ITS FRIDAY, ITS FRIDAY

She: All you ever do is procrastinate. He: Oh, yeah, just wait.

I solved my problem of too many visiting relatives. I borrowed money from the rich ones and lent it to the poor ones. Now none of them come back.

I was in love with the girl down the street. I walked my dog in front of her house so often, her tree died.

Skiing is a sport where you spend an arm and a leg to break an arm and a leg.

Hockey is a war in which people keep score.
It's real cold in Minnesota. The last summer they had there was on a Monday.

What's that on your leg?
It's a birthmark.
No kidding. How long have you had it?

Music helps set a romantic mood. Imagine her surprise when you say "We don't need a sound system--I have an accordion."

If I wanted to hear the pitter patter of little feet I'd put shoes on my cat.

He: You're always wishing for something you don't have.
She: What else is there to wish for?

Repartee: What a person thinks of after he becomes a departee.

An amoeba, named Sam, and his brother
Were having a drink with each other;
In the midst of their quaffing,
They split themselves laughing,
And each of them now is a mother.

He: What do you love most about me, darling--my great body or my wit?
She: Your sense of humor, dear.