back in gear 4 REAL now I miss that a lot :( but there is still a lot of GREATs here like my surgery sis LEE who's always thr to listen help we gotta do daily check ins again what we ate what prompted us to do so BAD or so good an most of all for me to get motivated to get my butt to the Y it's so hard because like I said I'm @ the point again where I'd rather lay around an eat again an that is trifflin just terrible !! WE gotta get focused we gotta I went from 270 down to 155 NEVER made my goal thanks to my hubby an family they told me I looked sick like I was on crack so I got scared started eatn bad now I'm @ 185 ouch that's sucks soooooo bad I felt terrible Sat night clothes so tight it was ashame! LORD sheild me guide me HELP me an all others reading this post an who need direction fat is not where it's @ no offense but that's how I feel hope I'm not offending anyone but it just doesn't feel good carring around all this extra weight especially for me cause it rest all in my stomach I wish I'd had a TT dang love ya'll thanks for listening to my testimony! We can do it LEE!! 

lee at least you are not giving up and trying to get back on track, i still say that after these surgeries we all should be given some type of after care to keep the wieght off and deal with all the mental issues we have to deal with, also are you dealing with life, hey life happens! i hope you stay strong and stay on the board! i am not perfect either but i will keep throwing two cents in and taking any advice, we need to keep supporting each other BAF!!!

Mellll.  

Yeah I have a lot going on,  I have lost 5 family members to cancer in just a few months.  I have a sister and a brother in the last stages of lung cancer and I lost one of my sisters one month ago today to breast cancer.   It really sucks, but it is life.    My mom has disowned me and that really bothers me a lot, so much so that I can be doing something and just bust out crying.    But I can't let it be the downfall of me.

So i'm going to try yet AGAIN. 

Lee we do gotta make a pack to come back to basics baf daily when I first had surgery an a few months b4 surgery I lived on this site got major issues resolve enjoy setting goals discusiing Wow moments an losing weight now it's like I never visit this site. Hardly ever gotta get back on it an coming back to my. Fam is the first start I hope an pray all those *****ad this take hed an really watch an don't get comfortable letting 5 pound gains here an thr turn into 40 pound gain cause take it from me its hard as hell to get back on track I'm suppose to go see my surgeon on 1/26 I'm 2 imbarrassed to go cause I gained an that's sad its discrasful terriiblel 

Thanks for sharing Lee....you have helped so many others as well as yourself by taking a risk. In most cases, keeping the secret is what keeps us ill. I was so hard for me to put my weight loss tracker in my siggy line but I knew that I needed to do it because it keeps me from hiding from behind this computer screen. I HATE that I gained all that weight back. I remember you all supporting me and giving me so much daily encouragement AND it helped me to lose those 30 something pounds. I was ashamed of my gain so that is why I stayed away....it was so hard to come on here and know that I was in a serious relapse cycle. No matter what anyone said at that point it did not make a difference.

While I had much more support than I have ever had before...I still felt the need to self medicate. Food has always been comforting for me. It has held my hand though many difficult times. So...its easy sometimes to go back to what is "normal' regardless of how detrimental it might be. Sort of like a battered wife going back to her abuser.

My back was starting to hurt me and I hated sitting down and having the clothes that I had shrunk into to fit...now riding up my back and butt when I sat down. Sometimes I felt so uncomfortable that I wanted to scream out loud!!!!

I was in church the other day and my blouse started to rid up over the back boobs... Yes...they are back...ugh! I was so disgusted that I said "unnn unnn unnn" OUT LOUD! Folks turnaround and looked at me because they thought I was disagreeing with what the priest was saying at the time...lol.

Lee I promise to come on regularly and provide support. I need it...we all need to be here to support one another.

It is so critical that we be honest with ourselves. The first step in doing that is disclosing to someone what we are going through.

I thank you for having the courage to share. You are and continue to be a very positive and reliable support on this board.

We can and WILL lose again...to get to where we feel most comfortable and healthy.