LAUGH WITH LIFE!

Another day to laugh and be happy.   I'm worn out and crochety so I'm going to make myself cheerful. 

I'm just luv'n this guys web page.  It was hard to choose a few so here are the first few laughs for you.  He's got some interesting poetry, insights etc.  It's not my thing but the link will take you there.   Enjoy. 


http://laughwithlife.net/humor.html

humor ...

Every year I say I’m going to run in a marathon. This year, I’m going to say that again.

A defendant was on trial for murder.  There was strong evidence indicating his guilt, but there was no corpse. In his closing statement, the defense attorney resorted to a trick. “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury," he said, “I have a surprise for you all—within one minute, the person presumed dead will walk into this courtroom."
  He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, stunned all looked eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened. Finally the lawyer said," Actually, I made up the business about the dead man walking in. But you all looked at the door with anticipation. I therefore put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed, and I must insist that you return a verdict of ‘not guilty.’"
  The jury retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, they returned and pronounced a verdict of “guilty."
  “But how could you do that?" bellowed the lawyer. “You must have had some doubt. I saw all of you stare at the door."
  The jury foreman replied, “Oh, we looked, but your client didn’t."

A man wrote a letter to the IRS saying, “I have been unable to sleep knowing that I have cheated on my income tax.  I have understated my taxable income and have enclosed a check for $150. If I still can’t sleep, I will send the rest."
 
 Two cows are standing in a field. One says to the other, “What do you think about this mad cow disease?"
 “What do I care?" says the other. “I’m a helicopter."
 
 A blind man, a Lesbian, and a frog walk into a bar. The barkeep looks at them and says: What is this—a joke?"
 
 Animal experts say the Tasmanian Devil is close to extinction. Is anyone surprised? Have you seen how he acts in Bugs Bunny cartoons?
 
 There’s a new website that slows you to use Facebook, Twitter, e-mail, surf the web, and read all the news in one place. That one place is called “work."

I was driving behind a young guy driving his BMW.  We were on a mountain road when all of a sudden his BMW went out of control. He managed to get out of his BMW before
it went off the road and down the mountain.
  He kept shouting, “My BMW, my BMW!"  He didn’t even realize he had lost his whole
left arm in the accident.  He just kept yelling “My BMW, my BMW!"
  I pulled over to help him & said, “Hey, did you realize your arm is gone?"
  The guy looked at where his left arm should be and started yelling, “My Rolex, my Rolex!"
 
No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationary.
 
  A friend of mine had to go to the doctor the other day.  He told him, “After the first, I’m tired.  After the second, my chest hurts. After the third, I feel like death for half an hour."
  The doctor just looked at him and said, “Why don’t you just quit after the first?"
  My friend replied, “But Doctor, I live on the third floor."
 

 LOL… tidbit of useless information, the second joke was based off a true lawyer in GA, only he said something like my client should be found not guilty because he looked for the person to come through the doors. The Matlock character is based off that lawyer as well.  I’m such a geek

I'm reading this in BumFkcu GA and I can see that happening with these good ol' boys, lol stretched out in that comical drawl.    Cool info from one geek to another albeit I'm a a sci fi geek. 

Good ones!