XP...STAIRWELLS AND DIRECTIONS....

 STAIRWELLS ... they carry history ...YUP stairwells do have history... don't they? How many stolen kisses were once given on the stairwell? How many times was the stairwell used as a hiding place to conceal a tear one did not want others to see? How many times did the stairwell double up as a source of cardio or strengthening or exercise when one could not make it to the gym? 
Stairwells .. a safe haven that sits always available as an EXIT route in case of emergency or disaster ... in case of fire - use the stairwell ... in case of a broken elevator - use the stairwell ... the stairwell is always there .. welcoming and safe ... except when this sista gets stuck WHERE? on the friggin' stairwell.... had I only read the SIGN ....the SIGN that I ignored and the cone in front of the door...

An early morning meeting ... extremely so IMPORTANT ... totally unrelated to work but very important nonetheless ... scheduled at 7 am  .. earlier than the usual office hours to accommodate moi.  I had to park the car a ways down the street because parking is scarce and only parking by permit was allowed in the lots of this building which are located under the building ... underground parking I guess...

I parked my car and walked briskly towards the very tall building ... I entered and at security I sign my name and who I want to see ... I am told they are on 'X' floor .. great the last floor in the building... and I am pointed in the direction of the elevators.  

I hop into the first elevator that doors ping and open up ...I jump in ... at that early hour there is no one else in the elevator with me ... I had my jacket in my hand as I had in mind to make a potty stop before meeting the VIP executive whom I was scheduled to see... I hear the elevator door slam shut and I proceeded to press the button to the top floor but there is something amiss ... the elevator goes ONLY from 1st floor to 16th floor ... I am like what the heck? I decided to press one of the buttons to a random floor and get off there and take the elevator that would take me further up to the floor where I needed to be at ...  I press the button to the 16th floor and I get off there... 

I am now on a totally different floor than where I am supposed to be and I am looking for the elevator that would take me from the 16th floor to the 26th floor where my meeting is ... I am looking around like a jackass and I do not see an alternative elevator ... I am like darn ... WTF is going on????? then I see THE STAIRWELL and I make a beeline to THE STAIRWELL there is a sign ... a pretty big sign on the wall by the stairwell but I was in a rush and did not read it ... 

Now I am on the STAIRWELL and I climb ... and I climb and I climb ... the spaces in between the floors are extremely tall and 3-4 extremely long flights of stairs between floors ... and I climb and I climb and I climb  WTF I climb and I climb and I am still climbing ... I feel a corn forming on my pinky toe where it is rubbing on my shoe ... I know I can do this .. I am used to my heels and I am in perfect physical condition and my muscles are all toned so I am climbing ... and I am climbing and I am climbing as fast as I can I am climbing the endless flights of stairs ...  I climb ALL THE WAY UP THOSE DARN STAIRS ....AT THE END OF WHICH THERE IS A LOCKED DOOR WITH A BIG LABEL  'NOT AN EXIT' WTF ... is this a go-down only stairwell? I mean WTF??? ... I climbed all these stairs and worked up a sweat and exacerbated a non-existing corn on my toe for NOTHING ... 

Now I am hot to trot... and there is formation of two bodies of heat ... my hot headed panamaniac temper which I am trying to hold at bay while it rises to orange level where I gave my inner biatch a mental get a grip spiel .. and then the heat that creeps on you unannounced and undesired with menopause ... combine stress... rabid panamaniac and hot flash and there is a recipe for disaster ... today of all days I needed my composure... 

I decided it was just too embarrassing to call this VIP to tell him that I am stuck in the stairwell because I was clueless as to where to find the appropriate elevator ... so I start climbing down the stairs .. I figure if I went back down to the ground floor and security I could come back up in the right elevator after getting directions ... I now have 12 minutes to spare ... I keep working up a sweat ... I don't like that .. I can feel a sweat running down my back and sweat forming little rivers between my tetas .. trickling down my blouse ... 

I am determined to remain calm a difficult task ... and I tell myself that going down the everlasting flights is easier than climbing them... so I start climbing down the STAIRS FROM HELL ... down and down and down and down I went ... WTF it seems there is construction going on because there are bricks now on either sides of the walls ... the floors are so far in between each other ... my ears are sweltering now and heat is building up in my body ... I am stressing and trying not to panic and I am getting pissed off.... so I keep climbing down and down and down ... like FOREVER and I AM NOT SEEING THE FLOORS ..THE LABELS ARE WITH LETTERS FOLLOWING A NUMBER ... I COULD NOT FIGURE OUT HOW THE DOORS WERE  LABELED ... EACH ONE I TRIED WAS LOCKED... I started to mentally count the floors ... as I continued to descend ... down down down down 10th floor ... down down down down 10-b  floor ...but I may have missed something ... because down down down and down 6th floor ... I finally decided to reach in the side pocket of my pocketbook for my Blackberry and make a call ... JUST F'ING GREAT ... I HAVE NO SERVICE .. 

I am talking to myself now.... don't panic.. don't panic you have your tablet ... yeah right ... pull out the tablet are you kidding me? what a waste .... all this time I am still going down the stairwell until I see a sign EXIT! woot woot ...  I am free, I get out ... and I hear an ominous sound as the door slams shut behind me.... OHHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WAIT WAIT WAIT ... I am NOT on the ground floor ... I am somewhere in an underground garage of sorts ... there are 4 or 5 luxury cars ... I see a security camera .... I see a bar across from which is a pole with a sensor and a swiper I guess for access in and out ....

I got distracted by the potty stop that was never made because of this mishap and  felt my brains signaling wildly to my urinary bladder to RELEASE AND VOID and I had to stop and command my ureters to STOP emptying into my bladder STAT... I needed to strategize and could do without this distraction but I wanted/needed to void so bad I started doing the Brazilian Samba to distract the bladder as I further strategized...

By this time my body is on FIRE.. not the fiery anger of the irate panamaniac who is now running on 'SKEERED' but of the menopausal woman in the grips of a hot flash that is now crawling up legs and up body taking my breath away to add insult to injury ...

On impulse I made a beeline to the sensor and I started waving my hands in front of it ... to release the bar and the gates but NOTHING HAPPENED .... I waved my pocketbook in front of it  .. NOTHING HAPPENED ... LAWD PLEASE DO NOT LET A SISTA PANIC .... IT IS EARLY IN THE MORNING ... WHEN IS THE NEXT PERSON COMING TO PARK DOWN HERE OR LEAVE THE BUILDING? AM I TRESPASSING?

I take a look at the security camera .. who the F is manning security in this building???? I am practically an intruder in this darn underground garage how comes nobody sees me?... I proceed to stand where I think I am in front of the camera that is pointing towards the entry gate and I wave ... I waited a few minutes ... I waved again ... I opened my pocketbook and scribbled HELP ME I AM STUCK I DO NOT HAVE ACCESS TO THE STAIRWELL  .. I STARTED FLASHING THE PAPER IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA ... WAITED A FEW MINUTES ... NADA ... I STARTED DOING JUMPING JACKS to get SECURITY ATTENTION AND to ease the bladder .... AND it seems that hours passed and not minutes till I HEARD THE DOOR OF THE STAIRWELL OPEN UP ... SECURITY WAS THERE ... I DO NOT KNOW IF I WANTED TO HUG OR THROTTLE THAT MAN ..WHO IS ASKING ME IF I AM OKAY ... NOOOOOOOOOO I AM NOT OKAY ....

I made it to the bathroom quickly after getting directions to the correct elevator and being told I have to get off on the 25th floor and walk up one flight of stairs to the penthouse office ... I was told that the stairwell I took has a clear sign in front of it that says UNDER CONSTRUCTION USE OTHER STAIRS with an arrow pointing to where I should have gone ... the information was on the sign that I ignored ... clearly labeled ... I ignored the directions hence my trouble.....

So in my world of rush/haste I ignored the sign ... I got stuck in the STAIRWELL... I got trapped in the underground garage... pretty much like we get trapped in life situations oftentimes because of our very own choices or doings...

I quickly wet hand-paper towel with the coldes****er and patted my neck and my axillae and the juncture of my elbows to cool my body down ... I put on my jacket ... and I went to a very successful meeting and arrived on time.... with a wide smile that camouflaged my recent chagrin.

THE STAIRWELL ... now I wonder why I never kissed anyone on the stairwell ... yet I dried many tears on the stairwell .... and I ran up and down so many flights of stairs on the stairwell right after lunches here at work ...

I guess the STAIRWELL is a lifesaver when directions are followed and it works well when one is paying attention ... I drove from that meeting back to work ... a very successful meeting by the way that will enable me to expand my business...  It seems like in a few minutes  I had completed a full day's work ... and I could not blame anyone but myself for not reading the signs ....

SIGH  ... WHAT A VENT ... ... THIS KIND OF CRAP ONLY HAPPENS TO ME I SWEAR....HAD I READ THE SIGN AND FOLLOWED THE DIRECTIONS IT WOULD HAVE BEEN AVOIDED...

I did my journal collage ... my entry in my empowerment journal a picture a day keeps the pounds and the inches at bay.. this morning I was back at 120 and after the stressful STAIRWELL I am sure I left a pound of stress in there... I wore my Black and White Size 0 Jacket and matching shoes ... I got to work all stressed out and after telling my story to my co-workers in my jacked up accent they were all rolling on the floor laughing ... I had to laugh too... 
Yesterday I wore a burlap suit ... hmmmm it kinda grew bigger as the day went by ... there are just certain fabrics that get loose with wear...


My DD gave me this dress for mother's day as a hoax ... among several other nice things... I never ever wear full sequined anything ... it is just not my thing ... I like sequins and beautiful sequined designs ... but full sequins? NO, not really...  So as a hoax or a dare she gives me a metallic fully sequined short frock expecting me to have a fit ... well guess what? Al and I loved it ... we drove up to Norwich and had fun at the casinos .. the whole while I strutted around with my heels ... not only did we have fun and a wonderful dinner be also came home with cash from the slots woot woot.... WOW I had not been there for a few months and the amount of construction is awesome ... the place is huge....

Me in my fully sequined red dress ... I LOVE IT! 

So this is my comparison collage with my mom day short metallic fully sequined short frock...


THANKS FOR ALLOWING ME TO SHARE ANOTHER DUFUS POST.... 

 ..."there is misery and joy in equal parts in this world. Misery will find us if we make ourselves a target. Joy is just waiting for us to acknowledge it. I find joy every day in all parts of my life and I just let it happen to me. Misery is there but I'm sure as hell not going to invite it in".....Fini

You deserve the day off after all of that.  Only you could so thoroghly analize a stairwell.  Its a good lesson on what we may miss in our haste.  Three cheers for elevators. 

LMAO!!   Thanks so much for sharing this story.  I needed a good laugh!...  You right beautifully!  I felt I was there with you....and trust...You are not the only person these things happen too.  I swear I have a similiar story of not following directions, panicking, and then laughing at your own cluelessness!  I'm glad your meeting was usccessful after all of that.  And as a woman of a certain age....going through a certain thang...(menopause)..........I feel ya!

J