Rantings of a Fat Girl loosing Weight. Not depressing, i'm just saying

I am still fat, don't get overly excited, but I squeeze my fat ass into a size 12 dress pants today. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT.

I looked good to, but i'm not taking a picture in them because they are gripped up on my ass and no one needs to know that much about me. LOL.

So I decided ok, well these pants must run really big and I was right because I put on a size 14 Levi slim fits and they were tight but no where near as tight as they have been.

I also found a brand new pair of jeans in my trunk and I tried them on and they are actually to big so I am going to have them taken in. It is so funny how I have all these new clothes I have been trying to get into and now when I go to try them on they are to big. It feels nice.

Oh but yesterday it didn't feel nice because I was at the mall and I saw a reflection of myself and my clothes make me look like a complete bum, they are absolutely huge I felt like crap. So I am going to get rid of my really big clothes and jackets and stop wearing them because I did not like the way I felt.

I am going to try to start wearing clothes that fit me and may even try to start taking my hair out of a bun. I am to dam good looking to be walking around like a bum.

Allright now!! That's what I'm talking about!!     Sounds like you're starting to see the real you!!    


I've never been skinny since I was 12 years old, but when I was in my early 20's before my massive weight gain, I dressed to impress when I went out & kept a nice business type atire, but due to lack of clothing options & low self esteem, my dressing style went way down hill. 

Pre surgery, I could not imange myself in anything smaller than a 18.  My mind couldn't wrap around being anything smaller than that, but my mindset started to change, when having baggie items started to bug me.  As soon as my tops started sloping off my shoulders, they were  out of there.  Then when my pants started getting baggy, they were out of there!    My mom mentioned the other day that I had a pair of tight pants on & wanted to know why?  My response was "because I can!!""    They were a pair of NY & CO slacks.  Yes, they are tight, but they are a size 16!!!  Last time I was in a size 16 dress was when I was 21/22, so I'm rocking it.  So now I'm starting to see myself in 12's, so I've started buying them & already have my pants all set to segue into 14's.

So, you are starting to see yourself differently,  I think the baggy clothes are like a defense, like food was, so when you can no longer stand to have them big , imo is a great sign that changes have been made internally, so you have a different mindset so your brain is catching up with your body!!

Yes, girl get rid of the bun, don't have me call Oprah on you!!  

If someone were to say to me you look nice in something or your pants are tight I would change immediately,  and what if i'm not at home you say,  well I always have a pair of baggy jeans in my car.

Everyone knows not to dare say anything about my hair cause if I get any kind of comment it's back into the bun it goes.
 
I honestly don't know why i'm like this, I have always been even when I was really fat.  I just don't know how to deal with the attention and it makes me want to run and hit. 

I am such a head case.

I've said it before. Put on something stylish and fitted and show your assets.

If I could I would have a long time ago, I just have issues is all I can say.  lol.  It really is hard for me to wear clothes that fit me.  I literally hate when anyone says anything about my body.

But I have made Becca a promise and we are going to go shopping before my trip and I will get fitting clothes for it.   Like she said the people on our trip don't know me so it will be good practice for me just to get use to wearing clothes that fit me without having to deal with comments.

I sent you a pm. 

Alright Lee, It's easy to be a bum, I know this year I've taking to looking like one also but because of you it the end.  CONGRATS ON THROWING OUT THE BIG CLOTHES. 
Alright I love the new attitude.  I know we'll see you in your vacation Pics. 

I am so happy for you Lee, stepping out of your big clothes comfort zone.  To change your hair also, girl you are doing big things.   You work too hard to get it together and then present yourself in a way less than you prefer. 
Hope you find your happy medium, not looking like a bum but not attracting uncomfortable attention.
Take care,
Z

Back away from the big clothes and let you beautiful hair down girl! I see you shining :)

 Girl ... don't dwell too much on the sizes ... do you know that quite often they cut those jeans/pants/whatever in bulk and the fabric shifts ... I bet you try on 3 of the same pants in the same size and they all fit differently... the ones at the bottom of the pile are always bigger than the ones at the top ... yet they are all labeled the same ... I guess we can call it production blunder .. Then there are these darn skinny legs jeans ... go try putting on one of those with loose skin around the knees like mine ... it is so not happening for me LOL...

Size 12 is AWESOME ... ... I used to stuff myself into much smaller sizes when I was in the losing phase in the hopes of finally fitting them right ... I remember when I got to a size 20 from a size 28 I bought a pair of size 16 pants that would even come up over my big arse knee ... so I put them in the closet and every so often I would try them on .. I was able to pull them up a bit higher each time but they could never go over my still big arse and hips ... The point came where I forgot about them for a couple of weeks and when I figured heck these should go all the way up now ... when I tried them on they were WAYYYYYYY too big ... so that was one size the I completely skipped go figure ... and I was dreaming getting into it...

As much as you work out Ms. Lee you are going to be where you want to be in the blink of an eye ... 

ETA.. typos and forgot something...