THURSDAY

If you want to find out how may of your Facebook friends are real friends, post an update that says you’re moving and you need help. The people that respond are your “real" friends.

No one came to my house to trick-or-treat. I think the moat might be scaring people away.


A couple got married at a state fair. It was so sweet, the bride was wearing something old, something new, something fried, and something dipped in chocolate.


Two salesmen were traveling together on a country road when their car broke down.
They walked up to the farmhouse and instead of finding a farmer, found the farmer’s widow.  Apparently, the farmer had died about a year ago. The widow woman said,
“Sure you can spend the night, but you’ll both have to sleep in the spare bedroom upstairs."  The two men said fine and went upstairs to bed.  The next morning the widow fixed a big breakfast and the men left.
  The men didn’t talk about that night until a couple of months later when one asked the other: “Did you sneak downstairs that night and visit the widow lady?"
  “Yeah," replied the other salesman.
  “Did you, by any chance, tell her you were me?"
  “Yeah, I hope you don’t mind.
  “Not at all!  I got a letter from her attorney today.  It seems the widow lady died and left me her farm."

 
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

 
A minister recently announced there are 724 sins.  Since then, he is being constantly asked for a list of those sins by people who think they’re missing out on something.
 

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
 

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.


  Every Friday night, two elderly couples go out to dinner.  The men sit in front of the car.
Roy says to Harold, “Where should we go tonight?"
  Harold says, “How about that place we went to a month ago.  The Italian place with the
great lasagna."
  Roy says," I don’t remember it."
  Harold says, “The place with the veal."
  Roy says, “I don’t remember.  What’s the name of the place?"
  Harold can’t remember.  “A flower.  Gimme a flower.
  “Tulip?" Roy says.
  “No, no.  A different flower."
  “Magnolia?"
  “No, no.  A basic flower."
  “Rose?"
  “That’s it!" Harold turns to the back seat.
  “Rose, what was the name of that restaurant?"

What's the fastest way to tune a banjo? With wire cutters.

I crossed a shark with a penguin and got an animal dressed to kill.